Old fart gets stented: Cost of Crimbo: Confiscated cupcake: Evicted snap: and the twelve days of Irish.

A cold, damp and slightly dismal start to the last sleep day before Crimbo at the Castle this morn, I have stuffed so many fat teenagers into the furnace that the Elfandsafety elves have been round to complain about the amount of smoke coming from the chimney, his Maj is eagerly awaiting the arrival of a big fat bloke in a funny red suit and this will be the last post for a few days. 

But I would like to wish all the visitors and commenter’s who were unlucky enough to happen on my Piss Poor blog, and blogosphere friends a very happy Crimbo and a merry new year (after all it couldn’t be any worse than this one...can it?).

Apparently a ninety year old has been airlifted to hospital for heart surgery

Phil the Greek is in Papworth after suffering from chest pains at Sandringham, the palace said that following tests the duke was found to have a blocked coronary artery which had caused his chest pains.

This was treated successfully by the minimally invasive procedure of coronary stenting.

And as the old git lays there being waited on hand and foot I hope he has a think about the thousands of “older” people who are going to have to wait for a year or so to have their damaged hips replaced, their dodgy knees done and other bits repaired.

But he probably won’t; especially if the “staff” comes from foreign climes....

Allegedly:

If you do the 12 days of Crimbo thing

It will cost $101,000, an annual Christmas "price guide" says.

The "price tag" for all 364 items and services in each of the song's verses breaks $100,000 for the first time this year, the Christmas Price Index released for the 28th year by PNC Wealth Management, part of the PNC Financial Services Group, said.

The prices included nine ladies dancing at $6,294 and 11 pipers piping at $2,427.60.

And if you can't afford the $2,629.90 for the 12 drummers drumming, there's always that partridge -- although that's up this year to $15.

And that pear tree will run you $169.

Not too bad, I reckon that works out at about £64,421.39 for the lot in English, that’s only about twenty year’s money if you are unemployed....

Meanwhile the Crimbo spirit is thriving over to the left

A woman who just flew back home from Las Vegas says an airport security officer confiscated her frosted cupcake because he thought the icing on it could be a security risk.

Rebecca Hains said the Transportation Security Administration agent at McCarran International Airport took her cupcake Wednesday, telling her its frosting was enough like a gel to violate TSA restrictions on allowing liquids and gels onto flights to prevent them from being used as explosives. She said the agent told her the frosting was conforming to the jar it was inside.

Hains, who lives in Peabody, just north of Boston, said the agent didn't seem concerned that the cupcake could actually be explosive, just that it fit some bureaucratic definition about what was prohibited. She said he even offered to let her eat it away from the airport security area.
The TSA, which is entrusted with protecting the nation's transportation system, was reviewing the situation, agency spokesman Nico Melendez said. Passengers are allowed to take cakes and cupcakes through checkpoints, he said.


Apart from this time apparently.

Still in the land of the evicted and the home of the free

A pair of grandparents in Indiana were kicked out of a mall for taking photos - of their grandson.

Debbie Cassella and Don Oberloh were at the University Park Mall just outside of South Bend, Ind., on Tuesday with their five-year-old grandson who was visiting from California, local TV news outlet WNDU reports.

The couple had planned to take their grandson to see Santa at the mall, and were sitting in the mall's food court when Oberloh snapped a photo of their grandson, the station reported.

That's when a mall employee told them to stop taking pictures or risk getting thrown out of the mall.

"I thought she was joking and I said, 'I'm taking a picture of my grandson,'" Oberloh told WNDU. "I'd understand if I was taking pictures of the architecture or the products in the stores and she became a little hostile and aggressive."

Oberloh asked to speak to the mall's manager but security staff came and asked him to leave instead, he told the station.

A spokesperson for the mall told WNDU that mall managers are investigating the incident, and noted that the mall does have a policy prohibiting photography.

Sounds like the security staff were a bit “snappy”...

And finally:
 

The Irish version of the twelve days.

That’s it: I’m orf to raise the drawbridge, lower the portcullis, man the murder holes and boil the oil in case the carol singers come round.

And today’s thought:

Angus

Silly Billy for PM: Slumped Wallpaper : Gritty skid: Bad snaps: Barnsley Brussels: and the dancing Crimbo safety demo.

