I hate Talk Talk: Lordy Lordy: Cultural men: Seeing Eye Goats: Paddling Numptys: Pippa gets a new job: Pissed Parrots: and climbing the ladder of Elfandsafety.

Calm, sunnyish, warmish and dry at the Castle this morn, the new resident is snuggled up against me and is in the land of nod after an hour of lunacy and the Honda is covered with yellow dust again, which will probably be added to by the volcanic ash which is allegedly on its way.

I am in the process of changing my ISP, I have been with Tiscali since the orf and have been very happy, decent prices, excellent connection and no bovver.

Then Talk bleedin Talk took them over and my last monthly bill has risen by almost fifty pc, so I phoned them to find out why they were ripping me orf (at my expense) and as soon as the twelve year old found out that I am with Tiscali transferred me to “the other division”.

Twenty seven minutes later I was left with the promise of a phone call to “sort things out” in a months time and look forward to receiving my next inflated bill in a few days time.

So I contacted Orange (my mobile provider) who have offered me a great deal, a new wireless router, no connection charge and fixed prices for the next 18 months.

The only snag is that they tried to contact Talk Talk to obtain my mac code and surprise, surprise they couldn’t get through.

So Orange will ring me back today at 11 of the am and we will try again.

I hate Talk Talk…..

Apparently Lord Hanningfield is a bit bemused by all the hoo-ha over his expenses

He told Chelmsford Crown Court he was "horrified" to find himself being prosecuted because of claim forms he spent just "a minute a month" filling out.

The former Lords opposition frontbencher and Essex County Council leader is alleged to have fraudulently claimed parliamentary expenses for hotels in London between March 2006 and April 2009 when he did not in fact stay overnight in the capital.

Lord Hanningfield, 70, who denies six counts of false accounting, said he "quite honestly assumed" he could claim the maximum amount after learning that this was what 85% of peers did.

Asked by his defence counsel why he thought he was entitled to the full sum, he said: "The £30-40 a day that was then available on the daily allowance was very little."

The peer, from West Hanningfield, near Chelmsford, Essex, told the court he saw the money as a "living-out-of-London allowance" rather than overnight subsistence.

Lord Hanningfield said he spent "a minute a month" completing the Lords' expenses claim form in exactly the same way each time, not even including rises in train fares.

"If I had known how important some people saw those forms, I would have done much more. I didn't see it as self-certifying, I saw it as means of getting expenses," he said.

Isn’t hindsight a wonderful thing......?

According to “research”

Simply observing culture improves the physical health and mental wellbeing of men more than attempting to be creative, it is claimed.

Women seem to benefit more from taking part in artistic activities than just watching them, however.

Researchers suggest that doctors and policymakers should therefore promote cultural activities as a simple way to lower stress.

“The results indicate that the use of cultural activities in health promotion and healthcare may be justified,” say the authors, whose study is published online in the Journal of Epidemiology and Community Health.

In the paper, researchers from the Norwegian University of Science and Technology analyse the results of a three-year questionnaire of 50,797 adults, who were asked about what cultural and creative activities they took part in as well as their health and happiness.

They were asked how often they went to museums, art exhibitions, concerts, plays, films, church or sporting fixtures, as well as how often they participated in club meetings, sang or played musical instruments, danced, worked out or played a sport, or took part in outdoor activities.

The academics conclude: “This population-based study suggests gender-dependent associations between cultural participation and physical health, anxiety, depression and satisfaction with life.”

Money helps quite a bit as well.

Across to the place O’Bama has left

Michelle Feldstein was prepared to provide special accommodations for the blind horse she recently added to the flightless ducks, clawless cats and homeless llamas inhabiting her animal shelter in Montana.

But nothing could prepare her for the 40-legged, seeing-eye entourage that accompanied "Sissy," a sightless, 15-year-old quarter horse.

"Sissy came with five goats and five sheep -- and they take care of her," said Feldstein, the force behind Deer Haven Ranch, a private rescue facility she runs with her husband, Al, on 300 acres north of Yellowstone National Park.

The seeing-eye sheep and guard goats are never far from the white mare, and they never lead her astray. They shepherd Sissy to food and water, and angle the horse into her stall amid blowing snows or driving rains.

