R.I.P. Cleggie: Robot cars: Another Piss Poor Policy: Worn out already: Dead end Bank: Poster penalty: Ghost owl: and The Trillionaire Dutch drivers.

Not sure about the meteorology at the Castle this morn, dull, damp, windy and a tad less than clement.

The study if half full of defunct adding machines, and “they” have finally replaced the bollards-until the next Numpty knocks them over.

 According to Mrs Clegg

Her what’s his name hubby is “killing himself” trying to balance his work and home life, The Deputy Prime Minister’s wife, Miriam Gonzalez Durantez, has painted a chaotic picture of life at home.

She said her husband typically attends a number of early-morning meetings in central London before returning to the family home in south-west London for the school run.

Oh dear what a shame-two points-he put himself up for election and he is being paid.

Over in Nevada

The governor has approved a bill that requires the state’s department of transport to enact regulations that would allow autonomous vehicles to operate on public roads.

The Bill eliminates the requirement in the state for a qualified driver, which first became mandatory in the US when New Jersey introduced practical and written exams in 1913, in just three clauses:

1. The Department shall adopt regulations authorizing the operation of autonomous vehicles on highways within the State of Nevada.

2. The regulations required to be adopted by subsection 1 must:

(a) Set forth requirements that an autonomous vehicle must meet before it may be operated on a highway within this State;
(b) Set forth requirements for the insurance that is required to test or operate an autonomous vehicle on a highway within this State;
(c) Establish minimum safety standards for autonomous vehicles and their operation;
(d) Provide for the testing of autonomous vehicles;
(e) Restrict the testing of autonomous vehicles to specified geographic areas; and
(f) Set forth such other requirements as the Department determines to be necessary.

Shan’t be going there then......

 Back in Blighty

U-Turn Cam was accused yesterday of "smuggling out" plans to break apart public services as he pressed ahead with moves to open them up to private competitors.

However, the Open Public Services White Paper has been watered down from Mr Cameron's original vision, stopping short of specific legislation to enforce competition.

Instead it floats proposals to enshrine in law a "general right to choose" in such areas as education, health, housing and services provided by local authorities.

Mr Cameron said: "It's about ending the old big government, top-down way of running public services and bringing in a Big Society approach... putting power in people's hands."

Oh no it isn’t: It’s about saving money...

And Wills and Kate are worn out

They are to cut down on their royal duties, the Duck and Duckess will make an appearance at the wedding of Zara Phillips and Mike Tindall in Edinburgh on 30 July.

There will be one or two routine public engagements a month through to the end of the year, with the most high-profile of these expected to be the royal gathering at the Cenotaph on Remembrance Sunday in November.

But the couple are said to want to spend time together as husband and wife in the run-up to Christmas and settle down in their north Wales home, near to where William is based at RAF Valley on Anglesey.

At some stage during 2012, William is due to be posted to the Falklands with the RAF Search and Rescue force for two months while Kate remains at home.

It’s a tough life-for some.

 Back over to the warm bit of the very ex colonies

A Florida woman is suing her bank for ruining her credit rating after it became convinced she was dead, the Orlando Sentinel reported yesterday.

Wrenella Pierre, from Oviedo, about 27km northeast of Orlando, insists she is not dead - despite Chase Bank USA sending her family a letter of condolence in November.

She has launched court action in Sanford claiming the bank has stymied her attempts to refinance her mortgage and ruined her credit rating.

"I don't know why the bank made this type of disastrous mistake," said her attorney William Peerce Howard. "There is no possible way to have credit extended when you're deceased."

A spokeswoman for JPMorgan Chase Bank, Nancy Norris, would not discuss details of the case, citing the suit. 

Ah, the old dead account holder ploy...

 Back in the land of the Unemployed and the home of Numpty Coalitions

A desperate jobseeker has been fined £75 – for using his initiative to find work.

Fed up after being rejected for 300 jobs in a year, Daniel Bird, 20, put up 200 posters around his home town asking employers to give him a chance.

Within a week, his luck changed and he was offered a job at Mecca Bingo – with his new employer praising his innovative attitude.

