Wrong type of health care: Wrong type of wind: Wrong type of water: Cranky croc: Happy Easter: and dented Sainsburys.

Moistish, muggyish and a smidge moody at the Castle this morn, work on the defunct do dahs dawdling in the study will commence tomorrow and now that his Maj has figured out how to use the cat flap he has decided to tear in and out of it every ten seconds or so. 

I see that Kim Jung more than IL is being planted this morn

Allegedly tens of thousands of soldiers bowed their heads as a giant portrait of Mr Kim was carried slowly through the streets.

His successor and third son, Kim Jung-un, walked beside the hearse, images from state television showed.  

Wonder how ronery the new leader will be.....

And our Piss Poor Policies Millionaires Club Coalition

Has come up with a cunning plan to balls up our NHS even more, hospitals will be allowed to earn up to half of their income from private work, it was reported today.

The current cap on income generated from private patients is typically limited to just a few percent but is set to rise to 49% in a move slipped out by the Government last week, according to The Times.

According to knobhead Health Secretary Andrew Lansley "Lifting the private income cap for foundation hospitals will directly benefit NHS patients.

"If these hospitals earn additional income from private work that means there will be more money available to invest in NHS services.

And for every private patient treated there will be an NHS patient that can’t be treated....because the Doctor will be busy earning even more money.

And:

Wind farm operators are on course to earn up to £10 million this year for turning off their turbines.

Official figures disclosed that 17 operators were paid almost £7 million for shutting down their farms on almost 40 ­occasions between January and mid-September. Continuing to make payments at that rate would lead to householders paying out £9.9 million in 2011 for operators to disconnect their turbines from the National Grid.

The scale of the payments triggered a review of the rules on so-called constraint payments. The payments are made when too much electricity floods the grid, with the network unable to absorb any excess power generated. The money is ultimately added on to household bills and paid for by consumers.

Last year, only £176,788 of such payments were made, but changes in the way the National Grid, which supplies energy to retail companies, “balances” the electricity network have meant a huge expansion in their use.

The rules meant that some renewable energy companies were paid more to switch off their turbines than they would have received from ordinary operations.

The wrong type of Leccy...so much for “green energy”.

Dahn Unda

A freight train was swept off a bridge during flooding caused by a cyclone in northern Australia.

The two drivers were rescued after being trapped in the vehicle and were flown to hospital in Katherine, south of Darwin, it was reported.

The Edith River Bridge collapsed and some carriages from the derailed train floated downstream in the incident, a local MP told ABC News.

Environmental authorities in the Northern Territory are believed to be investigating if chemicals from the 20-car iron ore train leaked in the flooded river.

Heavy rain from Cyclone Grant led to isolated flooding in the territory, cutting off roads as drivers became stranded.

One couple climbed on to their car roof after the vehicle stalled but they were swept along into the Edith River.

They clung to a tree branch until they were rescued.

Now that is the wrong type of rain.....

Still in the land of hollow wooden tubes

A giant saltwater crocodile named Elvis with an apparent affinity for household machinery charged at an Australian reptile park worker Wednesday before stealing his lawn mower.

Tim Faulkner, operations manager at the Australian Reptile Park, north of Sydney, was one of three workers tending to the lawn in Elvis' enclosure when he heard reptile keeper Billy Collett let out a yelp. Faulkner looked up to see the 16-foot (5-meter), 1,100-pound (500-kilogram) crocodile lunging out of its lagoon at Collett, who warded the creature off with his mower.

"Before we knew it, the croc had the mower above his head," Faulkner said. "He got his jaws around the top of the mower and picked it up and took it underwater with him."

The workers quickly left the enclosure. Elvis, meanwhile, showed no signs of relinquishing his new toy and sat guarding it closely all morning.

Eventually, Faulkner realized he had no other choice but to go back in after the mower.

Collett lured Elvis to the opposite end of the lagoon with a heaping helping of kangaroo meat while Faulkner plunged, fully clothed, into the water. Before grabbing the mower, however, he had to search the bottom of the lagoon for two 3-inch (7-centimeter) teeth Elvis lost during the encounter. He quickly found them and escaped from the pool, unharmed and with mower in tow.

 

I’ve heard some weird excuses for not mowing the lawn, but that takes the Kangaroo meat...

Over to one of the European lands

Hashim Thaci, the prime minister of Kosovo, made a major error over the Christmas period, by wishing all Catholics a happy Easter rather than a merry Christmas.