"They round her up at feeding time and then move aside to make sure she gets to the hay," Feldstein said. "They show her where the water is and stand between her and the fence to let her know the fence is there."

Oh bless….

Dahn Unda

Twenty-year-old Grace Nash and her 22-year-old boyfriend Bruce Crawford, of Geauga County, northern Ohio, found themselves up to their ankles in trouble for rafting on a swollen river, the Grand River, in an emergency without safety jackets and lying about it afterwards.

A ranger on April 23 observed their raft in the water with river conditions above flood stage and saw they weren't wearing life jackets, the News-Herald reported.

The pair were able to get back on land by themselves, but lied when an official asked whether they were the people who had been in the water.

At least nine departments then arrived to search for missing rafters until 9.30pm - including a US Coast Guard helicopter that was dispatched from Detroit.

The couple pleaded guilty to misdemeanour misconduct during an emergency. Painesville Municipal Court Judge Michael a Cicconetti sentenced the pair to 60 days in jail or to stand in a kiddie’s inflatable pool while wearing life jackets and handing out water safety brochures at a festival in Painesville, 48 kilometres northeast of Cleveland, Ohio.

And their punishment? Standing in a kiddie’s inflatable pool, in life jackets and handing out water safety leaflets.

They got orf lightly if you ask me.

Pippa’s new job

Pippa Middleton has reportedly landed a new job working for her ex-boyfriend.

The 27-year-old has agreed to take the new 'green' job that will see her working at the geothermal energy firm which is run by her ex George Percy.

She was recently spotted enjoying a break away with George, 26, and some friends in Madrid.

A source said to UK newspaper Sunday Mirror: "Pip and George are really close friends so when he needed someone to help out with office stuff, she was the obvious person to ask.

"She's enjoying getting stuck in to something new."

 I bet she is……

Back Dahn Unda

Pissed Parrots have been accused of being drunk and disorderly by residents living in Palmerston, Australia.

The birds are thought to get into their inebriated state by eating a particular plant that makes them exhibit all the tendencies of having overdone it on the sauce.

According to Ark Animal Hospital vet Dr Stephen Cutter, the birds act in a drunken manner and then fall over: ‘It's probably a plant with alcohol, or toxins in a plant making it worse’.

The birds typically start out by making a lot of racket on a Friday night at the Palmerston Markets, followed by more loud drunken behaviour before they eventually fall over.

Sorry about the video-I couldn’t resist…..

And finally:

Back in Blighty

A pensioner who contacted her local council for help with a nest of angry wasps outside her bathroom window was told nothing could be done, because the job required climbing a ladder. Pendle council in Lancashire claimed that using ladders was too dangerous when environmental health staff were required to wear protective clothing and carry poison.

David Whipp, a local councillor, said: “Unfortunately, you do not find wasps nesting on the ground.

“People wearing cumbersome suits managed to land on the Moon. Presumably, we would never have got there if the health and safety brigade had their way.”

Officials stood by the policy yesterday, saying it was safer for staff to apply poison to nests with a pole.

Pendle Council in Lancashire has been stung by criticism that using ladders is too dangerous when environmental health staff are wearing a bee keepers' smock and hood, and carrying poison.

But officials stood by the policy yesterday, saying staff were better off applying the poison with a pole.

The row blew up after a resident was turned down for the service after telling the council the nest about 20ft off the ground - could only be reached by ladder.

Ah-the old Elfandsafety pole excuse…..

That’s it: I’m orf to look for a new species

And today’s thought: I intend to live forever -- so far, so good!

Angus

Happy Coalition Day?: Windy copper knob: Instant justice: The EU big brother: Dangerous haircut: and another YouTube snippet.

‘Tis brightish, warmish dampish and breezyish at the Castle this morn, the garden is growing faster than a Triffid and the kitchen is overflowing with “overheating” computers.

Is it the hot weather you may ask? And the answer is-sortish, what it is in truth is that “users” do not get their laptops/desktops serviced, and when it gets warm they notice that the cooling fan is running all the time and then the poor little machines cut out because of the “heat” and they phone the Castle in panic thinking that their expensive toys have died.

What it really is, is that fluff and pet hairs and detritus gets sucked into the fans and eventually it clogs up and stops which can in the worst scenario fry the processor and motherboard leading to very expensive replacements/repairs.