Sadly Hull City Council bosses were less impressed with Daniel’s job seeking efforts, hitting him with a £75 fine under the Antisocial Behaviour Act, the Criminal Damage Act and the Highways Act.

And he’s got only two weeks to pay or face possible legal action.

Good thing he has a job then...

The Owl in pane

Sally Arnold was shocked to return to her property in Kendall, Cumbria, to find the ghostly imprint of an owl on her bedroom window.

The silhouette, left by the powder down that protects growing feathers, shows the bird of prey's feathers and facial features clearly, leading Ms Arnold to think that it had been a heavy impact.

Experts from the Royal Society for the Protection of Birds (RSPB) suggested that the imprint was that of a tawny owl, based on its size and the fact that they are the kind most commonly found in gardens.

The RSPB recommends homeowners fix items to the outside of windows, such as a sun catcher, in order to help birds notice the presence of a glass pane.

Bet that hurt.....

 And finally: 

According to “experts”

Almost two trillion insects are killed by being splattered on Dutch cars every year, new research has found.

Arnold van Vliet, a Dutch biologist at the University of Wageningen, last month enlisted the help of motorists in helping him track the numbers and behaviour insects.

"There is great concern that the number of insects is decreasing," he said. "The collisions between cars and insects may be unexpectedly interesting for biologists."

The researchers asked Dutch drivers to clean their front number plate, to go for a drive and then to count the number of squashed insects for recording on a website, named Splashteller.

Over the last six weeks, an analysis of information from 250 drivers was used to plot the total number of bugs killed by over seven million Dutch cars driving an estimated distance of 124.5 billion miles every year.

"On just the plates 3.3 billion bugs are killed. The front of the car is at least forty times as large as the surface of the plate. So over a month the cars hit 133 billion insects. In a half year that is 800 billion insects," said the Dutch biologist.

Using the same statistics, British drivers, with 31 million cars, inadvertently kill up to seven trillion insects while travelling every year.

Not any more, the price of go juice has seen to that.



That’s it: I’m orf to fill up the Honda with some Roman algae


And today’s thought: Stupidity got us into this mess. Why can't it get us out?

 Angus

Brats’ borstal: FIRE!-too late....: Pachyderm get away: Forkin’ cop car: Making a point: and stopping time.

Wondrous start to the light thing at the Castle this morn, sunny, warm, calm, I’m waiting for the other shoe to drop.

I am expecting a skip load of broken what-knots, his Maj is in the garden and I have just returned from my stale bread, gruel and pussy food run from Tesco-still a shambles.

 

I see that Parents are being warned against buying potentially dangerous "bling" baby dummies decorated with beads and gems.

Trading standards officials say the colourful dummies, which are being sold online, present a choking hazard to a baby or small child. 

No shit.

And Britons are rejecting traditional pet names in favour of those normally given to children.

Poppy was the most popular name for both cats and dogs, according to a study of 36,000 pets. Molly, Charlie and Bella also appear in a Top 10 list. 

Guilty....

 Allegedly according to new guidance published today

Staff in England should use “reasonable” measures to remove disruptive children from classrooms, break-up fights and stop pupils attacking other teachers or classmates.

Teachers are being told to use force to physically control unruly pupils under a back-to-basics crackdown on bad behaviour in schools.

According to figures, major assaults on staff reached a five-year high in 2010, with 44 being rushed to hospital with serious injuries.

Almost 1,000 children are suspended from school for abuse and assault every day and two-thirds of teachers admit bad behaviour is driving professionals out of the classroom.

Under the rules, schools are told to:

• Consider calling in police to prosecute pupils who make serious false allegations against staff;

• Resolve the vast majority of accusations made by pupils within a month and ensures unfounded claims are not included in teachers’ records;

• Punish pupils for misbehaviour and bullying committed outside schools, including at evenings and weekends;

• Search pupils’ clothing, bags and lockers for drugs, alcohol, weapons and stolen goods without their consent;

• Consider forcing all pupils to undergo airport-style screening checks as they enter school even if they are not suspected of carrying weapons;

• Require all parents to sign “home school agreements” and apply to the courts for £50 spot fines or parenting orders if sons or daughters regularly misbehave or skip classes.

