Fig-ure this: Dept of tax avoidance: You are what you eat: The knobs on the bus: Time to slow down: and the Dunollie Castle de-daws.

Sort of non atmospheric conditions at the Castle this morn-warmish, calm and dry with an iota of opaque wet stuff in the air, orf to Tesco on the stale bread, gruel and his Maj’s food run and I spent a couple of hours at my lovely young ladies (who trims my locks) house sorting out her computers yestermorn, nice to feel useful again...

Up in the Smoke

In the atrium of the £235 million portcullis house stand twelve weeping fig trees, they were rented from Plant Care UK for £32,500 a year, including maintenance and have so far cost us £400,000 in total.

 

Are they taking the piss or what....?

Still in iceberg infested Whitehall

Allegedly more than 25 senior Department of Health officials, some earning more than £250,000 a year, have had their salaries paid to limited companies, enabling them to reduce their tax bill, it has emerged.

Despite many of them being employed by the department for a number of years and in “very senior positions”, officials denied they were “civil servants".

The “problem” emerged when Ed Lester, the chief executive of the Student Loans Company, was able to avoid tens of thousands of pounds in income tax by having £182,000 a year paid to his private company.

According to leaked internal documents, the health staff earned almost £4.2 million in one year for their work with the department.

One contractor is said to have earned £273,375, while a further 19 officials were paid more than £100,000.

The majority of the “limited companies” are registered as business and management consultancies.

One Whitehall source said: “We cannot defend these arrangements, but it may be it is very common in Whitehall and this is just the tip of an iceberg.”

A “full audit” is now being conducted by the Treasury into the arrangements.

Don’t hold your breath...”all in this together”.

Left to the city of many lights

One Las Vegas man has painfully discovered that what you eat can have a big impact on your health.

The man was dining on a "triple bypass burger" in the The Heart Attack Grill in downtown Las Vegas when he suffered an apparent heart attack.

According to ‘Nurse’ Bridgett who was working at the restaurant when the man in his 40s began experiencing chest pains "He was having the sweats and shaking,"

The restaurant is known for not holding back on the food it serves. Signs around the business glorify bad eating habits and the menu includes items like Flatliner Fries, and Butterfat Milkshakes.

The "quadruple bypass burger" can easily exceed 8,000 calories.

Karma...my what big burgers that young lady has...

East to the land of more than enough people and not enough busses

A Route 815 public bus near the Beijing Guomao area was jam-packed. With the bus doors blocked by passengers, some passengers struggled to climb into the bus through the windows.

A traffic officer on the side tried to keep order without effect, and could only help stuff the passengers one by one into the bus. 15 minutes later, this severely overloaded Route 815 public bus finally set off.

Reminds me of my commuting to London days…

Back over to the land of the automobile and the home of the speed limit

Greg Smith noticed an unusual school zone speed sign in White Lake about three weeks ago.

“You practically have to come to a stop to read it,” said Smith, who lives nearby.

The sign lists six different times when drivers need to slow from 45 mph to 25 mph on about a mile of Bogie Lake Road near three schools.

“I’m thinking of printing out the speeds and attaching it to my dashboard.”

The sign — installed Jan. 12 — tells drivers that on school days, they need to slow down to 25 between 6:49-7:15, 7:52-8:22 and 8:37-9:07 during the mornings and 2:03-2:33, 3:04-3:34 and 3:59-4:29 during afternoons.

Bogie Lake Road: no it’s snot a joke....

And finally:

North to the nearly autonomous still part of Blighty bit

One of Scotland’s most romantic and historic ruins is to undergo a £1 million restoration programme – without disturbing the residents.

Dunollie Castle, which sits on a rocky crag above Oban Bay, is the iconic spot where the kings of Dalriada ruled the Western Isles in the seventh and eighth centuries and which later became a Clan MacDougall stronghold.

It is now home to an unusual colony of European cave spiders, which have made their nest in an opening in the eight-foot thick medieval castle walls.

The MacDougall of Dunollie Preservation Trust says its £1.1 million project to save Dunollie from the elements and the ravages of recent vandalism will make sure that the spider colony is protected.

Project director Catherine Gillies said: “We are going to have an ecologist with us and we need to decide what we do about our cave spiders. They are one of the largest spiders in the UK and are living inside a window opening, in the seven to eight feet thick castle walls. We hope we can leave them in peace.”

