Elfandsafety NHS: Gaucho Rivero: There’s an app for that: Solar Sanno: Whitburn shark: and Nessie’s back....

Normal “summer” wevver at the Castle this morn-damp, dark, dingy, decidedly dodgy and a dearth of warm stuff, finally managed to load up the Honda with oodles of stuff for the ‘recycling’ centre yestermorn, now I am too knackered to drive dahn there and unload it...

And it seems that “we” are not doing too badly at the sporty thing in the Smoke-thanks to the Ladies...

Up Norf

Manchester NHS Trust officials to stop the use of metal paperclips after a member of staff cut their finger using one.

In a memo to staff, it was warned that the use of metal fasteners was 'prohibited' and the offending clips must be 'carefully disposed of immediately'.

'Due to recent incidents, NHS Manchester has decided to immediately withdraw the use of metal paper fasteners,' explained the memo featuring an accompanying picture of a paper clip - just to avoid any confusion.

'Please ensure any that remain in use be replaced by similar plastic fasteners.

'The use of metal fasteners is prohibited and must be carefully disposed of immediately. Thank you for your co-operation.'

The clips have been banned from the city's GP surgeries, clinics and offices in favour of a plastic alternative.

Is it April 1^st?  So what are they going to do about scalpels, scissors, pens and needles?

Left a fair way and dahn more than a bit

Allegedly any vessel sailing under the British flag has been banned from “mooring, loading or carrying out logistical operations” in Buenos Aires ports.

The bill was brought forward by Patricia Cubría, a deputy belonging to President Cristina Kirchner’s Front for Victory coalition.

It was nicknamed ‘Gaucho Rivero’ after Antonio Rivero, nicknamed the ‘Gaucho’, an Argentine cowboy who led an uprising in the Falkland Islands against the British in 1833.

The law is designed to hinder British ships involved in oil exploration in waters belonging to the islands and will be seen as the latest in a series of provocations in the run up to the 30th anniversary of the Falklands War.

Last year the South American trading bloc Mercosur – which includes Brazil, Argentina, Paraguay and Uruguay – decided to shut its ports to ships flying the Falklands flag.

Didn’t intend to go to Sarf America anyway.....

East more than many miles to the land completely unaffected by radiation

A Japanese electronics company has unveiled a 4m super-robot that can be controlled by an iPhone.

Kuratas" is fitted with a futuristic weapons system, including a Gatling gun capable of shooting 6000 BB bullets a minute, which fires when the pilot in its one-man cockpit smiles.

The four-tonne robot is going on sale for a mere £900,000 ($1.35 million).

The robot can be operated either through a pilot, who mans the controls in a cockpit in its chest cavity, or remotely using the touch screen of any Smartphone connected to the 3G network.

It comes in 16 colours, including black and pink, and for an extra $90 they will sort you out with a cup holder.

Engineers Wataru Yoshizaki and Kogoro Kurata were saluted in front of Kuratas with their pilot, Anna, when they showcased the robot at the Wonder Festival in Chiba, suburban Tokyo yesterday.

The team has been working on the robot since 2010.

The robot's four-wheeled legs ensure that it is easy to transport and the pilot will be able to drive it at a top speed of just under 10km/h.

Wouldn’t want to dial a wrong number then.....

Still in the place where nothing glows in the dark

Sanno, a small village in Hyogo Prefecture, has gone “all solar” after installing 216 solar panels, supplying energy to about 11 households.

Only 42 people are said to be living in the area, and the average age is 60 years.

The solar panels were installed by Sanyo Engineering and Construction, using funds that the municipality has kept for several decades while Kansai Electric Power bought the electricity and provided the village with extra income. Through this renovation, the villagers hope to bring the costs for maintaining facilities down to zero by next year.

Cost effective old farts?

Back in Golden Blighty and up Norf

Fishermen have hauled in a porbeagle shark measuring seven feet in length off the coast at Whitburn.

The shark was already dead when it was caught in the fishing nets by the Star Devine boat.

Local fishmonger Robert Latimer heard about the catch and was immediately interested in bringing it in to his café at Latimer’s Seafood Deli.

"My only guess is the shark was hunting wild salmon and trout, which are migrating, to their home rivers at this time of the year.

“We are totally against discarding any fish – this shark was dead when it was hauled on board, or else we would not have taken it, as it should have been returned alive to the sea.”

Porbeagle sharks are an endangered species with catches dramatically declining over the last 30-40 years.

The shark has been attracting local tourists who have come to Latimer’s to take a peek at the unusual catch, and shark meat is also for sale.

Geordie grub?

And finally:

Even further up Norf

Nessie hunter George Edwards has waited 26 years for this sight, and he now believes he has the best picture ever taken of the Loch Ness monster.

He spends around 60 hours a week taking tourists out on his boat Nessie Hunter IV, and has led numerous Nessie hunts over the years. But this image has convinced him that there really is a monster - or monsters - out there.

It shows a mysterious dark hump moving in the water towards Urquhart Castle. After watching the object for five to ten minutes, Mr Edwards said it slowly sank below the surface and never resurfaced. 

Maybe Nessie is on the way to the Smoke to take part in the sporty thing going on dahn there.

That’s it: I’m orf to practise my quantum key distribution

And today’s thought:

Unemployed get free tickets Olympics

Angus