Warmish, wettish and wobblyish at the Castle this two sleeps to go morn, the Crimbo shopping is all sorted-one Crimbo meal in a box, a parsnip, six mince pies, custard, a bit of Crimbo cake and a partridge in a pear tree.

I have treated myself to a new “smart phone” which runs on android 2.2; I will let you know how good it is when I have worked out how to turn it on.

I staggered into the garden yesterday and believe it or not there are snowdrops in flower!

And the interweb thingy is still dropping in and out-I still blame the Government.

And talking of the Piss Poor Policies Millionaires Club Coalition

According to (I will never take a Lordship) John (I really needed a new fake beam on my house) Prescott if U-Turn Cam pops his clogs Silly Billy Hague is the most likely candidate to fill his boots.

Oh joy.....

 

Allegedly:

Son of a B.....aronet (and alien reptile in disguise) George (we are all in this together) Osborne’s family business is having a bit of a slump.

Osborne & Little, the luxury wallpaper and furnishings firm run by Sir Peter Osborne, the Chancellor's father, has posted a loss and predicted tough trading conditions ahead.

The £32.8m turnover company, which has glamorous showrooms on the Kings Road in London and in Paris, Munich and Milan, paid one director £736,000 in salary and pension contributions.

But no dividend was distributed to its shareholders, led by Sir Peter Osborne, who founded the firm with his brother-in-law Antony Little in 1968. George Osborne retains a 15pc stake via a trust.

Sir Peter, the 17th holder of a hereditary baronetcy, said the rise in raw material prices had reduced its gross margins to 53pc and that had directly led to the loss.

Osborne & Little made use of its banking facilities with HSBC, drawing more heavily on its invoice financing and its overdraft during the year. The overdraft is up for renewal in January and the directors said they were confident the bank would renew the facilities.

Oh dear what a shame....

North of the border

A runaway gritter hit black ice, skidded down a hill and crashed into the garden of an Inverness home.

Audrey Barnett, 40, was woken by a loud noise on Tuesday morning and found the vehicle embedded in the front garden of her home.

The gritter’s crew was unhurt, although a neighbour’s car was also damaged in the crash.

“I heard a loud bang, and thought, this sounds close. I looked out of the window and there was a snow plough sitting in my garden,” Mrs Barnett said. “It had bashed into my next door neighbour’s car, then through the dividing fence and completely taken out the top half of my garden.

“I could see two shocked men in the plough. They opened the doors, and the driver got out and fell on the ice before they came over.”

Having offered what help they could and given Mrs Barnett a council phone number to ring, the men then reversed the vehicle and left. Highland Council officials visited her house on Tuesday and confirmed they would rebuild the garden and foot the bill.

Ironic or what....

Still in slippery Blighty

Photography tuition company Red Cloud has launched the contest to find the country’s most inept snapper.

Entrants have included blurred faces, missed animal shots and extreme close-ups that go so far they miss the subject.

Organisers said they want to prove even the most hapless photographer can be turned into a budding pro.

‘We think everyone has the potential to take great photos with a little help and training,’ said Red Cloud founder Lee Brown.

Pictures should be submitted, with the photographer’s permission, to badpics@redclouddays.co.uk before the end of February.

Competition entries can be viewed at www.redclouddays.co.uk, where people will be able to vote for their favourite ‘worst’ image.

 

Already sent in my entry...

 

And still in non white Crimbo Blighty

Andy Simpson says his new delicacy of Brussels coated in finest Belgian chocolate are selling like hot cakes at just 25p each.

Andy, who has a store at the Elsecar Heritage Centre, near Barnsley, South Yorks, came up with the idea while on one of his regular visits to schools, where he teaches pupils about the origins of their favourite treat.

The 49-year-old said: "I am always looking for something new and with Christmas approaching Brussels sprouts immediately popped into my mind.

"I decided to try them out on customers and they are proving popular and I'm hoping to sell a lot more to people looking for something a little different to have with their Christmas dinner.

"I know Brussels sprouts are a bit like Marmite, you either love them or loathe them. I like them, they are a nice chocolatey shape but I must admit they are an acquired taste."