In his festive statement, which was distributed by his office, he said that Easter is the most important holiday in the Catholic world.

He went on to congratulate the official Vatican and all Catholics on the occasion of the resurrection of Christ, rather than his birth.

The prime minister went on to say that he hoped the Easter festivities would bring the Kosovan Catholics 'more warmth, hope and success' as well as 'progress in society, harmony and peace'.

When officials in the prime minister's office noticed the error a second statement appeared on Thaci's official website, offering glad tidings over the festive period.

Nice to see that another country has a Prime Monster with his head up his arse....

And finally: 

Back in Ronery Blighty

A couple who completed a 33,000-mile trip around the world in a rare 1956 Bristol 405 Drophead Coupeclassic car came back to England to find a ''large dent'' in the side after leaving it in a supermarket car park.

Geoffrey and Hilary Herdman, who are both retired, took 16 months to complete the trip that they described as a ''wrinkly gap year''.

Their drive around the world was made in a 1956 Bristol 405 Drophead Coupe, of which only 42 were made.

Despite encountering some of the toughest roads in the world without any problems, it was when they got home and parked the Bristol in a Sainsbury's car park that they ran into trouble.

Having popped into the supermarket they returned to their prized car and found that another motorist had dented it.

 

Sod’s law....

 

That’s it: I’m orf to have a poke at my deep sea vent 

And today’s thought:

Angus  

And so that was Crimbo.

And what did I done....went to see my god daughter/partner/one year old great nephew/ various parents/ sisters/other in laws and random “young people”, listened to “music” for twenty something’s/got a headache broke my new toof on a walnut, listened to several choruses of “all I want for Crimbo is me two front teef” from the assembled masses, laughed until I nearly soiled myself-one year old great nephew already had, went home after more than several hours, cooked my Crimbo dinner in a box”-very tasty with the added veggies, fell onto the sofa and snoozed the rest of the day away with his Maj stretched out on my lap.

All in all a great day-orf to the dentist on Wednesday (hopefully).

I see that old fart Phil the Greek is still in ‘orspital

And was probably more than a bit miffed not to get the chance to blast any feathered thing that had the temerity to take orf for the annual bloodbath up in Sandringham.

Never mind there’s always next year-maybe....

And the usual Crimbo suspects still abound:

Over to the left

A convicted Numpty accidentally shot himself in the leg on Christmas Eve, police said.

New Haven officers arrived at 166 Thompson Street shortly after 10 p.m. Saturday to a report of a person shot during a robbery attempt. They found Darrel Johnson, 51 suffering from a gunshot wound to the leg.

After speaking to the victim, Johnson changed his story and told police he had actually shot himself. It turns out Johnson had forgotten he transferred his pistol from his pants pocket to his waistband, and during a trip to the bathroom, the gun fell, hitting the toilet and discharging, police said. The bullet struck him in the leg.

Police said Johnson told them he had recently acquired the gun for personal protection. As a convicted felon, Johnson will face several charges for possession a firearm, according to the rozzers.

Shame it didn’t hit him about three inches higher-in the brain...

Back to the garden of Blighty

Last year’s Crimbo crim.

Police found a large cannabis plant resembling a Christmas tree -- complete with brightly-coloured baubles -- while conducting a raid on Ian Richards home last December.

A judge sentenced Richards to 18 months behind bars for drug offences last month, a police spokesman told The Guardian newspaper on Friday.

Investigating officer Darren Dennett told the paper that "by using a 5 foot tall cannabis plant as a Christmas tree, Richards showed a total disregard for the law."

He said that one of the bedrooms in Richards' home had been "transformed into a very sophisticated cannabis factory.

"He claimed the plants were for his own personal use but the factory clearly had the potential to produce a large quantity of cannabis."

Cannabis Crimbo....

Still in eccentric England

A beauty therapist, who used to be called Charlotte Price, said she is obsessed with the colour pink. She mostly wears pink, lives in a house decorated in pink and works in a pink salon.

And is now known as Pink Sparkly And All Things Nice after changing her name by deed poll for a tenner.

The mother of three boys goes by the shortened version Pink Nice but admits many people still her by her old name. "My mum thinks I'm a bit mad really and so do my children. They stick to 'Mum'."

Other name Numptys are: Daniel Knox-Hewson, 23, and Kelvin Borbidge, 22, also of Nottingham.

