USPS and Parcel Force: Ailing NHS: Argy-Bargy Bish: Swedish sitters: Venezuelan Grandmother: and Egg throwing.

Warmish, dullish and calmish at the Castle this morn, the garden needs a minor fettle-again, the elbow is almost fixed and his Maj has discovered the joy of ambush from under the stairs.

Long, long ago a daft old fart ordered some goods from far away country; USPS (United States Postal Services) took three days to collect it and another five days to send it by rowboat to UK Customs up Norf.

Then UK Customs (when they aren’t on strike) took four days to slap charges on it and then revised the charges, Parcel Force then kindly paid the VAT of £8.90 for the daft old fart and charged him the princely sum of £8.00 for the privilege.

What happens then is that Parcel Force will send the daft old fart a letter telling him that he owes them dosh and to cough up or he can’t have his parcel, and when he does pay the ransom they will deliver his parcel probably when he is out and leave him a glad you weren’t in card. 

But the daft old fart wasn’t that daft; he went to the Parcel Force depot, paid the ransom and finally took his shiny new parcel home.

All in all it took the daft old fart’s parcel 15 days to travel from New Jersey (where the turnpike is) to dahn ere in ‘Ampshire and cost him £16.90 on top of the purchase price and original delivery costs.

And the moral of this daft old fart’s story is-if you want to buy something from the States-don’t.......

I see that the privatisation plans of the Piss Poor Policies Millionaires Club Coalition are going swimmingly

Apparently more than 30 NHS trusts could be forced to merge, devolve services into the community and make job cuts as part of a radical restructuring of hospital care across England.

Yesterday the Department of Health said it considered 21 hospitals to be "clinically and financially unsustainable" and in need of radical restructuring.

However, the list did not include another five foundation hospitals – run independently of the Department of Health – which are also considered to be failing financially. A further five foundation hospitals also have severe financial problems.

South London Healthcare NHS Trust, which is losing £1m a week, is likely now to be run by a special administrator tasked with putting it on a viable footing.

The trust, which runs Queen Mary's Hospital in Sidcup, the Queen Elizabeth Hospital in Woolwich and the Princess Royal University Hospital in Bromley is likely to face cuts to services and jobs in an attempt to reduce costs.

Department of Health sources suggested it was possible that other hospitals could also be put into administration. Those at greatest risk are understood to be Barking, Havering and Redbridge University Hospitals NHS Trust and Surrey and Sussex Healthcare NHS Trust.

Many of the problems faced by the affected hospitals are historical. Some have been burdened with prohibitively expensive PFI debts which they are struggling to service, while others are providing services which are now uneconomical.

Some hospitals are also trying to provide a full range of hospital services to relatively small but isolated communities and finding there are not the economies of scale to stay within budget. Said one source who could not be named as they are involved in hospital regulation.

That’s the problem when a Service becomes a Business......

Left to the place where people aren’t lazy

Bishop Fernando Bargallo, 57, was forced to hand in his resignation after photographs emerged this month showing him frolicking and embracing a woman at a luxury resort in Mexico.

Bargallo, who led the Argentine diocese of Merlo-Moreno outside Buenos Aires since May 1997, has reportedly admitted to having "amorous ties" with the woman he is seen embracing in the water, thought to be a divorced restaurant owner.

He had initially claimed she was just a long-time friend.

The news broke as the Vatican ousted the founder of an Italian mission for "serious immoral behaviour," after it emerged he had sex with female missionaries during a posting in South America.

Luigi Prandin, who founded the Villaregia Missionary Community, was ousted along with co-founder, Maria Luigia Corona, who knew of the liaisons but covered it up because she feared a scandal.

Ex Nazi Pope Benedict XVI has vigorously denied claims that abstention may have contributed to sex abuse scandals, insisting repeatedly that celibacy is central to the priesthood.

In April, he issued a rare condemnation of errant priests, slamming in particular an "appeal to religious disobedience" launched by a group of Austrian clerics in 2011, which argued for an end to priestly celibacy.

Still....at least it wasn’t a Kiddly he was fiddling with....

Right loads of thingies to one of the European countries in the Norf

Politicians in Sweden are calling for new rules to ban men from urinating while standing up.

The local Left Party on the Sormland County Council wants men to sit down to pee in council toilets.

The socialist and feminist party claims that seated urination is more hygienic for men, reports The Local newspaper.

They say it decreases the likelihood of puddles and is better for men's health by more effectively emptying the bladder.

However, at least one expert, John Gamel, a professor at the University of Louisville, disagrees.

"Men scatter urine not so much during the actual urination as during the 'shaking off' that follows," he said.

"As a result, forcing men to sit while emptying their bladders will serve little purpose, since no man wants to shake himself off while remaining seated on the toilet."

That would take all the fun out of it, anyway wait until they get to a certain age, then they have to sit to pee....

Dahn a bit to the land that spawned the Ex Nazi El Papa

The Venezuelan government is championing the Pemon Indians of the "Gran Sabana" region by demanding the return of the polished stone known to them as "Grandmother" from Berlin's Tiergarten Park.

Caracas is calling it robbery, and the sculptor arguing that the stone was a legal gift.

Bet that didn’t fit in his hand luggage....

And finally:

 Up a whimsy from dahn ere in ‘Ampshire

Hundreds of sports enthusiasts from all over the world descended upon the Lincolnshire hamlet of Swaton to take part in the fiercely egg throwing contest competition held on Sunday.

Teams travelled from as far as Germany and South Africa to take part in the day's events, which included Russian Egg Roulette and Egg Trebuchet.

Eggs were hurled, tossed and launched by teams of competitors, cheered on by family and friends in attendance.

Eggheads could also pay £2 for three attempts at hitting bodybuilder Joel Hicks in the World Target Throwing with Accuracy Challenge.

Competing teams were raising money for a host of charities, with organisers hoping for donations to surpass the £10,000 mark.

President of the World Egg Throwing Championship, Andy Dunlop explained before the event: 'We are expecting records to fall. Ireland in particular seems very confident.

'We use a particular breed of chicken which gives harder shells therefore they should be able to be thrown over 70 metres,' he told the BBC.

The sport dates back to 1322 when a newly appointed Abbot of Swaton ensured attendance at church by providing peasants with one egg each.

However when the River Eau flooded that year, monks were forced to hurl eggs over to waiting peasants who were unable to attend the service. 

They would have raised more if they just sold the eggs-seen the price of them lately?

Addendum:

Email received from Andy Dunlop-admin@eggthrowing.org

Sir,

I read your blog with interest. To clarify, 1500 eggs used, all of which were past their sell by date, value was nil. If not donated, and purchased non waste eggs, would of cost £250. Cash raised by destruction of waste food £10,000. Monies raised used to support hospices, cancer reasearch, immediate care response. No PFI wastage and no politicians involved.

The World Egg Throwing Federation is a totally non profit organisation. All monies raised go to afore mentioned causes. Expenses are not drawn.

Andy Dunlop

Well, thanks Andy that's eggsplaned it eggstremely well-what about Elfandsafety?

That’s it: I’m orf to teach my laptop to recognise his Maj

And today’s thought:

Losing your head over the Olympics

Angus