 Think I’ll pass on that one.

And finally:

East to the land of not a happy Crimbo

Cabin crew from a Philippine airliner who danced to fame after incorporating Lady Gaga into their safety demo have learnt a new routine set to Mariah Carey's All I Want For Christmas.

Manila-based Cebu Pacific airline gained fame by dancing through their safety routine to the backing of Lady Gaga, but this time have updated it for the festive holiday period.

The Philippine airline says the choreographed dance helps passengers pay more attention to the demonstration, which instructs passengers of how to use their seat belts and life jackets.

Candice Iyog, an airline spokesman, said: "Now that it's Christmas, we wanted to bring a little more fun into the flight."

They haven’t been watching the news have they...

 That’s it: I’m orf to count the toes on a Jumbo

And today’s thought:

Angus

Broken chips: Paper power: Groin ball: Watching paint dry: Pandabare: and Simple French.

Moist and muggy at the Castle this morn, just got back from Tesco on the stale bread, gruel and pussy food run-the place was absolutely heaving (before seven of the am) with lunatics grabbing everything in sight and filling up two or three trolleys, and they will be open again just after Crimbo. 

As our beloved Piss Poor Policies Millionaires Club Coalition is on its Crimbo hols there is no one to take the piss out of so a truncated post this ‘two sleeps’ to go morn.

So a bit of science to start with. 

 “Scientists” across the pond have come up with ‘self healing chips’

Electronic that is not the starchy kind; they have created a circuit that heals itself when cracked thanks to the release of liquid metal which restores conductivity.

The process takes less than the blink of an eye to bring the circuit back to use.

The researchers said that their work could eventually lead to longer-lasting gadgets as well as solving one of the big problems of interplanetary travel.

The work was carried out by a team of scientists and engineers at the University of Illinois at Urbana-Champaign and is published in the journal Advanced Materials.

I hope they solder on with it..... 

And:

Over to the East more than a whimsy

Sony has unveiled a paper-powered battery prototype in Japan.

The technology generates electricity by turning shredded paper into sugar which in turn is used as fuel.

If brought to market, the innovation could allow the public to top up the power of their mobile devices using waste material.

The Japanese electronics giant showed off its invention at the Eco-Products exhibition in Tokyo last week.

Employees invited children to drop piece of paper and cardboard into a liquid made up of water and enzymes, and then to shake it. The equipment was connected to a small fan which began spinning a few minutes later.

The process works by using the enzyme cellulase to decompose the materials into glucose sugar. These were then combined with oxygen and further enzymes which turned the material into electrons and hydrogen ions.

The electrons were used by the battery to generate electricity, water and the acid gluconolactone, which is commonly used in cosmetics, were created as by-products.

Finally found a use for all the junk mail that vomits through the portcullis.

Still in the land of surprise attacks

Groin Ball is a game that supposedly originated in Japan, is played by men, and obviously involves the hitting of man veg.

Two teams involved in a game of Groin Ball each consist of two players – a ball thrower and a target player. The target players of each team face each other, holding on to the other’s shoulders. Their feet need to be shoulder-width apart, all through the game. A supply of tennis balls is provided to each of the throwers, who have to hurl them between the legs of the target players, aiming of course, at the groin. The balls hit the ground and then bounce up to smash into the groin of the opposing target player.

Sounds like a load of old bollocks to me……

And back in ballsed up Blighty

The excitement is growing for the wondrous event to take place next year, no not the overpriced Olympics but the first ever World Watching Paint Dry Championships:

A spokesman for the organisers LocalTraders.com said: 'We’ve all heard the phrase, "I’d rather watch paint dry" and so we have decided the time has come to give people the chance to do so, for as long as they can bear.

'You don’t need to be physically fit or participate in a vigorous training regime, what’s more important is mental strength, concentration and endurance.

'Previous paint-watching experience isn’t essential, but a bit of practice might help prepare contestants for the mammoth task ahead of them.'

Watching paint dry on a mammoth; that does sound exciting....anyway if the idea of watching dulux harden floats your boat you can sign up Here.

Back across the salty thing on the left

A west Florida community is spending $3,800 in tax dollars to entice naked Germans to spend their summer vacations there.