European cave spiders are shiny satin black to reddish brown in colour with adults reaching roughly a five centimetre leg span and 15 millimetre body length. They usually live in caves and tunnels away from the light.

Not in this Castle they won’t...

That’s it: I’m orf to cancel my Twitter account.

And today’s thought:

Angus

PAYG-NHS: Lording it over welfare: Kiviak: Texas motor massacre: Wood burning Volvo: and an “amphibious” house.

Gale is having a bit of a howl and dawn’s crack is nowhere in sight at the Castle this morn, the liquid metal in the gauge is slowly moving vertically and I have this urge to hang some onions around my neck and get on a bike.

According to “a leading academic”

Patients will have to pay for treatment that is currently free on the NHS under the Government's health bill.

Allyson Pollock, professor of public health at Barts and The London School of Medicine and Dentistry, said the Health and Social Care Bill had "a hidden purpose" which amounted to privatising health services in Britain.

Writing in The Lancet, she argued that ministers were intent on creating "a system that permits alternative funding sources for services currently provided free as part of the NHS".

She said the "heart" of the Bill, currently being debated in the Lords, was "to introduce a mixed financing system and to abolish the model of tax-financed universal health care on which the NHS is based".

Prof Pollock has consistently argued that the Bill will abolish the duty of the Health Secretary to provide a universal healthcare system free at the point of use.

It will potentially enable groups of GPs, who will be allowed to make profits from their practices, to exclude costly patients with numerous illnesses.

Their analysis - shared by many other opponents of the Bill - is fiercely disputed by ministers and supporters of the Bill who dismiss it as scaremongering.

The Prime Minister and Andrew Lansley, the Health Secretary, have both repeatedly insisted that the NHS will remain free to patients at the point of the delivery.

Print out the last sentence and keep it somewhere safe....

And once again the arse of Lords

Has kicked yet another Piss Poor Policy into touch-for a while...

Peers backed by 10 votes an amendment to the Welfare Reform Bill, overturning a move to cut payments to specific council tenants with one spare bedroom.

Ministers have already had to reverse several defeats over their proposals, which include capping benefits at £26,000 a year per household.

They want the bill, which is back in the Lords after being approved by the Commons, to enter into law soon.

Still not listening then Dave...

Up to the land that is green

Kiviak is a traditional winter foodstuff consumed by Greenlandic Intuits’.

To prepare this delicacy you will need one seal carcase and 400 Auks, then stuff said dead Auks complete with feet, beaks fathers and all into the hollowed out seal carcase, press all the air out of it  and bury it under a large rock pile for approximately 3-18 months.

When you are really, really hungry dig it up and eat it-preferable a long way from other Intuits’.

Num, num, num...

Left to the lone star State

Around 250,000 spectators gathered in Houston, to see over 300 wacky and crazy vehicles drive by, on May 8th. Dan Akroyd, star of “Ghost Busters” movies, as well as other famous comedies, was the one who kick-started the flamboyant event, in the cheers of the crowd.

Allegedly the Houston Art Car Parade brings together car enthusiasts and artists alike, featuring a selection of extremely modified cars that, despite all the adornments, still run beautifully.

Oh dear....

Back to frozen Europe

After the heater in his Volvo stopped working Pascal Prokop, who lives in Switzerland, caused a minor internet stir when photos of his stove-car near Mettmenstetten, a town 25 kilometres south of Zurich, began to circulate on Friday.

Prokop needed to get permissions from the Swiss Technical Inspection Authority to be able to drive it on the streets.

The car is now officially registered as a “Sedan with a wood oven.

With a nut behind the wheel…

And finally:

Back to the banks of the Thames

Architects have been granted permission to build Britain’s first amphibious house, the property is designed to be flood-proof as its pioneering design allows it to float on the surface when water levels rise.

The timber-framed three-bedroom property, due for completion this year, rests on a concrete hull to create a free-floating pontoon set in a dock made of four guideposts to keep it in place.

In the event of the river bursting its banks, the water pressure will unlock the home from the dock and allow it to float up to the water level.

The garden will also act as a natural early warning flood system, with terraces set at different levels designed to flood incrementally and alert the occupants well before the water reaches a threatening level.

With an estimated value of £1.5 million, it will cost around 25 per cent more to build than a conventional similar-sized home, but there should be major savings on insurance costs.

Wouldn’t just be easier and cheaper to build it on stilts?