 Ah; those halcyon days of the slipper, ruler and cane......

And:

More than 1,000 fire fighters’ jobs have been axed under the Government's "savage" spending cuts, with fresh losses in the pipeline, the service's main trade union says today.

One in 10 jobs could go in the next three years, the Fire Brigades Union (FBU) said. More than 1,000 jobs were lost in the year to April, with hardest-hit areas including Scotland, the South-west, Yorkshire and the West Midlands, it said.

The FBU gave warning that the fire service would reach "breaking point" dealing with widespread incidents such as flooding. Its general secretary, Matt Wrack, said: "Fewer fire crews’ means it will take longer for the fire engine to arrive in response to a 999 call. There will be ever-increasing risk to life, homes and businesses... as the cuts bite harder year after year."  

Ah: those halcyon days of burned out building, cats stuck up trees and flooded houses.

 East to the land of oodles of people and massive aid packages

Indian elephants from a Hindu temple in Kerala are to be sent on month-long holiday package complete with massages and bath oils as they recover from their arduous labour.

The herd of 64 elephants from the Sree Krishna will be fed large quantities of food - enough for them to put on 700-800 pounds - and pampered.

Their 'spa' daily diet includes special rice, horse gram and turmeric in addition to a mix of multi-vitamins, tonics and mineral and liver extracts, all monitored by experts.

The entire elephant 'holiday' package costs the temple authorities over Rs 900,000 (£12,500) but additional funds were available should they be required for the highly revered animals.

Wonder if they have room for a Dei?

 

Left to the land where Wills and Kate aren’t anymore

A Canadian man was charged with assault after he allegedly shoved a sheriff's car off his property with a forklift, police said.

The Royal Canadian Mounted Police said Wilfred Doyle, 45, of St. Andrews was charged with mischief and obstructing a police officer, as well as assault with a deadly weapon, after the run-in at his home last week.

The Mounties told the Canadian Broadcasting Corp. the law enforcement officer went to Doyle's place on Prince Edward Island to serve him a court order. Doyle turned the routine process into a confrontation when he fired up his tractor, which was equipped with a forklift, and pushed the car out of his yard.

Doyle was released after spending a night in jail.

They should have gone by Horseback.

 Still in the colony

A woman who was part of a female trio that used high heels to attack a city man at a church over a christening snub has been given a conditional discharge.

Gisele Kanganza Musau, 32, was placed on probation for 12 months Friday after pleading guilty to assault.

Court heard the dust-up at the Fellowship Baptist Church on April 4, 2010, was the fallout from Kanganza Musau's sister not being chosen as the godmother of a child being christened as the result of rumours being spread about her working as a prostitute.

The truth hurts, well stiletto’s do.

And finally: 

Dahn Unda and Dahn a bit more

A move to stop Launceston's town clock chiming at night is receiving support from nearby businesses.

Alderman Ivan Deal will present a motion at today's council meeting, calling for a review to examine whether the chiming should be stopped between 11:00pm and 6:00am.

Rob Matson from Quest Apartments says they have had to sound-proof some of the rooms.

"We believe guests should be entitled to have a good night's sleep free from having bells wake them up all night, you can hear it quite clearly through most of the city in the small hours of the night," he said.

In a letter to Council the president of the Heritage Protection Society of Tasmania, Lionel Morell, says Launceston citizens do not want the clock silenced at night, and asked the Council not to waste anymore resources on the matter. 

Ding Dong merrily on high?

 That’s it: I’m orf to protect some Tuna 

And today’s thought: VENI, VEDI, VISA - I came, I saw, I shopped.

 Angus

Tired of living-can’t afford to die: Up your Gas: Germany Invaded by Columbia: Criminal Veg: French Tweets: Monkey medics: and a bit more of Pippa.

‘Orrible at the Castle this morn, damp, cold, and breezy, yesterday turned out ‘Orrible as well until 6 of the pm, the bollards are still missing and his Maj has discovered a new way to come and go.

