Back to the gravy train: In or In?: Accidental outlaw: The Falcon and the Black widow: Flying cars: and Dundee they ain’t.

Massive amounts of wind and wet stuff at the Castle this morn-and the weather isn’t much better, did the Crimbo shopping yestermorn-one Crimbo dinner in a box, six mince pies and some custard, and I posted all the Crimbo cards-sorted.

There are still plenty of piss poor number crunchers in the study and his Maj thinks he is invisible.

Apparently “hard up” MPs want to return to the “good old days”

A parliamentary committee is demanding changes to the way MPs' expenses are handled, saying the current independent method was "untenable".

According to the slimy, lying, money grabbing useless gits:

"We believe the status quo is untenable, for the following reasons: the administration of the system does not provide value for money; MPs are being hindered in carrying out their parliamentary duties and deterred from making legitimate claims, to the detriment of their constituents and the democratic process."

Instead they want to go back to the former system of paper receipts which operated at the time of the expenses scandal, with Ipsa official inputting the details into computer systems rather than MPs and their staff doing it.

I like the status quo, even if they can only play two chords....

And U-Turn Cam has decided that we will not get a referendum on our membership of the EU

He ruled out a referendum on British membership of the EU and said that membership brought significant economic and diplomatic benefits. “Britain remains a full member of the European Union,” the Prime Monster told the Commons. “The events of the last week do nothing to change that.”

He said membership was “vital to our national interest”, and the single market helped secure trade, investment and jobs.

Nice one knobhead; trade, investment and jobs are really getting better, and your “decision” made sure that there will be no referendum.

Apparently;

New research suggests many Brits may be breaking the law online

Potential crimes can include defamation in a Tweet or Facebook status, such as accusing someone of something they didn’t do or ruining their reputation without evidence.

Downloading music and movies illegally is another common pitfall while even simply changing the status on Facebook of a friend or family member without their permission is against the law.

The top five areas of concern found by the research were:

1) Uploading copyrighted content such as photos or song lyrics to a personal website or social network with just a 33% average pass rate.
2) Using copyrighted material on blogs (35%)
3) Discussing or publishing details of a super injunction (38%)
4) Defamation of other people through social media (42%)
5) Uploading and downloading of music illegally (44%)

Naughty, naughty.....

In austerity ridden second class Blighty

Mechanics stripping down a classic car imported from America were startled to find two deadly black widow spiders nesting inside.

One was discovered under the fuel tank while the other was lurking behind the dashboard of the 1964 Ford Falcon.

The car was imported into the UK to Damax, a motorsport company in Bicester, Oxfordshire, last January, but work only started on it last week.

Manager Robin Ward said after they found the first spider they put it in a plastic container before identifying it on the internet.

He admitted: “I had quite a shock when we first suspected it could be a black widow. We continued stripping the car with a great deal of caution, and couldn’t believe it when we found a second spider under the dashboard.” He added: “We would have never found either of the spiders had we not completely stripped the car but we’re certain there are no more.”

 

Yeah right....

 

Right a smidge to the land of Latvians

 Latvian airline airBaltic announced Monday it was branching out into another business, claiming to be the world's first carrier to sell cars during its flights.

From Friday, passengers on all airBaltic flights will be able to buy a Mini Cooper R56 -- provided they have a spare 24,699 Euros ($33,048).

They will be asked to make a 50 euro ($67) down payment while in the air and complete the purchase once they land.

They should be done under the trades description act-it isn’t a Mini Cooper, it’s a bleedin BMW box.

 

And finally:

Dahn Unda

Two fishermen in far northern Australia are lucky to be alive after a crocodile tried to eat them for dinner.

The 10-foot (three-metre) saltwater croc lunged at the men but could not get at them because spindly mangroves were in the way at the creek on the outskirts of Darwin.

The men clambered up small trees to escape. But one of them slipped and plunged into the water.

Senior Sergeant Greg Pusterla said the angler got out of the creek and back up the tree in record time. One of the men had a cell phone and called police.

Officers raced to the scene and saw the croc lurking nearby. They rang Parks and Wildlife rangers who shot the animal because it was aggressive.

Of course it was aggressive it was a Croc-Darwin Numptys...

That’s it: I’m orf to check out Dan Dare.

And today’s thought:

Angus

Dwarf King: PO “locals”: Oh no-no Cocoa: Painting the town: Chuffin Crimbo: and Poodle plod.