The pair who work in a pub together changed their names with the Legal Deed Poll Service for £10 each and are believed to both have the longest names in the UK

Name Numpty number one is Knox-Hewson who renamed himself Emperor Spiderman Gandalf Wolverine Skywalker Optimus Prime Goku Sonic Xavier Ryu Cloud Superman Heman Batman Thrash.

And name Numpty number two:

Kelvin Borbidge now goes by Baron Venom Balrog Sabretooth Vader Megatron Vegeta Robotnik Magneto Bison Sephiroth Lex Luthor Skeletor Joker Grind



Waste of a Maj’s head brownish silver striped paper bank note.

Staying in the land of running and swimming

Some of the girls from Team GB will be raising temperatures after stripping down to some saucy lingerie to pose for a charity calendar.

Hollie Avil, Lani Belcher, Imogen Cairns, Jenna Hawkey, Vicki Hawkins, Katy Livingston, Rosie Morris, Jenna Randall, Nicola Sanders, Francesca Snell and Jess Walker are getting their kit orf for Wellbeing of Women, an organisation that is dedicated to improving the health of women and babies, and is available for £9.99 at www.nicholedecarle.com.

Already paid by Paypal....

And finally:

A Crimbo pressie for some people in the land to the East that used to be much bigger

Fragments of a Russian satellite that failed to launch properly have landed in a street named after cosmonauts in a remote Siberian village, reports say.

The Meridian communications satellite failed to reach orbit on Friday.

Parts crashed into the Novosibirsk region of central Siberia and were found in the Ordynsk district around 100km (60 miles) south of the regional capital, Novosibirsk.

Galactic Crimbo?

That’s it: I’m orf to look for some fairy shrimps at the bottom of the garden

And today’s thought:

Angus.

Old fart gets stented: Cost of Crimbo: Confiscated cupcake: Evicted snap: and the twelve days of Irish.

A cold, damp and slightly dismal start to the last sleep day before Crimbo at the Castle this morn, I have stuffed so many fat teenagers into the furnace that the Elfandsafety elves have been round to complain about the amount of smoke coming from the chimney, his Maj is eagerly awaiting the arrival of a big fat bloke in a funny red suit and this will be the last post for a few days. 

But I would like to wish all the visitors and commenter’s who were unlucky enough to happen on my Piss Poor blog, and blogosphere friends a very happy Crimbo and a merry new year (after all it couldn’t be any worse than this one...can it?).

Apparently a ninety year old has been airlifted to hospital for heart surgery

Phil the Greek is in Papworth after suffering from chest pains at Sandringham, the palace said that following tests the duke was found to have a blocked coronary artery which had caused his chest pains.

This was treated successfully by the minimally invasive procedure of coronary stenting.

And as the old git lays there being waited on hand and foot I hope he has a think about the thousands of “older” people who are going to have to wait for a year or so to have their damaged hips replaced, their dodgy knees done and other bits repaired.

But he probably won’t; especially if the “staff” comes from foreign climes....

Allegedly:

If you do the 12 days of Crimbo thing

It will cost $101,000, an annual Christmas "price guide" says.

The "price tag" for all 364 items and services in each of the song's verses breaks $100,000 for the first time this year, the Christmas Price Index released for the 28th year by PNC Wealth Management, part of the PNC Financial Services Group, said.

The prices included nine ladies dancing at $6,294 and 11 pipers piping at $2,427.60.

And if you can't afford the $2,629.90 for the 12 drummers drumming, there's always that partridge -- although that's up this year to $15.

And that pear tree will run you $169.

Not too bad, I reckon that works out at about £64,421.39 for the lot in English, that’s only about twenty year’s money if you are unemployed....

Meanwhile the Crimbo spirit is thriving over to the left

A woman who just flew back home from Las Vegas says an airport security officer confiscated her frosted cupcake because he thought the icing on it could be a security risk.

Rebecca Hains said the Transportation Security Administration agent at McCarran International Airport took her cupcake Wednesday, telling her its frosting was enough like a gel to violate TSA restrictions on allowing liquids and gels onto flights to prevent them from being used as explosives. She said the agent told her the frosting was conforming to the jar it was inside.

Hains, who lives in Peabody, just north of Boston, said the agent didn't seem concerned that the cupcake could actually be explosive, just that it fit some bureaucratic definition about what was prohibited. She said he even offered to let her eat it away from the airport security area.
The TSA, which is entrusted with protecting the nation's transportation system, was reviewing the situation, agency spokesman Nico Melendez said. Passengers are allowed to take cakes and cupcakes through checkpoints, he said.