Apparently the C of E is planning to increase the cost of funerals by nearly 50 per cent to bring consistent pricing across its parishes and raise extra revenue at a time of continued economic hardship.

In a proposal set to be discussed today at the church's General Synod in York, the price of a funeral will rise from £102 to £150 while weddings will go up from £284 to £425.

Church leaders stress that the move is an attempt to streamline the way churches charge for their services by bringing in a standard fee in response complaints that parishes often had different pricing lists. But many will feel hit hard by the price increases which have been replicated elsewhere.

Last year, a survey by the National Association of Funeral Directors found that, across the country, charges by local authorities for cremation and burial had risen by up to 48 per cent since 2007. The fees charged by funeral directors for a typical funeral reached an average of £1,515, up 3.25 per cent since 2007.

I wish; it cost me over £3,000 back in 2005 for “M”s do.

And that gracious, caring company British Gas has decided to hike the cost of gas by 18pc next month, some customers face a 24 per cent rise in their gas costs, depending on where they live and how they are charged. An additional 16 per cent average rise in electricity bills will add £190 to the typical yearly dual fuel bill.

British Gas warned customers there may be little point in attempting to change supplier as the move looks set to be repeated throughout the industry, due to wholesale prices having risen by almost a third since the winter.

This latest rise, which comes on top of a 7 per cent increase in December, was announced only two days after a study by uSwitch.com showed that 6.3 million households in the UK are classed as being in fuel poverty, for spending at least 10 per cent of their income on energy bills.

Consumer Focus condemned the rise, saying that consumer bills were now at a historical high despite wholesale prices still being a third lower than the peak they hit in 2008.  

So who is telling porkies?

 Right a smidge to the land of leather trousers and invasions

Experts in the western German town of Bexbach are still searching a supermarket for a spider that jumped out of a Colombian fruit crate on Friday. The eight-legged escape artist is thought to be a highly venomous banana spider.

A spokesman for the grocery store told German news agency DAPD that the supermarket remained closed to ensure customer safety.

He said experts were "frantically" working to track down the creature, though there had still been no trace of it.

Staff from the zoo in Neunkirchen are at the scene, and zoo director Norbert Fritsch said the risk is not to be underestimated if the arachnid in question was, indeed, a banana spider.

He said the spider's bites can be life-threatening, even for a healthy adult. Banana spiders can grow to be 13 centimetres in size. The term refers to two genera of spiders, one of which is large but relatively harmless, and another highly venomous species.

 Still, you could use a rolled up copy of the defunct NOTW for defence if you go shopping there.

 Over to the very ex-colonies

After a warning, a ticket and now a misdemeanour charge, an Oak Park, Mich., woman faces up to 93 days in jail for refusing to remove a vegetable crop from her front lawn.

Julie Bass says that she thought it would be "really cool" for the neighbours and kids to see a front yard garden, but some community members don't appreciate the vegetable plot.

According to a local ABC affiliate, city code states that "all unpaved portions of the site shall be planted with grass or ground cover or shrubbery or other suitable live plant material."

Posing the question: Are cabbages, peppers, tomatoes and cucumbers "suitable" for the front lawn?

"If you look at the definition of what suitable is in Webster's dictionary, it will say common. So, if you look around and you look in any other community, what's common to a front yard is a nice, grass yard with beautiful trees and bushes and flowers," Oak Park City Planner Kevin Rulkowski told MyFoxDetroit.

Nevertheless, Bass has refused to comply with the city's requests to remove the plants or place them in her backyard.

"It's definitely live. It's definitely plant. It's definitely material. We think it's suitable," Bass said.

Surprised they recognised them as vegetables..........(Clarkson would be proud of me).

 

Across to the bottom bit of Carolina

A University of South Carolina professor who encourages her students to use Twitter in French class will be getting honorary knighthood from the French government.

University spokeswoman Peggy Binette says associate professor Lara Anderson has been awarded the Order of Academic Palms for advancing the French language.

The honour was established by Napoleon Bonaparte. Binette says the award and medallion will be presented by the French consul this fall.

Anderson is the author of a book about using social networking and online study to advance foreign language instruction and has promoted new technologies for foreign language teaching techniques.

