Immoral shit for brains U-Turn Cam: How old is your DNA: The Old Nags Vag: Darwin Numptys: The Price of Eggs: and the Sock Monkey earmuffs.

Still chucking it dahn, astonishing amounts of atmospheric movement, masses of lack of warm and not even a glimpse of Dawn’s crack at the Castle this morn, the toofache continues to recede and his Maj is still using his litter tray because of the “wevver”.

 

And the annual “you” kiss my arse and get a gong list is out

It seems that the most deserving person is a bloke who can pedal faster than anyone else.

Read it if you must...I really don’t give a badger’s balls....

 

Our beloved Prime Monster

Is still insisting on sending billions of our squids overseas to help the “poor”, knobhead DC “thinks” that the UK had a “moral obligation to the poorest in the world” even though “times are tough here”, and that  ordinary Brits were happy to see their dosh go abroad — since they already give to charities.

Here’s an idea U-Turn; how about keeping our money in deprived Blighty and let us decide how much to give to charity?

 

And all across ageing Britain

It seems that some Blightyites have taken a blood test to predict how long they have left to live, with dozens more expected to sign up to the new check next year.
 
Around 1,000 people have taken the test globally with thousands of UK customers to be targeted next year, Spanish manufacturer Life Length said. By 2017 the company hopes to have dropped the price to just £65 per person.

Tiny chemical structures in DNA called telomeres are analysed in the £650 test and used to estimate the speed at which a person is ageing.

Recent tests on animals have shown that high levels of short telomeres have been an accurate indication of a reduced life expectancy.

The structures rupture and shorten each time a cell divides meaning that a higher number of short telomeres could be an indication of an increased rate of cell splitting.

 

Sorry but knowing when I will shuffle orf this mortal coil is not an item on my bucket list....

 

West to the home of Saturday Night Live and the land of ‘Orses

 

Allegedly Charlie’s old nag is a bit miffed with “Sir” Paul McCartney because he didn’t say that her baggy old vag “barks like a rabid dog”.

According to a “source” “Sir Paul had nothing to do with the skit on “Saturday Night Live”, but The Queen and Camilla blame him for not nipping it in the bud,” an insider told American tabloid the National Enquirer.

“Camilla told Charles, ‘Why is it that when Paul is on that show, I am ridiculed? Your mother is furious as well. It’s so offensive…There is no excuse!’”

 

Nah; what is offensive is the thought of the almost royal mare’s old nether bits...

 

Dahn Unda to a fairway

Apparently a scantily-clad man has angered RAAF bosses when he played a round at the RAAF Darwin Golf Club wearing just a green mankini and golf shoes while swigging a stubbie.

According to some “members”:

"He should be charged ... indecent exposure," said Raechel Watts.

Debbie Neat said the man's dress code was "totally disrespectful of the game".

"How disgusting! He should not have been allowed to play without proper attire!" said Jennifer Fitzgibbins.

 

And the “Numptys”... those three above....

 

Up to the place where tuna doesn’t come from

A man tried to eat 30 raw eggs for a bet – but collapsed with severe stomach pains and died.

Dhaou Fatnassi, 20, scoffed 28 before he began feeling violently ill. He was rushed to hospital but was pronounced dead on arrival.

The exact cause of death has not yet been established.

Mr Fatnassi made the wager with friends in Kairouan, north east Tunisia, for an undisclosed sum of money.

 

Wasn’t enough was it.....

 

And finally:

 

Back over to the left

 

Cold ears... Now you can be the proud owner of a pair of sock monkey muffs for the meagre price of $9.99 (plus postage).

 

Can’t wait for those to arrive....

 

That’s it: I’m orf to get annoyed

 

And today’s thought:

This mirror needs a clean

 

 

Angus