So, a hint to keyboard bangers-either get your computers serviced each year, or with a small vacuum cleaner on the lowest suck possible place the hose over the inlet/outlet to your fan for several seconds after switching said computer orf and clear the life threatening gunge, or an even better decision is to bring it to the Castle and I will do it for you at a very reasonable cost-well one has to pay for stale bread and gruel.

My second attempt at “sensible” blogging is up over at Orphans of Liberty if you can be bothered.

Today “we” celebrate one whole year of the U-Turn coalition in power.

And to mark the occasion, click on the link above and peruse the list of non targets, non promises and Piss Poor Policies which our revered leaders have managed to miss, introduce, un introduce and cancel.

Who says politics is boring…….

And zooming in on one member of the Coalition sideboard

Allegedly Chief Treasury Secretary Danny Alexander, dubbed Beaker, was apparently unable to contain himself as he waited to do a TV interview.

He loudly broke wind before he was grilled at Millbank Studios, near Parliament, according to ­broadcasting insiders.

The incident is said to have happened last Friday as he tried to explain his party’s poll ­drubbing, with footage expected to surface online.

But a spokesman for Mr ­Alexander said yesterday: “This story is a lot of hot air.”

Let’s hope he didn’t “follow through”…. Then again…..

On the spot money maker

Police will be able to hand out on-the-spot fines for careless driving under a new strategy being launched to make Britain's roads safer.

Motorists, who tailgate, undertake or cut up other drivers could be handed an immediate fine - reportedly up to £100 - rather than being taken to court.

There will be a new crackdown on drug-driving and loopholes which allow people to get off drink-driving charges will be closed, said the Department for Transport (DfT).

Disqualified drivers will be forced to retrain - and possibly have to take another test - before they regain their licence.

And the courts will be encouraged to make more use of their powers to seize vehicles for the most serious offences.

But in a written statement to MPs today, Transport Secretary Philip Hammond will also announce a new approach to drivers who make genuine mistakes on the roads and extra help for those who have just passed their tests and need to keep improving their skills.

A wider range of retraining and education courses will be on offer for low-level offences.

And novice drivers will be able to take additional qualifications to reassure insurers that they are safe behind the wheel, in a bid to reverse the steep upward trend in premiums for less experienced motorists.

Yeah right….that’ll boost the coffers a fair bit, and how much will this Daft Old Fart’s insurance go up in July?

Going on your hols this year?

Millions of holidaymakers will have their personal details tracked on huge databases thanks to the latest EU diktat.

Countries will be expected to record air passengers’ information, including who they travelled with, the price they paid for a ticket, and even any meal requests they made.

EU member states would then be able to trawl their neighbours’ data to check for links to terrorism or other criminality.

Immigration Minister Damian Green admitted the directive would spark concerns about sovereignty, but insisted the databases would help to keep the UK safe.

However, Eurosceptics accused ministers of presiding over a ‘blizzard’ of ‘undemocratic’ opt-ins to controversial EU legislation.

The move follows anger over the Coalition’s decision last year to join the European Investigation Order, which allows member states to instruct British police to carry out spying missions on their behalf.

Under the latest measure – the Passenger Name Record directive – EU member states will be expected to gather all the information travellers provide to airlines when crossing borders.

This will include details held on the person’s passport as well as their payment card number, travel companions, seat number, onward flight itinerary, meal request and price of ticket.

The final form of the directive is still being hammered out, but it is expected every EU country would establish a so-called Passenger Information Unit. Data would be logged by the country a person left and the one in which they landed.

Nice-think I’ll stay in Blighty.

Dahn Unda

Nathan Van Someren, who plays for Victorian side Simpson Tigers, was told to leave the field in the third quarter of their match against Otway Districts at the weekend.

Tigers Co-coach Leigh Walsh told Fairfax Radio the reason given was "because his hair was too dangerous" and might have poked another player in the eye.

"I was just standing there and (the umpire) came across to me and goes, 'I thought I told you that you couldn't come on the ground'," Van Someren told Fairfax.

"I sort of just looked at him like 'what?' and he's like, 'no, I told you that you couldn't come on the ground with that hairstyle, you have to go off'."

Elfandsafety Aussie Rules style.

And finally:

Another YouTube snippet, this time a Kitten with a “dangerous” thing.

That’s it: I’m orf to check the grounds for Kiwis.