The advertising grant was awarded Tuesday by the Pasco County commission to Pandabare, a local nudist organization representing 16 resorts, campgrounds and clubs located in the largely rural county north of Tampa.

The ads, to be placed in European publications, will promote the county's longstanding reputation as the nudist capital of America.

"The idea is to create a Euro-bird season in July and August which are our worst two months of the year," said Eric Keaton, public communications manager for the Pasco County tourist development agency. Keaton said nudism contributes to the county's economy, but he had no figures to quantify its impact.

The first target market for the ad campaign will be Germany which, according to Pandabare's application, is "a large and lucrative market whose millions of nudists are among the world's most prolific travellers." The group also anticipates a campaign aimed at British nudists.

Roll on next July then....but whatever you do don’t go to the Pandabare site...

And finally:

Over to the right a bit

An official body that includes government ministers and a representative of the Academie Francaise, the eminent French language institution, issued a new set of rules to simplify the spellings of many words, either to bring them in line with pronunciation or to eliminate exceptions.

The changes were made in 1990 — but French media are just getting wind of them.

For example, "aout" (August) drops the pointy circumflex accent over the "u''. "Baby-sitter" gets Frenchified into "babysitteur." Bonhomie, which has come into English with that spelling, becomes bonhommie — to reflect its root "homme" (man).

Both the new and old spellings remain acceptable, but the new ones are supposed to be taught in schools, so they will eventually — in theory — replace the old.

Unfortunately few people seem to know about them, many are opposed, and most school texts don't use the new spellings. Even the Academie Francaise itself has chosen to include only some of the new spellings at the end of its dictionary — explaining that it would like to wait it out and see which spellings are adopted in general usage before giving its official blessing.

When television stations became aware of the "new" rules last month, they sent reporters out into the streets to test the French. Very few identified the new spellings as the correct ones — they all looked so strange! — Though frequent, significant hesitations underscored how difficult even the French find it to spell their own words.

I have enough trouble with English spelling, vive la coquilles.

That’s it: I’m orf to update my login

And today’s thought:

Angus

Leaf power: Dutch bird flu: Croissant crim: Lambo Numpty: Duck a’la Fluffy: and F*****g Crimbo.

Moist, muggy and moody at the Castle this morn, the study remains replete with confused computers, and his Maj has discovered the joy of jumping on my lap, passing wind and then jumping orf and walking away... 

The interweb thingy is a touch faster today-I blame the Government....

 

Not a lot of “proper” news this Wednesday so here are some fill ins.

East to the place that is still glowing in the dark

Car manufacturer Nissan has unveiled new technology that allows an electric vehicle to power a home.

It has developed a system in which its new electric car, the Leaf, can be plugged into a house to provide it with another source of energy. The company’s Smart Home Charging technology is designed to encourage consumers to move away from using electricity provided by the main grid and use their car for more than just motoring.

At the heart of this energy drive is the Nissan Leaf (Leading, Environmentally friendly, Affordable, Family car). In a recent demonstration at the Tokyo Motor Show, Nissan showed how the car can power a home by being connected to a power control system box (PCS) that is hooked up to the property.

In the demonstration, the Leaf was powering a specially-designed Smart House but Nissan is confident the technology could be used with existing homes. The power control system box will go on sale at the end of March next year in Japan, where more than 8,000 Leafs have been sold since the car launched in December 2010. The box will cost more than £4,000.

Absolute bollocks, the “power inverter” has been around for decades, you can even buy one from Sainsburys.

Over to the place full of very tall people and very stupid “scientists”

A deadly strain of bird flu with the potential to infect and kill millions of people has been created in a laboratory by European scientists – who now want to publish full details of how they did it.

The discovery has prompted fears within the US Government that the knowledge will fall into the hands of terrorists wanting to use it as a bio-weapon of mass destruction.

Some scientists are questioning whether the research should ever have been undertaken in a university laboratory, instead of at a military facility.

The US Government is now taking advice on whether the information is too dangerous to be published.

No shit-what is the matter with these “people”....

Across the channel to our friends' place

French police are on the hunt for a man in his forties who has held up a series of bakeries in Paris suburbs to steal croissants and other baked goods.