Apart from this time apparently.

Still in the land of the evicted and the home of the free

A pair of grandparents in Indiana were kicked out of a mall for taking photos - of their grandson.

Debbie Cassella and Don Oberloh were at the University Park Mall just outside of South Bend, Ind., on Tuesday with their five-year-old grandson who was visiting from California, local TV news outlet WNDU reports.

The couple had planned to take their grandson to see Santa at the mall, and were sitting in the mall's food court when Oberloh snapped a photo of their grandson, the station reported.

That's when a mall employee told them to stop taking pictures or risk getting thrown out of the mall.

"I thought she was joking and I said, 'I'm taking a picture of my grandson,'" Oberloh told WNDU. "I'd understand if I was taking pictures of the architecture or the products in the stores and she became a little hostile and aggressive."

Oberloh asked to speak to the mall's manager but security staff came and asked him to leave instead, he told the station.

A spokesperson for the mall told WNDU that mall managers are investigating the incident, and noted that the mall does have a policy prohibiting photography.

Sounds like the security staff were a bit “snappy”...

And finally:
 

The Irish version of the twelve days.

That’s it: I’m orf to raise the drawbridge, lower the portcullis, man the murder holes and boil the oil in case the carol singers come round.

And today’s thought:

Angus

Silly Billy for PM: Slumped Wallpaper : Gritty skid: Bad snaps: Barnsley Brussels: and the dancing Crimbo safety demo.

Warmish, wettish and wobblyish at the Castle this two sleeps to go morn, the Crimbo shopping is all sorted-one Crimbo meal in a box, a parsnip, six mince pies, custard, a bit of Crimbo cake and a partridge in a pear tree.

I have treated myself to a new “smart phone” which runs on android 2.2; I will let you know how good it is when I have worked out how to turn it on.

I staggered into the garden yesterday and believe it or not there are snowdrops in flower!

And the interweb thingy is still dropping in and out-I still blame the Government.

And talking of the Piss Poor Policies Millionaires Club Coalition

According to (I will never take a Lordship) John (I really needed a new fake beam on my house) Prescott if U-Turn Cam pops his clogs Silly Billy Hague is the most likely candidate to fill his boots.

Oh joy.....

 

Allegedly:

Son of a B.....aronet (and alien reptile in disguise) George (we are all in this together) Osborne’s family business is having a bit of a slump.

Osborne & Little, the luxury wallpaper and furnishings firm run by Sir Peter Osborne, the Chancellor's father, has posted a loss and predicted tough trading conditions ahead.

The £32.8m turnover company, which has glamorous showrooms on the Kings Road in London and in Paris, Munich and Milan, paid one director £736,000 in salary and pension contributions.

But no dividend was distributed to its shareholders, led by Sir Peter Osborne, who founded the firm with his brother-in-law Antony Little in 1968. George Osborne retains a 15pc stake via a trust.

Sir Peter, the 17th holder of a hereditary baronetcy, said the rise in raw material prices had reduced its gross margins to 53pc and that had directly led to the loss.

Osborne & Little made use of its banking facilities with HSBC, drawing more heavily on its invoice financing and its overdraft during the year. The overdraft is up for renewal in January and the directors said they were confident the bank would renew the facilities.

Oh dear what a shame....

North of the border

A runaway gritter hit black ice, skidded down a hill and crashed into the garden of an Inverness home.

Audrey Barnett, 40, was woken by a loud noise on Tuesday morning and found the vehicle embedded in the front garden of her home.

The gritter’s crew was unhurt, although a neighbour’s car was also damaged in the crash.

“I heard a loud bang, and thought, this sounds close. I looked out of the window and there was a snow plough sitting in my garden,” Mrs Barnett said. “It had bashed into my next door neighbour’s car, then through the dividing fence and completely taken out the top half of my garden.

“I could see two shocked men in the plough. They opened the doors, and the driver got out and fell on the ice before they came over.”

Having offered what help they could and given Mrs Barnett a council phone number to ring, the men then reversed the vehicle and left. Highland Council officials visited her house on Tuesday and confirmed they would rebuild the garden and foot the bill.

Ironic or what....