And today’s thought: Never trust a man, who when left alone with a tea cosy... Doesn't try it on.-Billy Connolly

Angus

They’re Back!: Charlie-over there: Team Wayne: Dizzy Ducklings: Gun ships up for grabs: Septimus Quartus: and No bumping at Butlins.

Same again at the Castle this morn, sunny, calm and cold, but “they” are threatening oodles of wet stuff from the sky along with a lot of banging and flashing on Saturday.

The kitchen is empty of anything broken or fixed, the Honda is yellow again, the Butler is still on his hols and I am looking forward to a nice quiet weekend.

And: one's inaugural post is up over on Orphans of Liberty under my nom de plume of my nom de plume, see if you can tell which one it is.

The local elections are over, apart from the endless speculation from the media about who won or lost and poor old Cleggie is it seems not a popular bunny-shame.

Up a bit to Oxfordshire

The number of speeding fines issued in Oxfordshire more than doubled in the first month since cameras were turned back on after being off for eight months.

Funding was withdrawn for 72 cameras and 89 mobile sites last August as part of budget cuts but they were reinstated on 1 April.

The numbers of drivers caught in July 2010 was 2,286, while the figure for April 2011 was 5,917.

The figures were obtained by BBC Oxford from Thames Valley Police.

They showed about 200 people a day were being caught speeding in the county since the cameras were turned back on.

Whoops…..

Left a lot

Prince Charles, who is in Washington for a three-day visit, spoke to students at Georgetown University about environmentally friendly farming.

In his speech, the Prince of Wales criticised government subsidies for large-scale agriculture and encouraged more government and business support for organic and environmentally-friendly food production.

The United States spends tens of billions of dollars a year on such subsidies.

At least he isn’t “over here” hugging trees and talking to the plants.

Back in Blighty

The “Team Wayne” Three Peaks climbers picked the wrong mountain, half got injured, and then they got lost.

They started the Three Peaks Challenge by climbing the wrong mountain – and it all went downhill from there.

They climbers scaled the Highland peak of Stob Ban instead of Ben Nevis – more than 5km (3 miles) away – after thinking it looked the same.

Their tale of woe continued when they headed south to the Lake District, where three of the six injured themselves and two more got lost taking on Scafell Pike.

Mercifully, ‘Team Wayne’ decided not to even bother with Mount Snowdon in Wales.

But they still managed to raise £10,000 for a leukaemia charity in memory of their friend Wayne Wilson, who died from the disease in January, aged just 26.

Bless, at least they did it (or didn’t do it) for the right reason.

Another You Tube snippet

A 22-second video of five ducklings transfixed by a spinning yo-yo has become one of the most shared videos on YouTube this week.

After being uploaded at the weekend, the video has already been watched almost 200,000 times and ‘liked’ over 560 times.

There is little in the way of information about the clip apart from the fact it appears to take place in a pet shop and the yo-yo is being spun by a young child.

The most fascinating aspect of the video is the reluctance of the ducklings to take their eyes of the yo-yo at any time – apparently willing to keep spinning their heads round and round until they fall off.

As they yo-yo spins faster and faster, the ducks keep their heads spinning and spinning, much to the amusement of those present.

And yes, I know it isn’t really a yo-yo…..

Right many, many miles

Cash-strapped Ukrainian military leaders are selling off their lethal fleet of helicopter gunships - on an Ebay-style website.

The deadly Russian-built Mil Mi-8 and Mi-171 attack aircraft are armed to the teeth with guided anti-tank missiles, rockets and armour-shredding chainguns.

Punters can spend up to £7.3 million for a hardly used fully loaded model with cheaper, older transport choppers going for a bargain £266,000.

"We can deliver anywhere," says the ad, posted by the Ukraine's defence ministry.

Maybe the U-Turn Coalition could pick up a few bargains.

Dahn Unda

One of the Defence Force's most infamous and mischievous mascots is being retired after almost two decades of loyal, but ill-tempered, service.

Septimus Quartus, a white Shetland pony stationed with Townsville's 1 RAR for the past 18 years, has been leading the battalion on parade and making a name for himself as a troublemaker.

He has been demoted numerous times over the years for various infringements and his tendency to bite.

Executive officer of 1 RAR, Major Simon Moore-Wilton, says Septimus Quartus was a livewire from the moment he joined up.