Layers of the white crusty stuff at the Castle this morn, the butler is happily storing fat teenagers in the furnace, his Maj managed to go out, do his business and return to the warm in less than a minute and the ducks are ice skating on the moat.

In poor old lonely Blighty

Think of the barmiest thing you can imagine and then add a bit-Old fart and still living in Politico world Tony Benn has come up with a stonking plan.

He thinks that the Queen could be replaced by the House of Commons' Speaker in a republican Britain which maintains a titular head of state.

"If you're looking for a titular head of state I think the Speaker of the House of Commons would be perfect - he's respected, he understands the constitution," Mr Benn added.

 

Bollocks; dopey can’t even control his missus, let alone the country....

And from next June

Allegedly Up to 2,000 rural post offices will close from next summer and be replaced by limited counter services in garages and shops.

Under plans that will be rolled out from June, one fifth of the branch network will be converted into new "PO Locals", which offer a downgraded service within other commercial premises.

Customers will not be able to apply for driving licences, send post bulky mail overseas, pay car tax or make cash withdrawals using passbooks.

The changes will affect one in five of the 11,500 post offices across the country.

Last night the Department for Business, Innovation and Skills, which is expected to take over the running of the post office network from Royal Mail in April next year, defended the plans.

Customers would also benefit from being able to access post office services round the clock, during the hours that the convenience store or garage is open.

A BIS spokesman said: “The Post Office network will be maintained at its current size and coverage of 11,500 outlets nationwide and strict access criteria must be met to ensure reasonable access to services for all.

“This is about making sure that people have access to the services they want and need from their post office, at times they want them, and making running a post office more profitable for hard working sub-postmasters.”

As long as they don’t want to “apply for driving licences, send post bulky mail overseas, pay car tax or make cash withdrawals using passbooks.”

  

Stock up on choc

Apparently a shortage of cocoa could lead to a drop in production of chocolate all over the world.

Industry insiders predict a one-million-ton shortage of cocoa within eight years, fuelled by growing demand in Asia, mainly from China.

It means an area the size of the Ivory Coast must become included in cocoa cultivation to boost production to the required levels.

Farmers also need more training to help increase their cocoa bean crops or prices will rise, warn experts.

More cocoa substitutes could be used in making chocolate.

That’ll make finding fat teenagers for the furnace a bit harder for the butler....

East to the land that isn’t China

Tucked away in one corner of the large city of Taichung, Taiwan lies a modest ‘military dependents’ village’ – a community built in the late 1940s and the 1950s to serve as provisional housing for Nationalist soldiers, but ended up becoming permanent settlements.

Over the years, many military dependents' villages have suffered from urban problems such as housing dereliction, abandonment, urban decay, and urban slum. This drab place has now been transformed into a beautiful and vibrant tourist hotspot, thanks to the colourful paintings of Huang Yung-fu, an 86-year-old veteran from Taichung City.

Cheerful, hope he got planning permission...

Back in Chuffin Blighty

National Rail launched its new timetables yesterday.

Changes come into effect across the whole country and will remain in place until Sunday, 20 May 2012.

The main alterations affect service run by the following train operating companies: Arriva Trains Wales, c2c, Chiltern Railways, East Coast, East Midlands Trains, First Capital Connect, First Great Western, Grand Central, London Midland, Merseyrail, National Express East Anglia, Northern Rail, ScotRail, South West Trains , Southeastern and Stansted Express.

Among the changes are:

Retimed early morning trains between Bridgend and Cardiff have been retimed

An increased peak-time service at West Ham, giving additional connections to London Underground and Docklands Light Railway

Reduced journey times to and from London Marylebone

More East Coast trains calling at Berwick-upon-Tweed on Saturdays

An increased number of trains to and from Lincoln

An increased number of carriages on some peak-time Thameslink trains between Bedford and Brighton

A Sunday service during the winter months on the line between Par and Newquay

Faster journey times for several trains between London Paddington and Reading, and on Thames Valley branches (Henley-on-Thames / Marlow)

Additional carriages on trains to and from Walsall, Shrewsbury, Leamington Spa, Stourbridge, Hereford and Stratford-upon-Avon

Increased number of Chester services during the morning peak hours

A new service between Broxbourne and London Liverpool Street, and trains between Bishops Stortford and Stratford running every 30 minutes

Additional evening-peak services between Manchester Piccadilly, Marple, New Mills and Sheffield

Additional trains on several ScotRail routes, including Inverness - Glasgow and Edinburgh, Dundee - Glasgow, Elgin / Aberdeen - Inverness, and Ayr - Girvan

Additional train services during the day between Bromley South and Grove Park

 Click here for live arrivals and departures at your local station if you still have one.....