Anderson says the use of Twitter in the classroom allows students to develop conversation skills and build a sense of communal language learning in and out of the classroom.  

Yeah right, and it saves all that teaching rubbish...

 Right a huge amount of imperial units

Patients at an Indian hospital have been receiving some surprise visitors after monkeys learned how to operate its automatic doors.

Local rhesus macaque monkeys soon worked out how to use the motion-censor doors and have since been running amok in the wards, kitchens and corridors.

They have terrorised patients in the neurosurgery department and recovery rooms, stealing food, playing with medical equipment, attacking staff and generally causing chaos.

With an average of one monkey bite case in the hospital every week, authorities have taken steps to scare off the macaques.

They have hired two larger monkeys - grey langurs – to chase them away.

 Sounds like the “security” at my local butchers shop.

 And finally:

Just to wind up James

Pippa Middleton, the Duchess of Cambridge’s sports-loving sister, has joined her local golf club in Berkshire.

In recent weeks, she has been photographed running in a triathlon, taking part in the Highland Cross Challenge and cheering Andy Murray to victory in the quarter finals at Wimbledon. Now, the Duchess of Cambridge’s sister is to add another sport to her CV: golf.

Pippa, 27, who is courting the former England cricketer Alex Loudon, has joined the golf club at Bradfield College, a boarding school a few miles away from the Middleton family’s home in Berkshire.

“It’s the talk of the club,” gushes one member, somewhat breathlessly. A member of staff at Bradfield College Golf Club confirms that the Middletons have been spotted on the greens. However, Nick Barton, the club secretary, declines to celebrate his glamorous recruit.

 Is that a hole in one?

That’s it: I’m orf to decode a Potato

And today’s thought: Does killing time damage eternity? 

Angus

Ghost car: The Gorilla and the Banana: Aggressive Goats: Stripping the strippers: Red light nag: and Bad driver proves his worth.

‘Tis clement at the Castle this morn, sunny, warmish, calm and dry, after all the sky water the garden needs fettling again, his Maj is asleep, the study is clear of all broken things and I have picked the last of the strawberries.

My connection to the rest of the world keeps dropping out-hence the late post. I blame BT because they have buried all the phone lines underground and every time it rains my WWW goes doolally.

I see that what’s his name and U-Turn Cam are at odds over the Eurozone thingy. What’s his name wants to throw our money at failing Euro countries, whilst U-Turn Cam wants to wait and see. 

And then throw our money at failing Euro countries.......

And Ex president Bill Clinton is the latest politician to condemn the coalition's austerity drive.

His comments to a university conference reinforce shadow Chancellor Ed Balls' claim that rapid spending cuts risk harming the economy recovery.

"If you do things that dampen economic growth, and the UK is finding this out now, they adopted this big austerity budget, there's a good chance that economic activity will go down so much that tax revenues will be reduced even more than spending is cut, and their deficit will increase," he said.

Thanks for that Bill...have a cigar......

 Over the salty thing on the left

America's first transparent car – billed as a vision of the future more than 60 years ago – is expected to fetch up to £300,000 at auction.

The 1939 Pontiac Deluxe Six was built using a special type of Perspex by General Motors and chemical company Rohm and Haas at a cost of £15,000.

Dubbed the ‘Ghost Car’ it has clocked up just 140km (86 miles) in its lifetime and is thought to be a visionary in design principles.

‘This motor still turns heads as much as it ever did,’ said a spokesman for RM Auctions which is selling the vehicle in Michigan on July 30.

'The car is in a remarkable state of preservation. It's a testament to the longevity of Plexiglas in an era when automotive plastics tended to self-destruct within a few years.

'Although it has acquired a few chips and cracks, it is structurally sound and cosmetically clear, showing off the Ghost Car's innards as it did in 1939.

'It is not, obviously, suited for touring but as a unique artefact from automotive and cultural history.'

 The car made its public debut at the New York World Fair in 1939-40 and is just one of two ever made. The model which comes with a three-speed manual gearbox is thought to be the last of its kind.

 Useful motor-that’ll stop all that Dogging thing.....