"It is true that Septimus Quartus has made a few infringements on a few occasions; biting and other transgressions," he said.

"He has been demoted in rank a couple of times now, but he is now a sergeant and quite proud of his three hooks.

"There is a tinge of sadness to see him go."

The pony will be retired to greener pastures during a ceremony in Townsville next week.

But the trying times may be not be over, he will be replaced with his equally bold son Septimus Quintus.

Some people never learn.

And finally:

Butlins bans Bumpers

When Sir Billy Butlin introduced bumper cars to Britain more than 80 years ago, it can be assumed he expected holiday makers to have fun on the fairground ride bumping into each other.

But what Sir Billy did not foresee was the modern culture of health and safety that has not only introduced seat belts and insisted everyone drives in the same direction, but banned bumping.

Staff at all three Butlin resorts in Bognor Regis, Minehead and Skegness are instructed to ban anyone found guilty of bumping into each other in the electric cars equipped with huge bumpers.

Bemused customers who assume that the ‘no bumping sign’ is in jest are told to drive around slowly in circles rather than crash into anyone else for fear of an injury that could result in the resort being sued.

Butlins confirmed that people are not allowed to bump the bumper cars for “health and safety reasons”.

In fact the resorts insist on calling the experience Dodgems rather than bumper cars.

What next-airbags, crash helmets and roll over cages?

That’s it: I’m orf to track a Hedgehog.

And today’s thought: What do gardeners do after they retire?

Angus

Up MP’s expenses: Taking the piss in the EU: Electric gonads: MG-42 in the post: Hazardous children: Insurance rip-off: and Artificial clouds.

Bright, sunny and warm-ish at the Castle this morn, the kitchen is filling up with non-computers which are apparently “only asleep”, the garden has gone berserk and things are growing at a rate of knots and the butler is out feeding the excess fat teenagers to the crocs in the moat.

Over in the land of the mushroom shaped rising sun

Engineers have managed to rig power cables to all six reactors at the Fukushima complex, and restarted a water pump that will help reverse the overheating that triggered the world's worst nuclear crisis in 25 years.

Better late than never…..

And in Gadaffi land

It seems that NATO has agreed to take command of enforcing the no-fly zone over Libya from the US.

But Secretary General Anders Fogh Rasmussen made clear that other aspects of the operation would remain in the hands of the current coalition for now.

Nice to get an agreement on who kills who…..

Meanwhile, back in “we are all in this together” Blighty

More MPs will be able to claim extra expenses for children and accommodation under relaxed rules launched today.

Changes to the scheme, introduced last year, follow MPs' complaints that it was too bureaucratic and "anti-family".

An extra 31 "commuter belt" MPs will be able to claim for hotels or rent, and those with children up to 18 will be able to claim extra for travel.

It could add "a few million" to the bill but expenses boss Sir Ian Kennedy said £18m had been saved already.

Sir Ian, chairman of the Independent Parliamentary Standards Authority (Ipsa), also said the new system had also come in £30m under its projected budget and had "put an end to the expenses scandal that shocked us so much in 2009".

It means an extra 31 MPs, representing seats in Guildford, Milton Keynes, among others, will be able to request the allowance - up to a maximum of £19,900 a year for those claiming London rent.

Currently MPs with children up to the age of five can claim an extra £2,425 per child for accommodation - and could claim for up to 30 journeys they make between London and the constituency.

Under the revised scheme, they will be able to make the same claims for children aged up to 16 - or 18 if they are in full time education - and for journeys by spouses or partners accompanying the child.

MPs' staffing budget will increase from a maximum of £109,548 to £115,000.

Yeah right……hands up all those whose employer pays to take your kids to London…..

And across to the money pit in Brussels 

A disgraced former Tory MEP faces criminal charges unless he pays back over £345,000 in "misused" staffing expenses paid to a family company in a European Union case that has dwarfed similar Westminster scandals.

Den Dover was the Conservative European whip until a scandal over his use of expenses emerged from an investigation in The Daily Telegraph three years ago.

He was expelled from the Tories in Nov 2008 after the European Parliament attempted to recover money that should have funded staff salaries but instead had been put towards family expenses.

Mr Dover, 72, stepped down as an MEP in May 2009 and remains entitled to two publicly funded pensions worth over £35,000 a year for a decade of service in the EU assembly.