And finally:

Still over on the right

Police in the western Japanese prefecture of Tottori unveiled two unusual new recruits - a pair of toy poodles, the Nihonkai Shimbun reported.

Fuga, two, and Karin one, passed the police canine test in July and will be put to work finding missing hikers in the mountainous region.

The female toy poodles, one of which is gray and the other brown, also would take part in criminal manhunts, the report said.

Poodles are an unusual choice of police dog -- normally, larger breeds are preferred.

"Their trainers thought the dogs had keen senses and responded exceptionally well to commands," AFP quoted a spokesman as saying.

The remote Tottori prefecture, some 300 miles (480 kilometres) from Tokyo, does not have a full-time police canine force and relies on about 20 domestic dogs with special training to help when needed.

 

What can you say.....

  

That’s it: I’m orf to keep an eye on the weather. 

And today’s thought:

Angus

One billion Brazil nuts: Acoba on your side-not: Crimbo destruction: Pigeon poo: Water buffalo racing: and the Tesco Turkey.

Even more lack of heat at the Castle this morn, the liquid metal gauge has frozen and the white crusty stuff on the Honda is about an inch thick.

The study still contains enough malfunctioning machines to keep me in stale bread and gruel, and his Maj in pussy food.

And talking of his Maj, he has finally found his killer instinct-on a toy mouse....

Allegedly three core Cable

Has decided to underwrite a billion-dollar loan to one of the world's biggest oil companies, the deal, which will see UK Export Finance guarantee a loan to the Brazilian oil firm Petrobras for deep-water oil drilling, is contrary to a government commitment that the department, which is headed by Vince Cable, the Business Secretary, and the trade minister, Lord Green, would champion British firms involved in green technologies "instead of supporting investment in dirty fossil-fuel energy production".

Petrobras was involved in 18 major oil and gas spills between 1975 and 2001, in which 141 people were killed and about 29 million barrels of oil spilled, according to Greenpeace Brazil. In 2001, the world's largest production platform, owned by Petrobras, exploded, killing 11 workers; it then sank, causing a huge spillage of oil and gas. And in August last year Brazil's oil regulator ordered the firm to suspend operations at one of its platforms because of safety concerns.

It emerged in October that taxpayers' money was also being used to back the development of Russian coal mines, with UK Export Finance underwriting a multimillion-pound project to refurbish and expand two mines in Siberia.

 

And will it bring down the cost of go juice, electricity or gas-not a bleedin chance...

Apparently there is another scandal brewing in the corridors of power

Top public officials involved in awarding companies lucrative contracts - and who then go to work for them

In one of the biggest-spending departments, the Ministry of Defence, almost 250 staff – including 20 generals, admirals or air marshals – have joined defence companies in a single year, new figures show.

And a Sunday Telegraph investigation has established that the organisation supposedly responsible for vetting the most senior “revolving-door” appointments has not vetoed a single application in the last 15 years.

According to the annual reports of the Advisory Committee on Business Appointments (Acoba), it has considered 944 applications for private sector jobs by former top mandarins and ministers since 1996. Of these, 412 were approved with conditions, and 532 – 56 per cent – were approved unconditionally. None was rejected.

Among the most heavily criticised deals of recent years is that for the Royal Navy’s two new aircraft carriers, which will cost taxpayers more than £6 billion, even though one will be immediately mothballed and the other will carry no aircraft until 2020. At least four top military officers and ministers, including the heads of the Navy and the RAF, a former vice-chief of defence staff and the former minister for defence equipment, Ann Taylor, have since joined companies with an interest in the aircraft-carrier project. Their appointments were approved by Acoba.

A spokeswoman for Acoba said that a number of ministers’ and officials’ applications for job approval had been withdrawn because of advice that Acoba provided. These figures were not included in the annual reports, she said.

She added that Acoba’s membership was a matter for the Prime Minister and she defended Lord Lang’s role, saying that in the Dispatches sting “no offer of employment of any kind was made or accepted”, and that Lord Lang would have cleared any such offer with Acoba before taking it up.

Yeah right-but don’t forget “we are..........”