That’s it: I’m orf to enrol in an automated course

And today’s thought:

Bottoms up

Angus

Another fine mess: Moody credit: Pickled squid: Swanning around: Real woodentops: No-no pussy: and Dogs are pants.

No deep, crisp or even at the castle this morn-the rain has washed it all away, the liquid metal in the gauge has begun its rise to the top, his Maj has decided that he would rather do his business in his litter tray than in the garden to keep his paws dry and the butler has taken a few well earned days rest.

The fallic glu is still hanging around-I have this urge to go on strike and then apply for the Presidential job...

And allegedly fraudulent insurance claims are pushing up our premiums

The economic climate is causing a rise in the number of exaggerated insurance claims, a survey suggests.

In the survey, 9% of people who said they had made a claim in the last five years said they had exaggerated it, typically adding £607 to the claim.


Earlier this year, the House of Commons Transport Select Committee said car insurance costs could be substantially reduced if claimants were made to provide more proof that they had suffered whiplash injuries.

Over the last six years, despite a 23% fall in the number of casualties caused by road accidents, there has been a 70% rise in motor insurance injury claims in the past six years, with the vast majority of them being claims of whiplash injury.

Maybe they should change the criteria for whiplash-if you are admitted to 'Orspital in such a position that you can see your own arsehole then that's a yes....

Up in the Smoke and further up to the bit above Suffolk

The Information Commissioner's Office (ICO) fined Croydon Council in south London £100,000 after papers containing details of a child sex abuse victim were stolen from a pub.

Norfolk County Council was also fined £80,000 for sending details about allegations against a parent and the welfare of their child to the wrong person, taking the total amount of fines handed out by the ICO to more than £1 million.

Their “bad”, but it isn’t the councils that have to pay up, it’s the council tax payers, how about making the knobs at the top personally responsible...

And apparently a credit rating agency in the big place on the left

Has put the UK on negative outlook, meaning it thinks there is more chance the economy may lose its triple A status.

Moody’s have also “graded” France and Austria, who also share a top triple A rating, and Spain and Portugal's ratings have been lowered.

The negative outlook for the UK means Moody's think there is a 30% chance of a downgrade within 18 months.

No real surprise there, but since when did a private company in another country get to decide what will happen to Blighty?

Back in the Smoke

Archie is entombed in a custom-made acrylic tank filled with a 10% solution of formol-saline; the giant squid at the centre of the London Natural History Museum Spirit Collection was caught off the coast of the Falkland Islands in March 2004.

The 8.62 meter long creature is an Architeuthis dux, or giant squid, and known at the museum as "Archie." Although enormous, the giant squid is not actually the largest of the feared semi-mythical undersea ship eaters: that position of honour is reserved for the colossal squid, or Mesonychoteuthis hamiltoni.

The Spirit Collection at the London Natural History Museum holds about 22 million preserved zoological specimens, including the original collections of Sir Hans Sloane, an adventurous 18th century traveller and collector, who also is known for having introduced the drinking of chocolate milk to Europe. His collection alone numbered some 80,000 items. The new Darwin Centre opened in September 2009.

No wonder life on earth is becoming extinct.

Dahn to the bit next to West Sussex

The East Sussex Wildlife Rescue and Ambulance Service received 27 reports of a "frozen swan" sitting for hours in the icy Pells Pond in Lewes and were obliged to visit the bird each time the alarm was raised.

The charity's founder, Trevor Weeks, thanked onlookers for their concern but said that the bird is actually keeping warm, The Brighton Argus reported.

"Every time we have attended, the swan has not been stuck," he said.

Most calls reported that the swan had a leg stuck in the ice, when it was actually tucked under its feathers to keep warm.

I’ve been to Lewes-no wonder the poor thing is bored out of its mind....

From the land of Fiats

A man with a real talent:

Bruno Walpoth
Bressanone, Italy, 1959
1973 − 1978 sculptor's apprenticeship with Vincenzo Mussner - Ortisei
1978 − 1984 academy "Der Bildende Künste" in Munich, with Prof. Hans Ladner
1985 − 2008 teacher at the vocational school for sculptors in Selva Val Gardena
1996 foundation of the sculptor's group "Trisma"
with Willy Verginer and Walter Moroder
Since 2000 member of the "Südtiroler Künstlerbund"

From the company that slows dahn the interweb

Boffins at Goggle have used a complex algorithm and their computing power to discover what we already knew… a video of a cat saying 'no' is funny.