After refusing to pay back the money and a two year legal battle, EU judges on Thursday ruled that the European Parliament was right to act over Mr Dover's "significant and serious misuse" of expenses.

The former North West Conservative MEP now faces an investigation by Olaf, the EU's anti-fraud agency and calls for him to be arrested by British police.

When is the referendum on Blighty and the EU?

Across the salty wet thing to the left

According to a new lawsuit filed by an officer in the tiny U.S.-Mexican border town of Nogales, Arizona, on Feb. 8, 2010, Sgt. Sergio Bon allegedly pushed a clipboard at Pedro Molera. When Molera placed the clipboard on Bon's desk, Bon allegedly unholstered his Taser and pointed it at Molera.

According to a report in the Arizona Daily Star, Molera responded "Are you going to use it? Go ahead." At that point, Bon is said to have placed the Taser on Molera's penis, over top of his clothes, and squeezed the trigger for up to two seconds.

Molera said that there was excessive redness following the electric shock and went home in emotional distress.

Bon, an 18-year-veteran, has resigned as a result of the allegations. Molera is seeking unspecified damages from Bon and the police department for a lack of training of superior officers and for failing to take appropriate training and supervision measures.

Jeffrey Kirkham, the town's chief of police, told the Arizona Daily Star that Bon likely would have been fired had he not resigned.

Be careful what you ask for……

East a lot to Vilnius

Lithuanian customs and postal officials say they have found a fully functional machine gun dating from World War II, complete with ammunition, in a package at Vilnius International Airport.

Officials said Tuesday that the German-made MG-42 machine gun was found after scanning a suspicious 20-kg package posted in Lithuania and bound for Germany. Customs spokeswoman Asta Mikeleviciute says it was the first time that authorities had ever uncovered such a parcel and an investigation has been launched.

No evacuation of the capital's airport was ordered, but authorities were placed on alert. More than 65 years after the war, Lithuania and other East European countries continue to uncover large amounts of weaponry and unexploded ordnance.

And I thought I was a bit of a hoarder.

Dahn Unda

An Australian town has declared war on sidewalk chalk. At first, the town's council called it a violation of municipal graffiti laws, but then declared the children who use the chalk are safety hazards.

In what some residents are calling a bureaucracy gone mad, children in Whitehorse, Australia, are being told to put down the sidewalk chalk.

"The children burst into tears when we told them," one cafe owner told the Daily Herald newspaper. "A council inspector visited us and said there had been a complaint and we had to stop."

The council says sidewalk chalk is a violation of the state graffiti laws.

The other option, according to local officials, would be to issue a permit that would allow the students to play with sidewalk chalk.

But that's apparently out of the question, too.

"The mayor told us they would like to issue us a permit but can't because it raises health and safety issues, in case somebody fell over a child on the footpath or into the street," the cafe owner said.

Anger in the town is now mounting and more than 200 people have signed a petition to let the children play with sidewalk chalk.

Chalky Elfandsafety Jobsworths.

Back in the land of expenses and the expensive

Teenager Jake Redshaw thought he’d pay a bit over the odds to get his second-hand motor insured fully comp.

But his hopes of getting mobile came to a screeching halt when he was quoted nearly £33,000 to cover his £3,000 pride and joy.

Jake, 17, bought a six-year-old Vauxhall Corsa after passing his test this month and expected to have to pay a couple of thousand pounds.

But he was stunned when the AA quoted him £32,819 on price comparison site Confused.com.

The second most expensive was £21,000, while the cheapest fully-comprehensive quote was almost £6,000 – twice the car’s value. Jake, of Eccles, Greater Manchester, said: “It’s not as if I was trying to insure a high-powered sports car. I was gob smacked. I thought passing my test would be the hardest part about getting my own wheels.

The AA said premiums rose by 33% last year, the biggest leap ever, and by 58% for young drivers.

An AA spokesman apologised and said: “The quote is clearly ridiculous and should not have happened.”
He added: “Some insurers quote very high premiums because they don’t want the business.”

So know we know, they make it up as they go along.

And finally:

Right thousands of non metric units to the land of the 2022 World Cup

Scientists at Qatar University claim to have developed artificial clouds to provide shade for stadia and training grounds at the 2022 World Cup.