Since December 9, the man has robbed five bakeries in the western suburbs of the French capital, police said; each time using the same modus operandi.

After placing an order, the man holds up what appears to be a fake revolver, points it at the person behind the cash register and takes his pastries without paying.

No one has been injured in the robberies and in each case the value of the goods stolen has been low, at between eight and 20 Euros (£7 and £17).

And I thought that man cannot live by bread alone....

Left to the land of the fast and the home of the insurance claim

Utah resident David Dopp the Frito-Lay truck driver won a green Lamborghini Murciélago LP640 Roadster, the grand prize in the "Joe Schmo To Lambo" contest operated by Maverik gas stations and teamgive.org last month.

And of course the inevitable happened; Less than six hours after taking delivery of the Lamborghini, Dopp lost control of the 640-horsepower Italian, hopped a curb and spun it into an embankment 75 feet from the road.

Police say the accident was likely "speed-related," although Dopp reportedly says he was only doing 40-50 mph when he lost control of the car on a section of road with a 35-mph speed limit. Dopp maintains he might have hit some black ice or gravel.

 

Or he could just be a Numpty....

Dahn Unda

Fluffy the crocodile was tasting down arriving on vet Doug English's operating table 10 days ago.

The 1.3m saltie was found near death by the roadside, clenching a recently caught duck between her sizable jaws after being hit by a bus at Yorkeys Knob.

After noticing the injured reptile about midnight, a local farmer braved the crocodile’s feisty temperament and loaded her in his car.

Dr English had to act quickly to save the croc during an early-morning emergency surgery that lasted almost two hours.

"Its guts were all ruptured and spilling out the side – we had to do the surgery straight away otherwise she would’ve died," he said.

Clinic staff were pleased to see her bite return after the surgery.

 

Wonder who Yorkey is, and what happened to the duck.....

And finally:

In the land of Hitler’s birth

Residents of the Austrian town of F***ing have given up trying to live down their name and are cashing in with a range of Christmas cards.

Locals have given up on trying to discourage visitors from making fun of the name and have instead decided to turn it into an asset.

As well as the sell-out 'F***ing Christmas cards', local businesses are also doing a roaring trade with 'F***ing beer' and a range of 'F***ing' souvenirs.

The village's name is understood to come from a sixth century noble called Lord Focko, with 'ing' being old-fashioned German for 'family of'.

Local mayor Franz Meindl had previously complained about tourists flocking to the village to be photographed in front of the 'F***ing' road signs. 

He said: "They have been a nuisance for years, some even strip off naked, and the worst steal the 'F***ing' signs. They think it’s funny but a new 'F***ing' sign is expensive.

"There is nothing funny in the name to us. If other people laugh about it, there is nothing we can do. But we pronounce it differently in our dialect and it was never funny in any way."

In the end the village concreted the poles in place and welded the signs in tight to stop them being pinched.

The villagers even had a debate about whether to change the name but decided in the end to keep their name after learning that the nearby German village of W**k had developed a flourishing tourism business.

No sense of humour, no wonder they never watched “allo, allo”-fucking wankers.....

That’s it: I’m orf to put some pressure on Iron oxide. 

And today’s thought:

Angus

Chuffin U-Turn cam: Taxing retirement: The wheels on the Ford: Parallel parking: Lazy anti lazy training: and Shoddy Aylesbury.

Oodles of the white crusty stuff at the Castle this morn, the furnace is replete with fat teenagers, the study is nicely inhabited with uncooperative computers and his Maj is curled up on a chair next to a radiator. 

After finally growing at least one gonad

Our beloved Prime Monster has gorn orf the rails, according to U-Turn Cam Britain cannot afford to miss out on new high speed rail links from the capital to Manchester, Birmingham, Leeds and other cities.

He reckons that- “If we want to be a world-beating country with world-beating businesses I think it is the right answer to be looking at high speed rail,” he said, during an event for DHL Express workers in Hounslow.

“Of course it’s difficult and you have to spend a lot of money on tunnels and making sure the people who live on the line get compensation. But if you want to take on the best economies in the world, you’ve got to have the best transport systems in the world and I think that means some high speed rail.” 