Up a bit to the place where potters aren’t allowed

Landlord Andrew Marler has had his pub partially demolished by a 'violently shaking' 30ft tall Santa Claus.

The inflatable Father Christmas has proved to be a one-man demolition derby with strong winds causing the Santa to pull down tiles from the roof of the Old Manor pub in Potters Bar.

But Mr Marler is keen to keep his decoration - which is unsurprising as it cost him £3,000. However, he is fully aware of the damage it has caused:

'When it is really windy it causes the whole pub to violently shake from side to side and makes a deafening creaking noise.

The sky-high Santa lights up at night and is so colossal it can be seen by passing planes. Six men were needed to lift it onto the chimney where it still has pride of place.

Mr Marler believes it was worth every penny. He said: 'Children ask their parents to take a detour on their way home from school to look at it and commuters can see it from the train.'

58-year-old Mr Marler has been allowed to keep his unique Christmas decoration on the grounds that it remains safe.

 

Maybe that should read ‘on the ground until it is safe’.

Left to the Big Apple

NY cops are getting the bird, Fred, an unmistakable brown and orange pigeon, recently took up residence on a metal fence surrounding the World Trade Centre's memorial plaza -- and has been dive-bombing cops stationed nearby ever since.

Fred's antics have ruffled the feathers of the officers, who were caught jokingly mocking the bird this week. But it looks like the foul-tempered fowl will have the last laugh.

Someone ratted out the bird bullies to police higher-ups -- and cops assigned to the World Trade Centre site were admonished by superiors at their roll calls Thursday and Friday about hurting Fred's feelings.

"Your appearance in public has to be professional," a supervisor chided the cops at the First Precinct station house.

"We're receiving complaints about police officers' demeanour regarding a bird [at the WTC site]," the supervisor added.

Sometimes you are the pigeon, other times you are the statue.....

Keep going left

Makepung is an Indonesian tradition featuring water buffalo races, attracting tourists from far and wide to Bali’s Jembrana region.

Makepung translates into the English word “romp,” which doesn’t come close to explaining this annual event that is so popular that it is professionally managed on a national level.

Once a private game among farmers — who at harvest time diverted themselves with these races while performing the drudgery of ploughing their fields — Makepung has over the years attracted other professions to join in, providing they BYOB (bring your own buffalo).

Must check out the Castle grounds for some "Bubalus bubalis".

 And finally: 

My favourite retailer is at it again

Tesco turkeys advertised as half price are being sold cheaper at rival supermarkets with no discount, it has been claimed.

Rival supermarkets have been found to be selling their own frozen turkeys for around the same price, without a 50 per cent discount attached.

Figures show that a Tesco half-price, extra-large frozen turkey has been reduced to £25 from £50, compared to the equivalent bird sold by Asda at a price £1 cheaper.

Tesco insists that it complied with this rule by selling the turkeys at their full original price during the summer months of August and September – when very few shoppers would want a frozen turkey.

On Friday Tesco insisted the claimed savings are real.

 A bit like the Yeti then.....

 That’s it: I’m orf to pixilate a tank. 

And today’s thought:

Angus

Chuffin U-Turn cam: Taxing retirement: The wheels on the Ford: Parallel parking: Lazy anti lazy training: and Shoddy Aylesbury.

Oodles of the white crusty stuff at the Castle this morn, the furnace is replete with fat teenagers, the study is nicely inhabited with uncooperative computers and his Maj is curled up on a chair next to a radiator. 

After finally growing at least one gonad

Our beloved Prime Monster has gorn orf the rails, according to U-Turn Cam Britain cannot afford to miss out on new high speed rail links from the capital to Manchester, Birmingham, Leeds and other cities.

He reckons that- “If we want to be a world-beating country with world-beating businesses I think it is the right answer to be looking at high speed rail,” he said, during an event for DHL Express workers in Hounslow.

“Of course it’s difficult and you have to spend a lot of money on tunnels and making sure the people who live on the line get compensation. But if you want to take on the best economies in the world, you’ve got to have the best transport systems in the world and I think that means some high speed rail.” 

Here’s an idea-leave the piss poor railway system as it is and spend the £32,500,000,000 on housing, helping companies and training for the people of the North East instead....

Because 32 and a half billion is a lot to pay for twenty minutes or so less travelling time, and planes are faster......

It seems that that the knob at the top of HMRC is orf

Dave Hartnett will retire in the summer of 2012, HM Revenue and Customs (HMRC) has announced.