Researchers looked at the comments on videos to determine whether viewers had found them funny and identified candidates for YouTube’s Comedy Slam.

Google Researcher Sanketh Shetty, said: "We computed more text features based on words associated with amusement in comments.

"These included (a) sounds associated with laughter such as hahaha, with culture-dependent variants such as hehehe, jajaja, kekeke, (b) web acronyms such as lol, lmao, rofl, (c) funny and synonyms of funny, and (d) emoticons such as :), ;-), xP."

Members of the public were then asked to vote on the Comedy Slam where No No No No Cat received the most votes.

Thank what’s his/her name for algorithms...mind you it is funny.

And finally:

Up to the County that is famous for its intellectual TV series

A dog walker was photographed slowly edging his way across the frozen River Stour in the village of Dedham, Essex, to save his pet.

However, he ended up having to swim to safety after the ice suddenly gave way and the man fell in to the freezing water 30ft from the bank.

He managed to haul his small terrier-type dog onto the ice before clambering back to dry land.

Still at least he is reinforcing my opinion of said dwellers...

That’s it: I’m orf to turn the Honda into a structural batteryOnds

And today’s thought;

Angus

Naughty overpaid racists: High value visas: Dying for life: Ferrari to Fiat: Cleaning up in Chongqing: That’s the ticket: and exploding wedding cakes.

Warmish, wettish and a whimsy of mist at the Castle this morn, the foreign flu is still around a smidge-I have this urge to make a silent film and I have just returned from Tesco on the stale bread, gruel and his Maj’s food run.

I see that while Blighty sinks into the west along with its economy U-Turn Cam is to hold a summit on racism in something called football in an attempt to ensure that the sport is not dragged back to the "bad old days" by recent race controversies, Jeremy Hunt, the culture secretary, said on Sunday.

The event will take place this month and, although details have not been finalised, it is expected to include player representatives and senior figures from bodies including the Football Association and the Premier League.

Simple answer-if one overpaid ballet dancer is found “guilty” of calling another overpaid ballet dancer a naughty name-sack the Pillock and ban him from kicking the leather bag full of air forever...

How to buy UK citizenship

The number of wealthy foreign nationals granted investor visas to stay in the UK has risen six-fold since they were introduced three years ago. In 2011, 320 visas were issued to individuals with £1m in capital, according to the commercial law firm McGrigors.

The biggest growth is among applicants from Russia and former Soviet states, who account for a third of investment visas, which are seen as a fast track to UK citizenship. Yuri Botiuk, a partner at McGrigors, said that Russian investors continued to see Britain as a place of stability in which to invest their cash.

Fifteen per cent of investment visas are now allocated to Chinese citizens who make up the second main national group.

Be a Blightyite-if you are rich....

Allegedly the British Moronic Arseholes-BMA

Want some patients to be kept alive solely so they can become organ donors as part of an urgent medical and ethical revolution to ease Britain’s chronic shortage of organs, doctors’ leaders say today.

A new BMA report also suggests hearts could be taken from newborn babies for the first time and body parts could be used from high -risk donors.

The BMA wants a debate about the use of an ethically contentious practice called “elective ventilation”, in which patients diagnosed as dead – such as those who have suffered a massive stroke – are kept alive purely to enable organ retrieval.

Nice to see that the NHS is “patient led”...

Right a bit to the land of pasta and posh motors

Italy's crackdown on tax cheats has many well-heeled drivers spurning their hot wheels for more prosaic cars to avoid unwelcome attention.

"Since December about 30 people have come to return their cars as they fear intense tax raids," a luxury car dealer said in Milan.

Domenico Minervini from the financial police in the central Emilia-Romagna region, added: "The tax office has begun to spread fear.

"Many citizens are bringing back their prestigious motors evoking the financial crisis but in reality they are scared and want to hone down their taxpayer profile as their declared revenues have been very low until now."

Buying a Fiat-that’ll teach em....

East even more

A large cargo truck carrying laundry detergent worth millions blew out a tyre in Qijiang county of Chongqing, drove through the centre divider, and stopped on the other side of the road, the cargo on the truck scattered all over the ground. After the villagers near the highway found out, one after another they rushed onto the highway to loot the scattered goods.

Seen the price of washing powder lately?

Dahn Unda

The Islamic Women's Welfare Association wants new migrants to get taxpayer subsidies to visit overseas relatives, and Australia should consider how to "facilitate the purchase of homes for new migrants".