Here’s an idea-leave the piss poor railway system as it is and spend the £32,500,000,000 on housing, helping companies and training for the people of the North East instead....

Because 32 and a half billion is a lot to pay for twenty minutes or so less travelling time, and planes are faster......

It seems that that the knob at the top of HMRC is orf

Dave Hartnett will retire in the summer of 2012, HM Revenue and Customs (HMRC) has announced.

From January, the permanent secretary of tax, who turns 61 in February, will work with a new HMRC chief executive - Lin Homer.

Last month, Mr Hartnett admitted to a committee of MPs that mistakes had been made in a tax deal negotiated by HMRC with Goldman Sachs.

And in September last year, he apologised to 1.4 million people who were receiving letters revealing an underpayment of tax. This came hours after a refusal to apologise brought severe criticism.

Wonder what his pension will be.....

Across the briny on the left

 Ford Motor Co recalled nearly 129,000 Ford Fusion and Mercury Milan sedans in the United States citing a risk that the wheels may fall off, U.S. safety regulators said on Friday.

These cars, from the model year 2010 and 2011, are equipped with 17-inch steel wheels. Ford said the wheel studs may fracture, causing the car to shake. If ignored, the wheels may fall off while the car is moving, according to a posting on the National Highway Traffic Safety Administration website.

The problems may be caused by steel wheel mounting pads or rear brake discs that have been incorrectly built and cannot properly support the wheel, Ford said.

As of September 30, Ford has found one case when the front wheel fell off and five cases where the rear wheel dropped off that are possibly due to these problems.

The cars were built at the Hermosillo stamping and assembly plant in Mexico from April 2009 and from December 2009 through November 13, 2010. Cars with alloy wheels are not affected.

Ford said 128,616 cars are affected by the recall.

Bloody lazy Mexicans......

And up a bit to the big fruit

  

Not so much parallel parking more of a mugging.

West even further until it becomes East

Five Chinese officials have been suspended from their jobs after they were observed sleeping or reading newspapers during a video conference on stamping out laziness at work, state media reported Friday.

The officials, all high-level workers at tax bureau in the northern province of Shanxi, were supposed to be participating in a meeting to push better work discipline, the official Xinhua news agency reported.

It did not say for how long they would be suspended.

The campaign is to remind officials they cannot leave their posts, play games or "attend recreational activities" during office hours, Xinhua added.

Bloody lazy Chinese....

And finally:

Back in lonely Blighty

Up a bit to the posh part, a council Christmas display was described as "embarrassing" as faulty lights left Santa with no face, a reindeer with one antler and the town of Aylesbury described as a "great lace to live".

Faulty lights in Aylesbury town centre, Buckinghamshire, have been erected with several malfunctions, which have led to the £27,000 display being called the shabbiest in Britain.

It includes reindeer with only one antler and one leg as well as Santa without a face.

Once darkness falls, one sign describes the town as "a great lace to be" while another declares "seasns eets" from Aylesbury Vale District Council

 

The joys of Crimbo.

That’s it: I’m orf to do a bit of Nano carving.

And today’s thought:

Angus

I’ve got more than enough: Frying tonight: NHS I.T. tosspots: Old sarnie: Supercharged mobility: and Crimbo becomes a “Winter Festival”.

A whimsy colder than the coldest thing you can think off at the castle this morn, the Honda has a brand new rear exit window and it had been a roller coaster week.

As of yestermorn I am no longer a benefit scrounger, after two days on the dole, the study is packed to the rafters with dodgy digit do dahs, and I have enough work to last well into the New Year.

So I contacted my 12 year old “personal advisor” dahn at the non Jobs Centre and ‘politely’ told him to place my claim for £65 per week into his out tray.

 Just returned from the stale bread, gruel and pussy food run at Tesco, his Maj’s Dreamies have gorn back up to £1.36, and the rest of the shopping is still rising in price.

 

There has been a fair few “anonymous” commenter’s wanting to submit posts, no problem, all you have to do is contact me on the email address on the blog (angusdei@live.co.uk)and we will go from there.

According to those “climate change” chappies

Alternative sources of energy, such as cooking oil and wood, must account for 10 per cent of Britain’s energy by 2050.