From January, the permanent secretary of tax, who turns 61 in February, will work with a new HMRC chief executive - Lin Homer.

Last month, Mr Hartnett admitted to a committee of MPs that mistakes had been made in a tax deal negotiated by HMRC with Goldman Sachs.

And in September last year, he apologised to 1.4 million people who were receiving letters revealing an underpayment of tax. This came hours after a refusal to apologise brought severe criticism.

Wonder what his pension will be.....

Across the briny on the left

 Ford Motor Co recalled nearly 129,000 Ford Fusion and Mercury Milan sedans in the United States citing a risk that the wheels may fall off, U.S. safety regulators said on Friday.

These cars, from the model year 2010 and 2011, are equipped with 17-inch steel wheels. Ford said the wheel studs may fracture, causing the car to shake. If ignored, the wheels may fall off while the car is moving, according to a posting on the National Highway Traffic Safety Administration website.

The problems may be caused by steel wheel mounting pads or rear brake discs that have been incorrectly built and cannot properly support the wheel, Ford said.

As of September 30, Ford has found one case when the front wheel fell off and five cases where the rear wheel dropped off that are possibly due to these problems.

The cars were built at the Hermosillo stamping and assembly plant in Mexico from April 2009 and from December 2009 through November 13, 2010. Cars with alloy wheels are not affected.

Ford said 128,616 cars are affected by the recall.

Bloody lazy Mexicans......

And up a bit to the big fruit

  

Not so much parallel parking more of a mugging.

West even further until it becomes East

Five Chinese officials have been suspended from their jobs after they were observed sleeping or reading newspapers during a video conference on stamping out laziness at work, state media reported Friday.

The officials, all high-level workers at tax bureau in the northern province of Shanxi, were supposed to be participating in a meeting to push better work discipline, the official Xinhua news agency reported.

It did not say for how long they would be suspended.

The campaign is to remind officials they cannot leave their posts, play games or "attend recreational activities" during office hours, Xinhua added.

Bloody lazy Chinese....

And finally:

Back in lonely Blighty

Up a bit to the posh part, a council Christmas display was described as "embarrassing" as faulty lights left Santa with no face, a reindeer with one antler and the town of Aylesbury described as a "great lace to live".

Faulty lights in Aylesbury town centre, Buckinghamshire, have been erected with several malfunctions, which have led to the £27,000 display being called the shabbiest in Britain.

It includes reindeer with only one antler and one leg as well as Santa without a face.

Once darkness falls, one sign describes the town as "a great lace to be" while another declares "seasns eets" from Aylesbury Vale District Council

 

The joys of Crimbo.

That’s it: I’m orf to do a bit of Nano carving.

And today’s thought:

Angus

In or out: “L” of a motorway: Leaking Ark: Where’s the money: Grand sandwiches-70 of them: and Plastic manhole covers.

Not quite as cold as the coldest thing you can think of at the Castle this morn, the butler is inserting fat teenagers into the furnace at a rate of knots, his Maj is tearing around like a lunatic and I broke a tooth last eve while eating an apple-so much for “healthy eating”.

 

As I am sure you all know by now

U-Turn Cam has refused to join an EU financial crisis accord after pointless negotiations in Brussels.

Britain and Hungary look set to stay outside the accord, with Sweden and the Czech Republic having to consult their parliaments on it.

A full accord of all 27 EU members "wasn't possible, given the position of our British friends," President Sarkozy said.

Mr Sarkozy said the eurozone countries would sign an intergovernmental accord aimed at stabilising the currency in the face of the debt crisis, plus any other EU members that wanted to join.

He could have told them “Non” by text, now all we need is a referendum....

The Dept of Transport

Is allegedly going to let learner drivers on motorways from next year, the intention is to end the situation in which young drivers can be confronted with traffic driving at speeds of 70 mph or above without any preparation.

Under the plans announced by Mr Penning, it will be possible for learner drivers to undergo some training on a motorway but only if accompanied by a qualified driving instructor.

One of the snags is that the change will not be made compulsory because of the difficulties learner drivers in remote areas of the country would face in finding a motorway within a reasonable distance of where they lived.

Since taking office Mr Penning has stopped driving test centres publicising the routes which will be used during the examination.

He has also banned the publishing of answers to the theory test to prevent candidates learning by rote.

In a further change Mr Penning plans to ban trainee driving instructors giving lessons unless they themselves are supervised by a fully qualified colleague.

