Climate Aid: Vandals cancel Crimbo: Bangers and Crimbo: Brain puzzle: Nyasasaurus parringtoni: and driving Dogs.

A whimsical layer of white fluffy stuff, a whatnot of atmospheric movement and nary a glimmer of solar stuff at the Castle this morn, the butler is running out of fat, carbon neutral teenagers to feed to the furnace and his Maj is in the study clinging to the radiator.

 

 

And as we all sit here clenching our sphincters in anticipation of the “Autumn Statement”

It turns out that the Piss Poor Policies Millionaires Club Coalition has managed to find £2 billion squids to give to foreign projects including wind turbines in Africa and greener cattle farming in Colombia.

Allegedly the inhabitants of every Castle in backward Blighty will “contribute” £70 to schemes to tackle climate change in developing countries before March 2015, under plans championed by Ed Davey, the Liberal Democrat Energy Secretary.

At a United Nations climate change talks in Doha, Qatar shit for brains Davey gave details of £150 million in new projects as part of Britain’s £1.8 billion in “climate aid” for poorer countries within three years – the equivalent of £70 per household.

Mr Davey said the money should be spent because “climate change is a global threat and with every passing year, the nature and the extent of that threat grows clearer”.

 

Apparently what’s his name-the Deputy Prime Monster hailed the cash as “fantastic news”.

 

Oh fuck, fuck, fuck, fuck, fuck, fuck, fuck---ing hell.

 

Still in Elfandsafety Blighted Blighty

 

Up Norfish in Stanley Durham a nice eight foot metal Crimbo tree with thousands of twinkly blue lights was taken dahn because it was running on 240 volts, Durham County Councillor Carl Marshall, who helped organise the festival, said: 'The tree was metal and covered in LEDs.

'If anyone was to open up a junction box or was messing about with it then there was good risk that they would not just get a little shock.

'It would be a fatality.

 

Just like every lamp post in the land then....

 

Still in the up bit of our white and freezing democracy

A butcher has created a festive dinner – all in one sausage.

James Taylor, 32, and his wife Heather have created Santa’s Grills, which includes sprouts, bacon, chestnuts and sausage meat.

And the sausages, which cost £8 a kilo, have been a hit with customers at their market stall, Bobbys Bangers, in Oldham, Greater Manchester.

“They’re going like hotcakes,” James said. “We’re selling around 2,500 sausages a week.”

He has even made a mince pie banger: “They’re sweet, but a nice change from the norm,” he added.

 

That’s me sorted for Crimbo then.....

 

West to the home of allergies and the land of leaks

Aundrea Aragon had complained for months about her runny nose was horrified to find out that fluid was leaking from her brain.

Several doctors had reassured Aundrea Aragon from Tucson, Arizona, that the clear liquid was simply caused by allergies.

"I was scared to death and desperate," the 35-year-old mother said. "I knew it could not be allergies. The fluid would come out like a puddle."

The steroids and antibiotics she was prescribed had no effect.

"I was walking around with toilet paper shoved up my nose and changing it every ten minutes," Mrs Aragon recalled.

Surgeons at the University of Arizona eventually noticed two small cracks in the back of her sphenoid sinus, which were caused by cerebral pressure.

Using an endoscopic procedure, doctors were able to avoid invasive surgery and fix the condition with a minimal recovery period.

They used tissue from her nose and belly to repair the cracks.

 

I wondered what that grey stuff was last time I sneezed....

 

Back in the bowels of London's Natural History Museum

“They” have apparently discovered the first dinosaur to have walked the Earth, a mysterious fossil specimen that has been in the museum's collection for decades has now been identified as most likely coming from a dinosaur that lived about 245 million years ago - 10 to 15 million years earlier than any previously discovered examples.

It has been named Nyasasaurus parringtoni after southern Africa's Lake Nyasa, now called Lake Malawi, and Cambridge University's Rex Parrington, who collected the specimen at a site near the lake in the 1930s.

The creature was about the size of a Labrador dog.

That’ll help the economy....

 

And finally:

 

Dahn Unda and right a bit

 

A New Zealand animal welfare group has spent eight weeks teaching three of its shelter dogs to drive.

The Auckland SPCA says it wanted to show how intelligent dogs were to encourage more people to adopt them.

Three dogs were chosen from a group of seven and given daily training exercises to familiarise themselves with the mechanics of driving.

After just eight weeks Porter, Monty and Ginny were put behind the wheels of an adapted Mini Cooper and reportedly managed to put it in gear, accelerate and steer.

So far, the dogs have been driving with the help of an assistant inside the car, but their next challenge is to drive solo on live television.

Auckland SPCA Chief Christine Kalin said: "They will hop in, start the car, put it into gear, and use the accelerator.

"It's an off-road raceway track and at all times we have a remote capacity to stop the car should we need to."

Ms Kalin described the three pooches as "highly adoptable", adding: "They are very intelligent, but they aren't any more special than any of the other SPCA dogs.

"Our dream would be throughout our major cities and across Australasia will be people will be proud of owning a rescue dog."

 

That can steal your car.....

 

That’s it: I’m orf to press the red button

 

And today’s thought:

Think I prefer cold weather

 

Angus