Still in slippery Blighty

Photography tuition company Red Cloud has launched the contest to find the country’s most inept snapper.

Entrants have included blurred faces, missed animal shots and extreme close-ups that go so far they miss the subject.

Organisers said they want to prove even the most hapless photographer can be turned into a budding pro.

‘We think everyone has the potential to take great photos with a little help and training,’ said Red Cloud founder Lee Brown.

Pictures should be submitted, with the photographer’s permission, to badpics@redclouddays.co.uk before the end of February.

Competition entries can be viewed at www.redclouddays.co.uk, where people will be able to vote for their favourite ‘worst’ image.

 

Already sent in my entry...

 

And still in non white Crimbo Blighty

Andy Simpson says his new delicacy of Brussels coated in finest Belgian chocolate are selling like hot cakes at just 25p each.

Andy, who has a store at the Elsecar Heritage Centre, near Barnsley, South Yorks, came up with the idea while on one of his regular visits to schools, where he teaches pupils about the origins of their favourite treat.

The 49-year-old said: "I am always looking for something new and with Christmas approaching Brussels sprouts immediately popped into my mind.

"I decided to try them out on customers and they are proving popular and I'm hoping to sell a lot more to people looking for something a little different to have with their Christmas dinner.

"I know Brussels sprouts are a bit like Marmite, you either love them or loathe them. I like them, they are a nice chocolatey shape but I must admit they are an acquired taste."

 Think I’ll pass on that one.

And finally:

East to the land of not a happy Crimbo

Cabin crew from a Philippine airliner who danced to fame after incorporating Lady Gaga into their safety demo have learnt a new routine set to Mariah Carey's All I Want For Christmas.

Manila-based Cebu Pacific airline gained fame by dancing through their safety routine to the backing of Lady Gaga, but this time have updated it for the festive holiday period.

The Philippine airline says the choreographed dance helps passengers pay more attention to the demonstration, which instructs passengers of how to use their seat belts and life jackets.

Candice Iyog, an airline spokesman, said: "Now that it's Christmas, we wanted to bring a little more fun into the flight."

They haven’t been watching the news have they...

 That’s it: I’m orf to count the toes on a Jumbo

And today’s thought:

Angus

Broken chips: Paper power: Groin ball: Watching paint dry: Pandabare: and Simple French.

Moist and muggy at the Castle this morn, just got back from Tesco on the stale bread, gruel and pussy food run-the place was absolutely heaving (before seven of the am) with lunatics grabbing everything in sight and filling up two or three trolleys, and they will be open again just after Crimbo. 

As our beloved Piss Poor Policies Millionaires Club Coalition is on its Crimbo hols there is no one to take the piss out of so a truncated post this ‘two sleeps’ to go morn.

So a bit of science to start with. 

 “Scientists” across the pond have come up with ‘self healing chips’

Electronic that is not the starchy kind; they have created a circuit that heals itself when cracked thanks to the release of liquid metal which restores conductivity.

The process takes less than the blink of an eye to bring the circuit back to use.

The researchers said that their work could eventually lead to longer-lasting gadgets as well as solving one of the big problems of interplanetary travel.

The work was carried out by a team of scientists and engineers at the University of Illinois at Urbana-Champaign and is published in the journal Advanced Materials.

I hope they solder on with it..... 

And:

Over to the East more than a whimsy

Sony has unveiled a paper-powered battery prototype in Japan.

The technology generates electricity by turning shredded paper into sugar which in turn is used as fuel.

If brought to market, the innovation could allow the public to top up the power of their mobile devices using waste material.

The Japanese electronics giant showed off its invention at the Eco-Products exhibition in Tokyo last week.

Employees invited children to drop piece of paper and cardboard into a liquid made up of water and enzymes, and then to shake it. The equipment was connected to a small fan which began spinning a few minutes later.

The process works by using the enzyme cellulase to decompose the materials into glucose sugar. These were then combined with oxygen and further enzymes which turned the material into electrons and hydrogen ions.

The electrons were used by the battery to generate electricity, water and the acid gluconolactone, which is commonly used in cosmetics, were created as by-products.

Finally found a use for all the junk mail that vomits through the portcullis.

Still in the land of surprise attacks

Groin Ball is a game that supposedly originated in Japan, is played by men, and obviously involves the hitting of man veg.