Ever seen a “young driver” going down a dual carriageway.... 

Over to the big bit under what is left of Europe

A leaky church roof could be about to give the world the chance to glimpse the legendary Ark of the Covenant.

No one has been allowed to see the holy object, described in scripture as being made from acacia wood, plated with gold and topped with two golden angels, except one solitary elderly monk, who must watch over the Ark for the remainder of his life, and is never allowed to leave the chapel grounds.

But now the chapel – which was designed by the Ethiopian leader Emperor Hailie Selassie – has had to be covered in a tarpaulin to stop rain getting in.The water damage could mean the Ark will be moved for the first time in decades giving religious worshippers and adventurers alike a chance to see it.

 Doesn’t work very well do it.......?

 Left more than a lot

The head of bankrupt US brokerage firm MF Global, Jon Corzine, has told a congressional committee that he has no idea where its clients' money has gone.

An estimated $1.2bn (£760m) in customer cash is missing from accounts.

The company filed for Chapter 11 bankruptcy on 31 October after making a $6.3bn bet on European sovereign debt.

In written testimony read out to the committee Mr Corzine apologises to "all those affected" by the businesses failure.

"I simply do not know where the money is, or why the accounts have not been reconciled to date," he added.

Ah, the old “it wasn’t me guv” defence.

Back in second tier Blighty

Lothian and Borders Police invited tenders for a £70,000 contract to provide sandwiches for the force, giving details of the length and flavours they were willing to accept.

The police force managed to stretch the description to 45 pages in a 10,000-word tendering document for catering firms supplying snacks to beat officers.

The force, which has up to £70,000 to spend on just 7,500 packed lunches per year, specifies that officers will require a baguette measuring 11 inches long, and containing one of 17 different fillings set out in a separate spreadsheet, which include brie and cranberry, smoked salmon and cream cheese and prawn mayonnaise.

It adds that 75 per cent of the baguettes must be made from white bread and 25 per cent from brown, and filled to “the standard size and weight stipulated by the British Sandwich Association”.

Crisps must be Walker’s, Mackie’s or “equivalent” and each packet must contain “no less than 34.5 grammes of product within the bag”.

As for the water bottles, they must contain “no less than 500ml of still or carbonated spring water” which must be “supplied from Scottish wells and springs and have been bottled in Scotland”.

Other sections of the document cover health and safety rules, requirements for environmentally-friendly packaging, compliance with anti-discrimination and anti-bribery laws, as well as a host of financial and legal clauses.

On Tuesday The Daily Telegraph reported that officers had complained “in vast numbers” about the choice of sandwich fillings in the snacks they were given, and in particular moaning that tuna, chicken and egg had a limited shelf life and exposed them to the risk of food poisoning.

Make your own bloody sandwiches then and save us seventy grand.

And finally:

Dahn in Zomerzet

A cunning plan has been devised to stop the drain on resources caused by metal thieves; North Somerset Council is trialling the use of the new plastic, anti-skid covers in Nailsea after scores of metal ones were stolen earlier this year.

A total of 19 manhole and drain covers, made out of wrought iron and costing around £4,000, were stolen from across North Somerset in just 48 hours in March.

The new plastic covers cost in the region of £400 each and last for around 15 years compared to the metal ones which cost around £110 but need replacing every five years.

Three and bit times the times the price for three times the life?

Anyway isn’t an anti skid manhole cover also known as a butt plug?

That’s it: I’m orf to plumb the depths of the moat.

And today’s thought:

Angus

I’ve got more than enough: Frying tonight: NHS I.T. tosspots: Old sarnie: Supercharged mobility: and Crimbo becomes a “Winter Festival”.

A whimsy colder than the coldest thing you can think off at the castle this morn, the Honda has a brand new rear exit window and it had been a roller coaster week.

As of yestermorn I am no longer a benefit scrounger, after two days on the dole, the study is packed to the rafters with dodgy digit do dahs, and I have enough work to last well into the New Year.

So I contacted my 12 year old “personal advisor” dahn at the non Jobs Centre and ‘politely’ told him to place my claim for £65 per week into his out tray.

 Just returned from the stale bread, gruel and pussy food run at Tesco, his Maj’s Dreamies have gorn back up to £1.36, and the rest of the shopping is still rising in price.

 

There has been a fair few “anonymous” commenter’s wanting to submit posts, no problem, all you have to do is contact me on the email address on the blog (angusdei@live.co.uk)and we will go from there.