Still in the land of the unemployed and the home of the mascot

The manager of a cell phone store in Ohio called 911 to report a gorilla had been attacked by a banana.

The Wireless Center in Strongsville, near Cleveland, advertises at curbside with a man in a gorilla suit. Manager Brandon Parham says he was watching last week as a kid dressed as a banana emerged from some bushes and took a flying leap at the store mascot.

Parham says the attacker looked like a Spartan from the movie "300" except he was a banana.

The gorilla was knocked down but got back up, adjusted his head and went back to work.

A Spartan banana: must be the austerity drive.

Still in the wilderness

Olympic National Park in Washington State is urging hikers not to urinate along backcountry trails to avoid attracting mountain goats who lick urine deposits for salt.

The advice is part of a plan to avoid aggressive goats like the one that gored a Port Angeles, Wash., man to death in October.

The Peninsula Daily News reports the popular park also may close trails where goats follow people or enter camp sites.

Backcountry campers are advised to urinate 200 feet away from trails to prevent the trails from turning into "long, linier salt licks." 

They should give the same advice to the London 2012 visitors.

 Down a fair bit

The city of Daytona Beach Shores will pay a $195,000 settlement to four strippers who were illegally strip-searched.

The federal lawsuit arose from a September 2009 raid on Biggins Gentlemen's Club, the Florida bar where the women worked, reports the Orlando Sentinel newspaper.

Undercover cops who were investigating the club obtained an "all-persons search warrant" and used it to search everyone on the premises, including four dancers and two female bartenders. The lawyer representing the six employees, Brett Hartley, told the Sentinel the women were strip-searched in front of 20 male officers.

That violates state law that stipulates strip searches must be conducted (and observed) only by people of the same gender as the detained person, said Judge Mary E. Scriven.

The judge agreed such a warrant is illegal and called it "unconstitutionally overboard."

Lawyer Hartley said most of the settlement money will go to paying his fees, and the women will receive $5,000 each.

No surprise there then.

 Quite a lot of Euro measures to the right

A runaway horse has been caught on film by a speed camera in Germany.

The nag had escaped from a paddock and dashed off down a busy main road and into the town of Meppen in Emsland in the province of Lower Saxony.

A police spokesman said: "The horse was galloping at full speed for several kilometres before it could be stopped and caught - and led back home.

"The picture was taken by a camera set to take pictures of speeding motorists and people going over the red light - and it was actually a car driver that triggered the picture and the horse ended up being snapped in the same picture.

"The driver has asked if he could avoid paying the fine - he claimed he was trying to get out of the way of a runaway horse.  

I do like an optimist.

 And finally:

Left a touch to the land of cheese and windy buildings

A contestant on the Dutch TV show- Who Is The Worst Driver In The Netherlands? Has well and truly staked his claim after he ran down a TV presenter during filming for the final episode.

BNN reporter and television personality Ruben Nicolai was standing to the side of a 'braking from speed test' when the contestant known as 'Pim' swerved off the tarmac and ploughed straight into both a cameraman and Nicolai himself.

Luckily no-one was seriously injured in the smash which occurred when Pim took his eyes off the road and ran over traffic cones.

In a split-second the car left the road and headed toward the nearby crew as Pim closed his eyes and hoped for the best.

After spending a night in hospital, a shaken Nicolai reassured viewers that he would make a full recovery: 'I've just a little pain in my shoulder and my foot. We all had the fright of our lives.'

Pim has had his licence revoked.

 Too much whacky baccy?

 That’s it: I’m orf to the Solar Park (I really do like an optimist). 

And today’s thought: How many weeks are there in a light year?

Angus

Calling home: Irish polar bears: Taping a brain: Naked theatre: and Elfandsafety sponges.

Damp, dingy and more than a tad dismal at the Castle this morn, the study is empty of all thingies, the hip is getting better, his Maj seems to think that I can control the weather and the bollards are still missing. 

I suppose I should mention the demise of the News of the doodah, don’t really give a marsupials mammaries, cynic I may be but it seems that the sacrifice has been made, which will allow the Millionaires Club Coalition to make the “right” decision later in the year over BSB.