In a submission to a federal multicultural inquiry, the association has urged the Government to give tax deductions to newly arrived migrants so they can visit relatives in their homelands.

"Migrants face a lot of sacrifices such as having to travel long distances to visit relatives, spending on communication costs, missing out on some events occurring in native countries etc," the submission said.

"This loss should be compensated by the Government in one way or the other to retain migrants in their country of adoption."

If you don’t like where you live fuck orf home-is that racist?

And finally:

Food artists Bompas & Parr are launching a food explosion service for weddings where for a fee a trained explosives technician will lay charges within your wedding cake ready for you to detonate.

A spokesperson for the firm said: "Traditional wedding cakes are a triumph of spectacle over taste. Bompas & Parr’s food explosion service pushes this ethos to its ultimate conclusion.

"The ritual of cutting the cake is significantly enhanced through the explosion, the sense of occasion heightened by the blast and your guests are spared eating flavourless fruitcake."

The service starts from £800 and includes a risk assessment and an explosive technician liaising with your cake provider to tell them how their creation will be destroyed.

That’ll go down a bomb...

That’s it; I’m orf to substitute some metal

And today’s thought:

Where to keep your brains.

Angus

Woodentop tax: EU black hole: Scratch and sniff jeans: Dopey, happy and not bashful Numpty: and the drive through funeral parlour.

‘Tis a whimsy warmer at the Castle this morn, his Maj has finally ventured out and the butler has emerged from the dungeon after his marathon stint shoving fat, drunk teenagers into the furnace.

Le France malady seems to be abating, the only urge I have had today is for soft, chewy cheese.

 

Dahn ‘ere in ‘Ampshire

The chief plod has written to the local police authority asking it not to use a government grant to freeze council tax.

The money would be equivalent to a 3% rise to its part of the council tax.

But the force had proposed an increase of 3.25% from April to ease cuts to front-line services.

Maybe they could save money on less braid...

According to the slow train to news

European Union chiefs are threatening to hit Britain with a £1billion cash demand after discovering a massive black hole in their budgets.

The Brussels-based European Commission identified a £9.2billion gap in funding after over pledging money to regional projects.

EU budget commissioner Janusz Lewandowski is now planning to deliver a fresh plea for cash to the 27 member nations.

He said: “There will probably be a deficit at the end of next year for which I will have to ask for extra funding.”

The demand for more cash is on top of this year’s UK contribution to Brussels of nearly £13.5billion.

I’ll have a look dahn the back of the sofa....

Over to the bit on tip of the big thing on the left

The latest thing is Scratch and sniff jeans which smell of raspberries and can be worn for months without washing.

They have just gone on sale at Liberty and Selfridges for £135 a pair.

Makers Naked and Famous Denim, who also do glow-in-the-dark jeans, claim the smell lasts for five washes.

The jeans are already a big seller in the company’s native Canada and varieties smelling of mint, grapefruit, banana, eucalyptus and ­apple are being planned.

Spokesman ­Bahzad Trinos said: ­“Hardcore denim lovers don’t wash them for months to get an individual look.

Perfect for us smelly old farts then.....

East more than a lot

A Snow White and the Seven Dwarfs fan has paid the ultimate tribute to her favourite film - by having the entire cast of characters etched on her skin.

Annfaye Kao, 27, from Taichung, Taiwan, had the intricate art work inked across her whole back in a marathon three month tattoo session.

The colourful patchwork of cartoons was inspired by a dream she once had about the fairy tale.

Annfaye - who says Snow White is her favourite ever movie character of all time - said: 'The motive for the tattoo started in a dream.

'It reminded me of my childhood and my love for Snow White as she is so beautiful.

Should have gone to Specsavers.... 

And finally:

Back over to the left

And dahn to LA (Where else) there is the Drive through funeral parlour where mourners do not even have to leave the comfort of their own cars to peer at the coffin through their window.

The Robert L. Adams drive-through funeral home first opened in 1974 and is only one of a handful in the US, which also gave the world drive-through restaurants and banks.

‘It’s a unique feature that sets us aside from other funeral parlours,’ said owner Peggy Scott Adams, a Grammy-nominated gospel singer who took over the business when her husband died.

‘You can come by after work, you don’t need to deal with parking, you can sign the book outside and the family knows that you paid your respects. It’s a convenience thing,’ she told the LA Times.

Apparently the only drawback is that the 3m (10ft) high drive-through area may not be suitable for mobile homes.