According to those “climate change” chappies

Alternative sources of energy, such as cooking oil and wood, must account for 10 per cent of Britain’s energy by 2050.

This is essential if Britain is to meet its legally-binding obligation to cut greenhouse gases to 20 per cent of their level in 1990 by 2050.

Other changes advocated by the Committee included building houses out of wood rather than steel, cement and concrete which were responsible for generating higher carbon emissions.

A number of bus companies, including Stagecoach, have started using cooking oil for part of their fleet.

Trials were started in Kilmarnock, three years ago. Used fat is now being used on buses in Cambridge and Gwynedd.

They won’t be any more punctual but at least you will smell them coming...

And the suppliers of the defunct NHS I.T. ‘system’

Is set to receive a £2 billion extension despite the failed project being abandoned, it was claimed last night.

Computer Sciences Corporation [CSC] has reportedly informed Wall Street that it expects its contract to provide electronic patient records across the NHS to be extended.

Taxpayers are now facing an estimated £2billion bill, despite the company already failing to deliver a fully functional version of its software, The Times reported.

The £11.4billion National Programme for IT, set up in 2002, was at the time billed as the world’s biggest civilian computerisation project.

It aimed to give doctors instant access to patient records wherever they were being treated and CSC had signed a deal to computerise records in most of England.

Digitising the medical records of the country’s 62 million people was the core objective of the National Programme for IT in the NHS, accounting for £7bn of the total estimated cost.

Yet CSC stated in official US papers that it was in talks with the British Government for its contract to be extended until 2017, at a cost of up to £2billion.

On Wednesday night, the Department of Health [DoH] admitted that “negotiations” were ongoing with the company over its NHS contracts, but would not comment further.

Sigh.....

Over the wet, wavy thing on the left

A sandwich which stays fresh for up to two years has been developed for the US army as Dr George McGavin found out as part of his investigation into what happens when food rots.

Preservation is done without freeze drying or refrigeration. The trick: Without water, bacteria can’t grow, so removing the water would preserve the food… but a without water, food would taste terrible. So, they use honey, sugar and salt to grab the water and keep it from being used by pests. Also a packet of iron filings scavenges the oxygen. Removing the oxygen prevents yeast, mold and bacteria from growing.

No thanks....

Back in Blighty

A mobility scooter has been seized by Doncaster council officers after being driven at speeds of up to 60mph, scaring wild deer and annoying residents in the area.

Converted to be driven by a supercharged 140cc petrol engine, the mobility scooter was described as a 'feat of engineering' by Cynthia Ransome, Doncaster council's communities officer.

As well as the engine, it had been 'pimped' with go-kart wheels and a large exhaust.

The mobility scooter's 24-year-old rider was stopped and the vehicle seized on Sunday. It has now been returned to its owner.





That’ll scare the poo out of him.

And finally:

Still in the land of the Piss Poor Policies Millionaires Club Coalition

Marilyn Sharland, a vicar, is furious after Liberal Democrats called Christmas 'the winter festive season' in a local newsletter.

Rev Marilyn Sharland said she was annoyed that the "banal" headline in the Lib Dem flyer showed disrespect to Christians by failing to give Christmas its proper name.

"I was really, really put out," said Rev Sharland, who is a canon of Gloucester cathedral as well as a parish vicar in the city.

"I'm fed up with people trying to sideline the Christian faith and as a consequence they are sidelining the festival of Christmas.

"People of all faiths and those who have none all celebrate Christmas because it's a lovely time and a great thing to do."

But Gloucestershire County Councillor Bill Crowther (Lib Dem, Hucclecote) said he did not understand why anyone would take offence.

He said: "We decided on the headline because it was an article about all the great things going on in December in Hucclecote, including things at the churches, and praising the people involved in them.

“They” really don’t get it do they.

 That’s it: I’m orf to chase a French glacier. 

And today’s thought:

Angus

Taxing cock-ups: Fit for cancer: Only wipe once: Mooving mowers: Type a picture: and Light trucks.

Colder than the coldest thing at the Castle this morn, since “retiring” the phone hasn’t stopped ringing with users wanting a fix-sod it, and I decided to have a clear out yestermorn, loaded the Honda up with stuff for the “recycling centre” shut the tailgate and........smashed the rear window.

My poor old ventilated motor is now dahn the “windscreen” place awaiting delivery of a new rear exit window-that’ll teach me.