The fierce summer heat in the Gulf has led to concerns about conditions for players and fans at the tournament.

Temperatures in June and July can reach up to 50C.

Qatar were announced as hosts in December, and Fifa president Sepp Blatter initially said he expected the 2022 competition to be moved to winter.

But Blatter has since stated that he feels the tournament will go ahead as planned in the summer months.

Qatar plan to air condition their World Cup stadia via solar power and now scientists have designed the 'clouds', which can be produced at a cost of $500,000 (about £310,000) each.

Saud Abdul Ghani, head of the mechanical and industrial engineering department at the university, said the 'clouds' are made from a lightweight carbon structure, and carry a giant envelope of material containing helium gas.

Spiffing idea, cheap at half the price.

That’s it: I’m orf to smell some quantum physics.

And today’s thought: Lead me not into temptation . . . I can find my own way there.

Angus

Piss Poor Policies Dave C and Japan: Disabled don’t “benefit” from cuts: Wichita Numpty: Frog’s Porn: 3ft of Elfandsafety: Piss Poor eggs: and Foot loose.

A touch of warm-ish stuff at the Castle this morn, the kitchen is empty of all types of electronic machines, the garden is starting to blossom-the Forsythia is in flower, the Daffs are out, the Flowering Cherry is in bloom, the Roses are sprouting and the moss lawn is-mossy.

And I spend a while yestermorn filling out my census form (under threat of legal action if I don’t), there didn’t seem to be “mind your own fucking business” section so I added one to the end.

I see that far from “keeping Blighty’s sovereignty” Piss Poor Policies Dave C is over in Brussels plotting to reach a pact to co-ordinate economic policies.

In a message on Twitter, EU President Herman Van Rompuy had initially said: "We have an agreement on the Pact for Euro."

The message was later amended to: "Update from ongoing meeting: Agreement in principle on the Pact for the Euro, but still discussing the other elements of the package."

A pact would give members a say over each other's major economic policies - a move aimed at keeping countries under firm fiscal discipline.

The EU's Stability and Growth Pact also sets a debt limit of 60% of GDP.

The draft also includes proposals for lower labour taxes, a common corporate tax base and indexing retirement age to life expectancy.

Funny that: I don’t remember voting in Europe to run our country, then again no one voted in the bunch of twats we have now.

And staying with PPP Dave C

The Prime Pillock Minister has stated the obvious and deemed the Japanese earthquake a "terrible reminder of the destructive power of nature".

Speaking in Brussels (whilst plotting to hand over our treasury to the EU, under the excuse of “discussing the crisis in Libya), he added: "Everyone should be thinking of the country and its people and I have asked immediately that our Government look at what we can do to help." 

Going on recent form for PPP Dave’s “help” he will probably want to invade.

And the Piss Poor Policies Coalition is going to “help” the disabled

 

By cutting 450,000 disabled peoples’ income under one of the changes planned to housing benefit.

From April 2013, housing benefit for working age people in social rented homes will be linked to the size of property councils believe they need.

Ministers say they want housing benefit claimants to choose to rent properties they can afford when in work.

An assessment from the Department for Work and Pensions shows the change will leave 450,000 disabled people an average of £13 a week worse off.

Ministers want to “encourage” housing benefit claimants to move out of council and housing association properties that are too big for their needs, and to make savings in a housing benefit bill that has almost doubled to £21.5bn in a decade.

Ah…..the caring, sharing “we are all in this together” millionaires club produces yet another Piss Poor Policy.

Across the big, salty thing to the left

 

A man is in custody after police say he broke into an Arizona town home and got stuck in a clothes hamper underneath the window he climbed through.

Mesa police say 20-year-old Michael Trias was arrested on suspicion of burglary and criminal damage.

The East Valley Tribune reports a resident inside the home heard the commotion of Trias becoming entangled in the hamper at about 9 a.m. Thursday.

The owner of the home restrained Trias and was able to take him outside and call police.

Authorities say no property was taken from the home, but there was some damage done to the window.

Bit of a “hampered” burglar then……



Back in Blighty

 

A Magistrate has narrowly avoided jail after being caught with a collection of extreme pornography — including images of women having sex with a gerbil and a Frog.

Michael Hall, 46 — who is also a school governor and worked on a council panel to protect children — downloaded the disgusting images on to his laptop computer.