Anyway if you can be bothered HERE is the full Murdoch statement.

The good news is that thousands of trees will be saved....or not.

I see that Santander is bringing its Indian call centres back to Blighty

Chief executive Ana Botin told the BBC customers had said it was "the most important factor in terms of the satisfaction with the bank".

It is taking on 500 staff for new phone centres and has 25 million customers and 1,300 branches in the UK.

The bank acquired Abbey, Alliance & Leicester and parts of Bradford & Bingley in 2008.

Commenting on the call centre move, Ms Botin said: "This is what our customers have told us is the most important factor in terms of the satisfaction with the bank, and we have listened to them and decided to bring all of our retail call centres back from India."

Allegedly there is a trend for banks and other companies to bring call centres back to the UK, although many are now moving administration work to cheaper countries instead.

 So instead of trying to translate foreign accents customers will have to decipher foreign “English”.

 I bank with Barclays-you can’t even ring your local branch....

According to scientists

The maternal ancestors of modern polar bears were from Ireland, Previously, it was believed that today's polar bears were most closely related to brown bears living on islands off the coast of Alaska.

However, analysis of mitochondrial DNA - which is passed from mother to child - has shown the extinct Irish brown bears are the ancestors of all today's polar bears, the scientists said.

Their work provides evidence of the two species mating opportunistically during the past 100,000 years or more. 

Which explains why they choose to live in one of the coldest places on Earth.

East to the land of long stringy things

A 23 cm long tapeworm has been surgically removed from a Chinese woman's brain. Doctors in a Nanjing hospital removed the worm from the brain of 24-year-old Li Fang a week ago, Li said she was disgusted at the thought of the tapeworm living in her brain.

Li's husband Yang said she suffered her first seizure last December and she was taken to hospital where it was detected that there was something in her brain but doctors could not determine what it was.

The second seizure was in June. This time a scan showed a strange object in her brain and a decision to operate was taken.

Doctors found a roughly spherical mass that was pressing against her brain nerves. While removing it, they suddenly found a long worm attached to it.

It was a tapeworm -- alive and wriggling.

So it isn’t little people that live in my brain.........

 West a fair amount to the land of Plumbers

Street theatre actors were torn off a strip by police after they mingled naked with crowds at a music festival.

The Deuxime Groupe D'intervention performers had been invited from France to take part in Poland's Malta Festival in Poznan.

But the group, whose motto is 'Wake Up Your Sensitive Parts, ignored the stage and stripped naked as they mingled with festival-goers waiting for bands like Portishead and Fleet Foxes to start playing.

Police threw the entire cast in the cells on public indecency charges after shocked concert goers dialled 999.

"We didn't know they were performers. There was no stage or acting as such. We just thought they were very kinky nutcases," said one witness.

A police spokesman confirmed: "A group was detained for lewd conduct in a public place."

Theatre isn’t what it used to be.

 And finally:

 Up North

Carnival organisers banned a wet sponge throwing event - for health and safety reasons. They feared they sponges might get dirty and someone could end up with grit in their eye.

The event had been a traditional favourite as carnival-goers aimed sponges at unfortunate volunteers in the stocks in the Lake District town of Ulverston...

But Saturday’s spectacular went ahead with water pistols, not sponges.

Organiser Ralph Spours said: “We decided that, in the face of health and safety, it would make better sense to use super-soakers instead.

“We did note that sometimes when the sponges were landing on the ground, they were landing in dirt and grit, being put back in the water butts and thrown again and there was a danger that people could get grit in their eye.”  

Goggles anyone?

That’s it: After doing a Clarkson on India, Ireland, Poland  and other foreign countries I’m orf to search for the Dorset Pliosaur in the moat. 

And today’s thought: If tin whistles are made out of tin, what do they make fog horns out of?

 Angus

Fireball CXCL5: Public rip orf: Teetotal teens: Data tsunami: Lucy still stands: Chipped flowers: Horn of a dilemma: and Body painting.