Allegedly HMRC is being a naughty dept

A highly controversial tax deal which cost the public purse billions may have been illegal, according to allegations being examined by a powerful parliamentary committee.

The public accounts committee is considering claims from a whistleblower who says that an agreement to waive a potential tax bill of up to £7bn from Vodafone may have been outside the powers of HM Revenue and Customs (HMRC).

Separately, the whistleblower has also claimed that an agreement that HMRC officials claimed let the US-based bank Goldman Sachs off less than £10m was actually worth about £20m to taxpayers.

The committee wants to commission a QC to examine the allegations in depth.

The move could cause further problems for Dave Hartnett, the head of HMRC, who has admitted making mistakes while settling high-yield tax disputes with multinational companies.

A spokesman for HMRC said: "We are entirely confident that our approach to large business tax settlements is the right one. This approach has brought in more than £13bn from large businesses since 2006.

Make your bloody minds up.....

And our caring, sharing Piss Poor Policies Millionaires Club Coalition

Has decided that cancer patients undergoing chemotherapy will be forced to prove they are not fit to work or face their benefits being cut, under Government proposals.

Sufferers will have to undergo medical tests and interviews or lose their entitlements, which are worth up to £100 a week.

The proposals, which include testing for those receiving radiotherapy treatment are included in a report to ministers.

The report’s author, Prof Malcolm Harrington, is the government’s official adviser on reforming welfare payments for the sick.

I give up....

Over in one of the lands that used to have money

Schoolchildren in Catalonia are the latest victims of austerity cuts with authorities instructing them to limit their use of lavatory paper in a bid to save money.

The north-eastern region has been ordered to rein in its deficit and has embarked on a series of stringent austerity cuts.

The latest edict issued by the region’s ministry of education instructs state schools to cut “excessive consumption” of toilet roll among pupils and limit the quota to a maximum of 25 metres per child per month.

Good job that shirts have tails...

Back in Blighty

Sutton Council is drafting in a crack team of Sussex cattle to look after the rare chalk grasslands of Roundshaw Downs.

The cattle, one of the UK's oldest breeds, will be tasked with keeping weeds and shrubs away from the borough's largest nature reserve. It was feared the weeds could potentially overrun the downs, which is vital to harbouring wild flowers, insects and ground-nesting birds like skylarks.

Councillor Colin Hall, environment spokesman, said: “This is an innovative way of helping to preserve Sutton’s rare chalk grasslands. The Downs can support up to 50 different species of plants within one square metre, and bringing in grazing cattle will help the plants and animals that live there to flourish.

“It’s also a great way of bringing a little bit of the countryside into the city, and will give local children the chance to see farmyard animals right on their doorsteps.”

Spiffing-and the bonus is that free school milk will be available......

Somewhere over the rainbow

Tyree Callahan has invented a machine that can create pictures by swapping the ink on the typewriter keys for oil paint. 

The artist got the idea for his ‘chromatic typewriter’ after experimenting with another machine as he struggled with a watercolour in his studio. 

‘I have an old Olivetti typewriter lying around and I thought to add some text to the watercolour,’ he said. 

‘I rolled the watercolour into the carriage and started typing and that’s when the inspiration struck. I knew that an older typewriter would be ideal for the project.’


Tyree chose a 1937 Underwood Standard typewriter to create his prototype. 

But he had to first spend more than three weeks cleaning the model, which he bought at an antique shop.

Isn’t that why they invented printers...

And finally: 

East to the land of expensive car crashes

Trucks known as Dekotora or Decotora, an abbreviation for 'decoration truck' have appeared to raise money for a Japanese children’s charity.

Families in Japan can spend months fitting each vehicle with about £100,000 of eye-catching bling.

They feature so many light bulbs that extra generators have to be fitted under the lorry’s chassis to power them.

The generators can only be switched on for about 20 minutes before they overheat.

Some Lorries feature ‘tusks’ made of protruding lights. Others are decked out in themes, including one green ‘monster truck’.

Inside, the effect is just as grandiose with one cavernous interior featuring a carpeted dashboard – covered in wallpaper – and complete with an enormous glass chandelier.

Hundreds of the gaudy Lorries flock to meetings where owners show off and swap tips.

Shame they weren’t about when those Numptys in the Ferraris managed to “lose control”.

That’s it: I’m orf to look for Squamanita paradoxa 

And today’s thought:

Angus