When police raided his home they found 230 photos and 150 videos showing women engaging in sex acts with horses, a donkey, dogs, a gerbil, a frog and a live snake.

Police acted on a tip-off after learning the magistrate, from Rotherham, South York’s, had an account on a file-sharing website which was raising concerns.

They found the “Frog’s porn” stash when they raided his home in Swinton, Rotherham, last September.

Hall admitted 21 specimen charges of possessing hard-core pornography when he appeared before Leeds magistrates.

He was sentenced to a three-year community order which requires him to spend 144 days completing a programme for sex offenders.

He was also ordered to pay £85 towards court costs and he will be supervised by the probation service for three years.

Hall became a magistrate in 2007 and served until October last year when he fell foul of the law.

That reminds me, I must clear my search history on IE.

South a bit to Gosport

 

More than a dozen emergency workers refused to pull a man from a waist-deep boating lake because of ‘health and safety’ fears.

For half-an-hour charity shop worker Simon Burgess, 41, was left face down in the shallow water as they waited for a specialist rescue crew.

Mr Burgess, who had gone to the lake to feed the swans, was pronounced dead at the scene but friends claim that if rescuers had waded straight into the water he could have been saved.

The crews of two fire engines, two police cars, two ambulances and an air ambulance were told not to enter the lake, which is no more than three feet (one metre) at its deepest point, in case they ‘compromised their safety’.

The water rescue crew finally arrived – 26 minutes after Mr Burgess was seen falling in – and the ‘specialists’ removed him using nothing more technical than waterproof clothing and buoyant jackets.

Mr Burgess, who suffered blackouts following brain surgery, was a former sailing instructor and IT consultant.

Friends and family reacted with fury yesterday when they discovered that firemen, paramedics and police first on the scene did not wade in to help.

Mr Burgess’s body was about 25 yards from the water’s edge when emergency services arrived.

Hampshire Fire and Rescue decided there was ‘no obvious sign of life’ when they arrived at Walpole Park Lake, in Gosport, Hampshire, on Thursday lunchtime.

They must have bleedin good eyesight to see that at 75 feet, nice to know that the “emergency” services can’t cope with three feet of water…..

Many, many miles to the East

 

Traditional chefs in China are hoping their local speciality - spring eggs hardboiled in boys' urine - will catch on worldwide.

The dish has been a local delicacy in Dongyang, Zhejiang province, eastern China, for thousands of years.

Now culture officials want to spread the gospel about the recipe which they hope to export to other countries.

"The urine is gathered from local schools and the very best comes from boys under 10 years old. They pee in buckets and we collect it fresh every day," explained chef Lu Ming.

Then the eggs - which have official cultural significance status - are boiled in the urine, first with their shells on and then with them off for a day and a night before they're ready to be eaten.

"The eggs are delicious and healthy. They stop fevers and can help you concentrate if you're feeling sluggish or sleepy," said Ming.

"We are having a big export push because we want people outside China to fully appreciate the delicacy of our cuisine."

Yeah right……..

And finally:

 

Back across to the land of the body mass index challenged



 A former Florida paramedic who snatched a man's severed foot from the scene of a car crash is being sued by the victim.

Cynthia Economou -- a former St. Lucie County Fire District fire fighter and paramedic -- admitted that she took Karl Lambert's mangled foot in hopes of using the limb to help train her cadaver-sniffing dog after a wreck on I-95 on Sept. 19, 2008.

She pleaded no contest to petty theft charges and was sentenced to six months' probation. But now Lambert is taking her to court in a civil case, seeking unspecified damages, according to TCPalm.com.

In court documents filed last week, Lambert's attorney, Jack L. Platt, declared Economou's behaviour was "outrageous and went beyond the bounds of decency," as well as "odious and utterly intolerable in a civilized society."

During sentencing in 2009, Economou said she only took the mangled appendage for her dog because she didn't think it could be reattached to the victim.

"It was an unrecognisable mass of flesh," she said. "It wasn't a clean cut. You couldn't even recognize it as a foot. ... If I had thought it was somehow re-attachable and usable, I would have gone to my commander."

One way to lose weight…….

That’s it: I’m orf to charge up my Batty robotic Moth.

And today’s thought: Forbidden fruits create many jams.

Angus