Two teams involved in a game of Groin Ball each consist of two players – a ball thrower and a target player. The target players of each team face each other, holding on to the other’s shoulders. Their feet need to be shoulder-width apart, all through the game. A supply of tennis balls is provided to each of the throwers, who have to hurl them between the legs of the target players, aiming of course, at the groin. The balls hit the ground and then bounce up to smash into the groin of the opposing target player.

Sounds like a load of old bollocks to me……

And back in ballsed up Blighty

The excitement is growing for the wondrous event to take place next year, no not the overpriced Olympics but the first ever World Watching Paint Dry Championships:

A spokesman for the organisers LocalTraders.com said: 'We’ve all heard the phrase, "I’d rather watch paint dry" and so we have decided the time has come to give people the chance to do so, for as long as they can bear.

'You don’t need to be physically fit or participate in a vigorous training regime, what’s more important is mental strength, concentration and endurance.

'Previous paint-watching experience isn’t essential, but a bit of practice might help prepare contestants for the mammoth task ahead of them.'

Watching paint dry on a mammoth; that does sound exciting....anyway if the idea of watching dulux harden floats your boat you can sign up Here.

Back across the salty thing on the left

A west Florida community is spending $3,800 in tax dollars to entice naked Germans to spend their summer vacations there.

The advertising grant was awarded Tuesday by the Pasco County commission to Pandabare, a local nudist organization representing 16 resorts, campgrounds and clubs located in the largely rural county north of Tampa.

The ads, to be placed in European publications, will promote the county's longstanding reputation as the nudist capital of America.

"The idea is to create a Euro-bird season in July and August which are our worst two months of the year," said Eric Keaton, public communications manager for the Pasco County tourist development agency. Keaton said nudism contributes to the county's economy, but he had no figures to quantify its impact.

The first target market for the ad campaign will be Germany which, according to Pandabare's application, is "a large and lucrative market whose millions of nudists are among the world's most prolific travellers." The group also anticipates a campaign aimed at British nudists.

Roll on next July then....but whatever you do don’t go to the Pandabare site...

And finally:

Over to the right a bit

An official body that includes government ministers and a representative of the Academie Francaise, the eminent French language institution, issued a new set of rules to simplify the spellings of many words, either to bring them in line with pronunciation or to eliminate exceptions.

The changes were made in 1990 — but French media are just getting wind of them.

For example, "aout" (August) drops the pointy circumflex accent over the "u''. "Baby-sitter" gets Frenchified into "babysitteur." Bonhomie, which has come into English with that spelling, becomes bonhommie — to reflect its root "homme" (man).

Both the new and old spellings remain acceptable, but the new ones are supposed to be taught in schools, so they will eventually — in theory — replace the old.

Unfortunately few people seem to know about them, many are opposed, and most school texts don't use the new spellings. Even the Academie Francaise itself has chosen to include only some of the new spellings at the end of its dictionary — explaining that it would like to wait it out and see which spellings are adopted in general usage before giving its official blessing.

When television stations became aware of the "new" rules last month, they sent reporters out into the streets to test the French. Very few identified the new spellings as the correct ones — they all looked so strange! — Though frequent, significant hesitations underscored how difficult even the French find it to spell their own words.

I have enough trouble with English spelling, vive la coquilles.

That’s it: I’m orf to update my login

And today’s thought:

Angus

Leaf power: Dutch bird flu: Croissant crim: Lambo Numpty: Duck a’la Fluffy: and F*****g Crimbo.

Moist, muggy and moody at the Castle this morn, the study remains replete with confused computers, and his Maj has discovered the joy of jumping on my lap, passing wind and then jumping orf and walking away... 

The interweb thingy is a touch faster today-I blame the Government....

 

Not a lot of “proper” news this Wednesday so here are some fill ins.

East to the place that is still glowing in the dark

Car manufacturer Nissan has unveiled new technology that allows an electric vehicle to power a home.

It has developed a system in which its new electric car, the Leaf, can be plugged into a house to provide it with another source of energy. The company’s Smart Home Charging technology is designed to encourage consumers to move away from using electricity provided by the main grid and use their car for more than just motoring.

At the heart of this energy drive is the Nissan Leaf (Leading, Environmentally friendly, Affordable, Family car). In a recent demonstration at the Tokyo Motor Show, Nissan showed how the car can power a home by being connected to a power control system box (PCS) that is hooked up to the property.