This is essential if Britain is to meet its legally-binding obligation to cut greenhouse gases to 20 per cent of their level in 1990 by 2050.

Other changes advocated by the Committee included building houses out of wood rather than steel, cement and concrete which were responsible for generating higher carbon emissions.

A number of bus companies, including Stagecoach, have started using cooking oil for part of their fleet.

Trials were started in Kilmarnock, three years ago. Used fat is now being used on buses in Cambridge and Gwynedd.

They won’t be any more punctual but at least you will smell them coming...

And the suppliers of the defunct NHS I.T. ‘system’

Is set to receive a £2 billion extension despite the failed project being abandoned, it was claimed last night.

Computer Sciences Corporation [CSC] has reportedly informed Wall Street that it expects its contract to provide electronic patient records across the NHS to be extended.

Taxpayers are now facing an estimated £2billion bill, despite the company already failing to deliver a fully functional version of its software, The Times reported.

The £11.4billion National Programme for IT, set up in 2002, was at the time billed as the world’s biggest civilian computerisation project.

It aimed to give doctors instant access to patient records wherever they were being treated and CSC had signed a deal to computerise records in most of England.

Digitising the medical records of the country’s 62 million people was the core objective of the National Programme for IT in the NHS, accounting for £7bn of the total estimated cost.

Yet CSC stated in official US papers that it was in talks with the British Government for its contract to be extended until 2017, at a cost of up to £2billion.

On Wednesday night, the Department of Health [DoH] admitted that “negotiations” were ongoing with the company over its NHS contracts, but would not comment further.

Sigh.....

Over the wet, wavy thing on the left

A sandwich which stays fresh for up to two years has been developed for the US army as Dr George McGavin found out as part of his investigation into what happens when food rots.

Preservation is done without freeze drying or refrigeration. The trick: Without water, bacteria can’t grow, so removing the water would preserve the food… but a without water, food would taste terrible. So, they use honey, sugar and salt to grab the water and keep it from being used by pests. Also a packet of iron filings scavenges the oxygen. Removing the oxygen prevents yeast, mold and bacteria from growing.

No thanks....

Back in Blighty

A mobility scooter has been seized by Doncaster council officers after being driven at speeds of up to 60mph, scaring wild deer and annoying residents in the area.

Converted to be driven by a supercharged 140cc petrol engine, the mobility scooter was described as a 'feat of engineering' by Cynthia Ransome, Doncaster council's communities officer.

As well as the engine, it had been 'pimped' with go-kart wheels and a large exhaust.

The mobility scooter's 24-year-old rider was stopped and the vehicle seized on Sunday. It has now been returned to its owner.





That’ll scare the poo out of him.

And finally:

Still in the land of the Piss Poor Policies Millionaires Club Coalition

Marilyn Sharland, a vicar, is furious after Liberal Democrats called Christmas 'the winter festive season' in a local newsletter.

Rev Marilyn Sharland said she was annoyed that the "banal" headline in the Lib Dem flyer showed disrespect to Christians by failing to give Christmas its proper name.

"I was really, really put out," said Rev Sharland, who is a canon of Gloucester cathedral as well as a parish vicar in the city.

"I'm fed up with people trying to sideline the Christian faith and as a consequence they are sidelining the festival of Christmas.

"People of all faiths and those who have none all celebrate Christmas because it's a lovely time and a great thing to do."

But Gloucestershire County Councillor Bill Crowther (Lib Dem, Hucclecote) said he did not understand why anyone would take offence.

He said: "We decided on the headline because it was an article about all the great things going on in December in Hucclecote, including things at the churches, and praising the people involved in them.

“They” really don’t get it do they.

 That’s it: I’m orf to chase a French glacier. 

And today’s thought:

Angus

Taxing jobs: GCHQ for sale: Horoscope Employer: Ghost tea-leaf: Pedestrian roller coaster: and Crimbo in Brighton.

Clear, cold and curmudgeonly at the Castle this morn, yestermorn something wondrous happened; the 48 day old mist lifted and the big bright yellow thing appeared in the endless blue thing, so Angus of the Dei and his Maj tentatively stepped into the garden and thirty seconds later five thousand midges descended for a feast-shortest bit of sunbathing ever.... 

