Apprentice lawyers: Social tariffs: Human right to beg: Pussy pulse prosthetic: Suck my shoes: Crisp and expensive: and BIG Wombats.

Still chucking it dahn at the Castle this morn, loads of atmospheric movement and the liquid metal in the gauge is curled up in the bulb shivering.

I see that three core Cable reckons that we need more pilots and lawyers

And has funded 4,230 placements in the second round of the £25m higher apprenticeships initiative.

According to the “Business Secretary” they would help sectors tackle skills shortages and boost participation by under-represented groups like women.

Employers such as British Airways, Siemens, Price Waterhouse Cooper, Unilever and the UK Space Agency are involved in the scheme.

Participants are able to pursue degree-level study while getting paid.

Allegedly it is estimated that between now and 2030 European airlines will need to recruit 92,500 new pilots, 96,300 engineers and him/her upstairs knows how many Lawyers and accountants.

So why aren’t British Airways, Siemens, Price Waterhouse Cooper, Unilever and the UK Space Agency paying the bleedin bill instead of us?

And the Piss Poor Policies Millionaires Club Coalition

Is issuing “guidance” to Water companies in England and Wales to allow them to charge lower prices for the poorest customers.

It seems that Ministers want to see "social tariffs" based on ability to pay, as part of a broader drive to reduce utility bills.

An estimated 2.4 million households have trouble paying their water bills, which cost an average of £376 a year.

Water companies will be asked to select the customers who are most at risk and offer them a discount.

They are currently bound by regulator Ofwat's licensing conditions which means they cannot cut bills without contravening the law.

Deputy Prime Monster what’s his name said: "If you're struggling to make ends meet, not paying for essential utilities isn't an option but it can mean making tough choices elsewhere; like sacrificing healthy meals for the family or new school books.

"We've already announced tough new measures to see gas and electric bills fall by up to £100 a year. This will see struggling families save more.

And the but is- BBC environment analyst Roger Harrabin said it was not yet clear whether companies would be compelled to reduce tariffs but it might suit some firms to do so.

He said reducing the charges for the poorest would take some of the political heat over raising bills for others to pay for the infrastructure that is needed to ensure areas avoid repeatedly lurching into emergency measures to combat drought.

So we have foreign owners of our water who purchased the companies for sod all, get their product for free, use delivery systems that already existed and pay their bosses millions in salaries and bonuses “thinking” about reducing prices for the poorest...Hmmm, still we are all in this together...

Right a bit to Strasbourg

Allegedly Blighty may give millions more pounds to the controversial European Court of Human Rights, despite the Government’s promise to rein it in.

The Strasbourg court is asking countries to give it extra money in an attempt to deal with a backlog of 150,000 cases.

We already pay £20million a year to the Council of Europe, which is responsible for the court, but the PPPMCC is considering increasing this sum,

The request for more money has come just two months after ministers claimed to have secured lasting reform of the court at a summit in Brighton.

An estimated 800million people across the continent have the right to bring cases to the ECHR if they feel their basic rights have been breached by their governments.

As a result, there is now a backlog of more than 150,000 cases still waiting to be looked at, many involving Eastern European countries that have failed to tackle earlier breaches.

The Foreign Office declined to comment on whether or not Britain would contribute to the new fund.

A spokesman said: "We support the setting up of this fund, but have not made any decision on whether we will contribute to it. At present the UK is one of the five major contributors to the Council of Europe, contributing 12 per cent of its annual budget, which includes the Court."

If they do cough up I think I will apply to the ECHR for a ruling....

East oodles of metric miles

In the land where radiation has had no effect whatsoever, Nico Nico Douga has invented a pussy tail that wags when it detects excitement in its user. Made from a robotic arm covered in fur that is connected to a pulse sensor using an AVR microcontroller, which is attached to a clothespin that will be clipped on the owner’s earlobe, the users pulse rate is translated into tail wags. As the owner’s BPM rate goes higher, the tail moves more rapidly.

 

Spiffing….

And still in the land of the rising mushroom cloud

Paionia Furyokuki’s doormat is like a vacuum cleaner for your shoes. As your body weight depresses the knobs on the surface, suction from the air pump pulls away dirt on the bottom of your shoes. They’re on sale in Japan for $6,250.

I think I prefer my old coconut mat...

Back in wet, wet, wet Blighty and Norf of the border

Rugby reporter Bill Lothian wanted a packet of crisps to munch with his pint and was charged £1.35 for the privilege at the Golf Tavern in Bruntsfield, Edinburgh.

But apparently that isn’t expensive, at some city bars it will cost you £1.50, although elsewhere in the Capital, standard bags of crisps including Walkers and Golden Wonder could be purchased for just 60p. Charlie Russell, owner of Bennets Bar in Tollcross, where bags of Walkers are available for 70p, said: “We sell our crisps for the same price you could buy them down the shop – we’re not looking to make a profit on them.

 You pays your money and nips in Tesco on the way home...

 

And finally: 

Dahn Unda

In the outback in Queensland scientists have discovered what could be up to 50 Diprotodon skeletons dating back 100,000 and 200,000 years.

Lead scientist on the dig, Scott Hocknall from the Queensland Museum in Brisbane, said one of the specimens, called Kenny, was one of the largest Diprotodon he had ever seen.

Kenny's jawbone alone is 70cm (28 inches) long.

Pigeon-toed and with a backward-facing pouch large enough to carry an adult human, Mr Hocknull likened a Diprotodon to "a cross between a wombat and a bear but the size of a rhinoceros".

The mega-wombats could weigh up to 2.3 tonnes

The discovery could hold important clues on how the mega-wombats lived and what caused them to die out.

They probably went extinct because they kept falling through the ceilings of pre historic bungalow dwellers...

That’s it: I’m orf to mix up some magnetic emulsions

And today’s thought:

Does my bum look big in this Olympics

Angus