In the demonstration, the Leaf was powering a specially-designed Smart House but Nissan is confident the technology could be used with existing homes. The power control system box will go on sale at the end of March next year in Japan, where more than 8,000 Leafs have been sold since the car launched in December 2010. The box will cost more than £4,000.

Absolute bollocks, the “power inverter” has been around for decades, you can even buy one from Sainsburys.

Over to the place full of very tall people and very stupid “scientists”

A deadly strain of bird flu with the potential to infect and kill millions of people has been created in a laboratory by European scientists – who now want to publish full details of how they did it.

The discovery has prompted fears within the US Government that the knowledge will fall into the hands of terrorists wanting to use it as a bio-weapon of mass destruction.

Some scientists are questioning whether the research should ever have been undertaken in a university laboratory, instead of at a military facility.

The US Government is now taking advice on whether the information is too dangerous to be published.

No shit-what is the matter with these “people”....

Across the channel to our friends' place

French police are on the hunt for a man in his forties who has held up a series of bakeries in Paris suburbs to steal croissants and other baked goods.

Since December 9, the man has robbed five bakeries in the western suburbs of the French capital, police said; each time using the same modus operandi.

After placing an order, the man holds up what appears to be a fake revolver, points it at the person behind the cash register and takes his pastries without paying.

No one has been injured in the robberies and in each case the value of the goods stolen has been low, at between eight and 20 Euros (£7 and £17).

And I thought that man cannot live by bread alone....

Left to the land of the fast and the home of the insurance claim

Utah resident David Dopp the Frito-Lay truck driver won a green Lamborghini Murciélago LP640 Roadster, the grand prize in the "Joe Schmo To Lambo" contest operated by Maverik gas stations and teamgive.org last month.

And of course the inevitable happened; Less than six hours after taking delivery of the Lamborghini, Dopp lost control of the 640-horsepower Italian, hopped a curb and spun it into an embankment 75 feet from the road.

Police say the accident was likely "speed-related," although Dopp reportedly says he was only doing 40-50 mph when he lost control of the car on a section of road with a 35-mph speed limit. Dopp maintains he might have hit some black ice or gravel.

 

Or he could just be a Numpty....

Dahn Unda

Fluffy the crocodile was tasting down arriving on vet Doug English's operating table 10 days ago.

The 1.3m saltie was found near death by the roadside, clenching a recently caught duck between her sizable jaws after being hit by a bus at Yorkeys Knob.

After noticing the injured reptile about midnight, a local farmer braved the crocodile’s feisty temperament and loaded her in his car.

Dr English had to act quickly to save the croc during an early-morning emergency surgery that lasted almost two hours.

"Its guts were all ruptured and spilling out the side – we had to do the surgery straight away otherwise she would’ve died," he said.

Clinic staff were pleased to see her bite return after the surgery.

 

Wonder who Yorkey is, and what happened to the duck.....

And finally:

In the land of Hitler’s birth

Residents of the Austrian town of F***ing have given up trying to live down their name and are cashing in with a range of Christmas cards.

Locals have given up on trying to discourage visitors from making fun of the name and have instead decided to turn it into an asset.

As well as the sell-out 'F***ing Christmas cards', local businesses are also doing a roaring trade with 'F***ing beer' and a range of 'F***ing' souvenirs.

The village's name is understood to come from a sixth century noble called Lord Focko, with 'ing' being old-fashioned German for 'family of'.

Local mayor Franz Meindl had previously complained about tourists flocking to the village to be photographed in front of the 'F***ing' road signs. 

He said: "They have been a nuisance for years, some even strip off naked, and the worst steal the 'F***ing' signs. They think it’s funny but a new 'F***ing' sign is expensive.

"There is nothing funny in the name to us. If other people laugh about it, there is nothing we can do. But we pronounce it differently in our dialect and it was never funny in any way."

In the end the village concreted the poles in place and welded the signs in tight to stop them being pinched.

The villagers even had a debate about whether to change the name but decided in the end to keep their name after learning that the nearby German village of W**k had developed a flourishing tourism business.

No sense of humour, no wonder they never watched “allo, allo”-fucking wankers.....

That’s it: I’m orf to put some pressure on Iron oxide. 

And today’s thought:

Angus

Bankers carry on: Tesco upsets the God Botherers: No more Rudolf: Double yellow Norfolk Numptys: Deep fried butters balls: and a Jetnapping in the flat lands.

Wet, unwindy and warm at the Castle this morn, the study is still holding on to many, many mangled machines and his Maj has discovered the joy of ambush.