The study is a vacuum for any sort of disassembled machines; the butler is frantically stuffing fat teenagers into the furnace and my ballcock needs replacing-again.

In receding Blighty

The deputy Prime Monster reckons that the £1 billion plan to tackle high youth unemployment will apparently be paid for by taxes on "people with the broadest shoulders".

Speaking on BBC Radio 4's Today programme, Mr Clegg would not specify where the money would come from to pay for the plan, which will cost £1 billion over three years.

But he said: "We will do everything we can to make sure the poorest are protected. We will not balance the books of this country on the backs of the poorest".

Liar, liar wallets on fire....

And:  

Apparently GCHQ is to explore commercial applications for their top secret expertise in a move designed to help the country fight off cyber attacks.

The move is part of the government’s new “cyber security strategy” which is seeking to make better use of the expertise at the Cheltenham listening centre.

The strategy says that GCHQ is “home to world-class expertise in cyber security” and it wants that to be used to support the private sector “without compromising the agency's core security and intelligence mission.”

The agency has agreed for the first time to “work with private sector partners to explore the potential commercial applications for GCHQ's unique expertise.”

It will also explore “strategic vehicles” for bringing together industry, academia and government to exploit the latest innovations in cyber security.

A major new development could see GCHQ developing a venture capital “model” to help fund innovation in cyber security in small and medium-sized enterprises, based on a model developed by the CIA.

Oh well if America does it then we have no problems-look at how well the toxic mortgage thing went... 

East more imperial units than I can count

According to the job posting of a Chinese employer long-haired freaky people need not apply for jobs, and Scorpios or Virgos aren't wanted either.

The unusual job ad was posted at a university in Wuhan for an unidentified English-language training firm.

"We don't want Scorpios or Virgos, and Capricorns," the job posting says, according to the newspaper.

A woman at the company said she's found Scorpios and Virgos to be feisty and critical.

Virgo’s feisty and critical-never-I’m a Virgo....

Keep going East even more

A former police officer accused of theft in the US stunned a court when he blamed a ghost in his basement.

Joseph Hughes, from Mount Gilead, Ohio, faced 21 charges against him, including stealing 12 air conditioning units, a 6,000 watt generator and a welder.

All are believed to have been taken from the Morrow County sheriff's office - one air conditioner was even labelled 'auditor' in thick black marker.

But after the stolen articles were found in Hughes's basement, he gave a paranormal defence for why he didn't know they were there.

"It's going to sound kind of ridiculous, but we believed that there was some kind of paranormal presence in the basement," Hughes said in court.

Ghosts that install air conditioners and weld things-no wonder the job market is so bad....

Back in what’s left of Europe

Designed by Hamburg-based designer duo Heike Mutter and Ulrich Genth, the walkable roller-coaster titled Tiger & Turtle - Magic Mountain is 45 meters high and consists of 249 steps. Visitors can climb on the curved sculpture and walk around, and take in the surrounding views from the spiral walkways in their own pace.

The structure is located on top of a mining waste tip at the Heinrich-Hildebrand-Height in the Angerpark, overlooking the Rhine in Duisburg, Germany.

About 120 tons of galvanised steel were used to make the sculpture which is supported by 17 posts. At night LED lights illuminate the handrails.  

Sort of defeats the object, and how do you get round the loop....

And finally: 

Dahn by the sea in Blighty

Brighton woman Fiona Turton is renting out her stable for £12 a night during December - complete with straw bed, manger and resident donkey - in an effort to get Brits to rediscover the magic of Christmas.

With the proceeds of the venture going to Leukaemia and Lymphoma Research, the modern version of the birthplace of Jesus Christ features mood lighting, electricity, heating and an ornamental fireplace and bookcase.

In addition to a straw bed for two, a manger and resident donkey, the little Bethlehem - located 2,300 miles away from the real deal on an organic farm in the South Downs - comes complete with tea-making facilities and an armchair.

Shepherd costumes, bath towels and WiFi are available at an additional cost, but traditional yuletide lessons are free of charge.

Think I’ll stay in the Castle this Crimbo.

That’s it: I’m orf to suss out somewhere to retire to.

And today’s thought:

 Angus