 Wet, windy and woe-some at the Castle this morn, the “workmen” finally came to repair the bollards and spent twenty minutes in the pouring rain with pneumatic hammers before buggering orf, his Maj has discovered that wet grass makes you leap about, and the study is half empty of broken doo dahs. 

I see that “experts” have discovered why sunburn hurts

Apparently it is because of a chemical in the body that triggers pain, CXCL5 as it is called, is produced when skin is burnt by UV rays from the sun.

I would have thought that the word “Sunburn” gave them a hint.....

And the knobs at the The Environmental Audit Committee

Have come up with a cunning plan-The government should use money from fuel duty to cut the price of public transport, according to a group of MPs.

The committee said that green taxes "cannot be all stick and no carrots" and it called for simple links to be made between taxing things that pollute and investing in more environmentally friendly alternatives.

Using fuel duty to cut the rising fares on buses and trains was given as a straightforward example. 

Here’s an idea-why not cut the fuel duty?

Apparently amid the constant furore surrounding binge drinking among Britain's young people, a quiet revolution is taking place. Increasing numbers are abstaining from alcohol in what appears to be a rejection of media stereotypes and peer pressure.

An annual survey of young people's drinking habits, to be published by the NHS Information Centre in two weeks, is expected to show another rise in the number of young teenagers who have never had a drink. This follows nine years of steady increases in the proportion of 11 to 15 year olds who have never tried alcohol, from 39 per cent in 2001 to 49 per cent last year.

And we all know how truthful teenagers are.......

 U-Turn Cam will open a huge data archive to the public

People will get a new right to know how well their GPs, hospitals, schools and transport services are performing under ground-breaking proposals to be announced today.

David Cameron will force public bodies to publish a mountain of data so consumers can measure the performance of the services they use in what ministers are hailing as the biggest exercise in open government in the world.

The shake-up will reveal:

* Clinical outcomes of every GP practice;

* Complaints made about every NHS hospital;

* Performance of clinical teams in hospitals in treating different conditions including lung cancer;

* Success rates of schools in teaching high-, average- and low-attaining pupils in different subjects;

* Sentences passed by courts, including the age, gender and ethnicity of criminals;

* Re-offending rates of people sent to prison;

* Real-time data on traffic congestion, speeds and incidents on the roads;

* The performance of train operators;

* All government purchases made on procurement cards worth more than £500 after controversy over the use of credit cards. 

That’ll help with paying the bills......

 Over the wet thing to the left

Lucy the Elephant, a building that has stood on the Jersey Shore for almost 130 years, survived her second lightning strike in four years almost unscathed.

Richard Helfant, head of Save Lucy, said air conditioning, computers and other electrical systems were damaged by the hit early Sunday, The Press of Atlantic City reported. But the structure of the building in Margate appeared unharmed.

In May 2007, lightning hit the howdah, the carriage on Lucy's back. It had to be lowered to the ground for repairs and then hoisted back up at a total cost of $162,000.

"They say lightning doesn't strike twice," Helfant said. "They lied."

Which is why Lucy was never used as a bus depot-bad conductor.

 Dahn in Devon

Flower beds are being micro-chipped by town hall bosses in a hi-tech effort to beat thieves.

East Devon District Council thinks professionals are targeting its shrubs – including 60 heather plants taken from a gallery – as prices rocket.

It is buying the chips, similar to those used for pets, for a few pence and will save thousands. It said: “If someone is found with our plants there can be no argument – they are definitely stolen.” 

Isn’t modern technology wonderful?

 Over in the land of Belgians

A stuffed rhinoceros head was stolen from the Brussels Natural History Museum, the second such robbery in Belgium in less than a month.

"At closing time, the head of a black 'Diceros bicornis' rhinoceros exhibited in the Mammals gallery was stolen by three people," the museum said in a statement issued after the Tuesday heist.

The rhino robbers fled to a waiting car with a driver, with museum guards in hot pursuit. "They got away before we could catch then," the museum added. 

Methinks they need younger security staff.....

 

And finally: 

Austrian body painting

I only have one comment-why?

 That’s it: I’m orf to impregnate my smelly socks.

 And today’s thought: No one is listening until you make a mistake.

 Angus