The interweb thingy is exceedingly slow this Tuesday, I blame the Government...

It seems that

Son of a B.....aronet (and reptilian alien in disguise) George (I can count my good policies on the fingers on my head) Osborne has taken a leaf out of U-Turn Cam’s very large book by doing a 180 to spare banks the full impact of reforms.

In a Commons statement, the knobhead said legislation will require UK banks to "ring-fence" their high-street banking operations and increase their capital buffers. But our beloved “chancellor” also said the stricter capital regime would fall short of what Sir John Vickers' Independent Commission on Banking (ICB) proposed in its report.

Tosspot Osborne said primary and secondary legislation to implement the retail ring-fence will be completed by the end of the Parliament in May 2015. But the actual date for the implementation of the structural overhaul was left vague.

A bit like the rest of the Piss Poor Policies Millionaires Club Coalitions record to date...

And apparently: 

My favourite retailer has managed to piss orf “good Christians”

Religious groups are boycotting Tesco after a senior executive at the supermarket giant described Christians as “evil” for opposing gay marriage.

Nick Lansley, Tesco’s head of research and development, said he was actively taking a stand “against evil Christians” who opposed the right of same-sex couples to marry.

In a message on his profile page on Flickr.com, he said: “I’m…campaigning against evil Christians (that’s not all Christians, just bad ones) who think that gay people should not lead happy lives and get married to their same-sex partners.”

The remarks, which have now been removed from the photo sharing website, caused outrage among Christian groups, who said they would refuse to shop in the chain’s stores in protest.

That’ll cheer up the atheists, shorter queues and more stuff to go round.

Harvey Nicks has sold out of Rudolf pate

An animal-rights group's campaign to rid the shelves of Harvey Nichols of reindeer pate has backfired -- the store has now sold out of the canned delicacy.

Viva -- Vegetarians International Voice for Animals -- drew attention to the Edible brand reindeer pate being sold at the grocer with a campaign calling for Britons to "politely complain" to Harvey Nichols to get the reindeer pate off the shelves.

The pate, which is branded as a "farm-raised relative of Rudolph" and an indulgent winter treat, is made from Swedish Arctic reindeer meat, cognac and spices, according to the listing for the product on Edible's website.

Bugger, I have already bought my train ticket to London and a new tin opener....

Still in banjaxed Blighty

Norwich has become home to what is believed to be Britain's shortest set of double yellow lines.

The lines - measuring just 17in (43cm) - are between a new permit parking area in the waiting zone in Stafford Street.

Norwich city councillor Bert Bremner admitted the lines may have been unnecessary, but said a developer paid for the road marking, so no cost was incurred by the council.

'They were put down to make things clearer for permit holders, but in hindsight perhaps they weren't needed.

'Local people said it was not obvious where the dividing line was so a decision was made to put in a small section of double yellow lines. I wish they weren't there

'As a councillor you are expected to do many things for residents but getting into the Guinness Book of Records for the shortest set of double yellow lines isn't one I anticipated.'

Be careful what you wish for Norfolk Numpty...

North of the border

Chefs have created a calorific treat to rival the deep-fried Mars Bar – deep-fried butter balls.

The snack, already popular in the United States, has been given a Scottish twist as it is cooked in Irn-Bru batter.

Edinburgh bar The Fiddler’s Elbow is serving the pudding for what is thought to be the first time in Scotland.

The sticky dessert, called Braveheart Butter Bombs, is served with an Irn-Bru ice-cream and coulis.

While critics have dubbed deep-fried butter a “coronary on a plate”, the chefs said it should be safe in moderation.

So is Russian roulette...

And finally (after two hours):

Right a smidge to the land below sea level

A large model of an American jetfighter has mysteriously disappeared from a small Dutch museum and its owners are hoping pranksters rather than scrap metal thieves are responsible for what they call the “Jetnapping.”

Edwin van Brakel, chairman of the Museum Vliegbasis Deelen, says the non-working model of a Lockheed Starfighter was discovered missing Sunday morning.

He said Monday it is a mystery how thieves managed to move the scale model, which is about 10 meters (33 feet) long and weighs about 500 kilograms (1,100 pounds).

He says “it would not fit in the back of a Fiat 500.”

Or a transit.....Maybe Airfix could supply a replacement...

That’s it: I’m orf to take the mistletoe back

And today’s thought.

Angus