There goes the holiday then...

That’s it: I’m orf to get my asteroids vaporised.

And today’s thought:

Angus

The cost of education: The Subterranean Development Bill: Hair today-tattoo tomorrow: Money to burn: Man on a bicycle: More 3d street art: and Welsh toilet training.

Even colder at the castle this morn, the liquid metal in the heat gauge has buggered orf to somewhere warm and the fallic glu is so bad that I want to write double entendre’s all the time and I had to retreat to the four poster yestermorn.

As university fees reach the £9,000 mark

The knobs at the top of the educational edifices have taken advantage of all the new loot and awarded themselves nice fat pay raises.

Five vice-chancellors enjoyed increases in total pay packets of more than 20 per cent and 13 more were awarded rises of more than five per cent.

The average university head was paid £239,000, while 3,403 university staff received more than £100,000 – a six per cent rise.

The highest-paid vice-chancellor was Prof Andrew Hamilton, head of Oxford University, who earned a total package of £424,000 – a slight rise on the year before.

Prof David Eastwood, head of Birmingham University, received a seven per cent rise, taking his total pay package to £419,000.

Nicola Dandridge, chief executive of Universities UK, which represents vice-chancellors, said: “For 2010-11, there have been very few increases across the sector, reflecting the current funding climate.

“The remuneration packages for vice-chancellors reflect what it takes to recruit and retain individuals able to run complex, multi-million pound organisations, which are operating in an increasingly competitive, global market. These packages are in line with those in competitor countries and also with heads of public and private organisations of a similar size.”

Nationally, pay packages – including salary and pension contributions – rose by only one per cent on average. But some university heads took much greater increases.

The worst offenders are:

1. Paul Curran and Julius Weinberg, City University, London - £322,000 (£239,000) - 35%

2. Graham Upton, Cumbria University - £258,938 (£196,541) - 32%

3. Paul Thompson, Royal College of Art - £224,526 (£175,000) - 28% (includes two years' pension contributions)

4. Sir Leszek Borysiewicz and Dame Alison Richard, Cambridge University - £312,000 (£249,000) - 25%

5. Ian Diamond, Aberdeen University - £335,000 (£268,000) - 25% (was only part-time for part of the year before)

Nice to see that “we are still all in this together”

Up in the posh bit of the smoke

U-Turn Cam’s father-in-law has complained of Russians who moved into his “smart street in London” and started digging an underground basement.

Viscount Astor joined peers calling for tougher regulations for basement extensions amid concerns about their effect on neighbouring properties.

The Subterranean Development Bill was given an unopposed second reading after the House of Lords heard of the damage that could be done by wealthy homeowners installing swimming pools, gyms or extra rooms below their properties.

Lord Astor, who lives in basement flat in a Belgravia townhouse “on quite a smart street in London”, said his problems started when some Russian neighbours moved in and starting excavating the basement.

 Oh dear-what a shame....

Up to Brummy land

A British company said it is opening salons across England dedicated to the tattooing the scalps of bald men to make it look like they have short hair.

Company HIS Hair, or Hair-Ink-Skin, based in Birmingham, said it is opening facilities across England to allow men who have lost their hair to give the appearance of hair growing back using a tattooing technique applying different shades of pigment to the scalp to emulate the look of a buzz cut, The Sun reported Friday.

I find that a felt tip does much the same job- is a lot cheaper and doesn’t hurt at all...

East a smidge to the land of less food

Hungary's central bank is burning old monetary notes to help the needy in Europe's deadly cold snap.

The bank is pulping wads of old notes into briquettes to help heat humanitarian organisations.

Barnabas Ferenczi, head of the bank's cash logistics centre, said: "For the central bank, corporate social responsibility is an important thing.

"That's why we thought that since we destroy approximately 40 or 50 tons of currency every year, this thing can be useful for charities that have a problem finding fuel for burning."

"Our examination showed that the heating properties of these shredded currency briquettes are similar to brown coal so they are pretty useful for heating and resolve the problem to find fuel."

It takes the equivalent of £14,000 in notes to make a single one-kilogram briquette.

Wouldn’t it be better just to give them the money?

Somewhere in the Northern hemisphere

French artist and copyeditor Guillaume Blanchet from Montreal has lived on a bicycle for over a year.  Apparently he even cooked his own food and flirted with women, while perched on the narrow bicycle seat.

Blanchet does everything on the go, and he never stops pedalling. As he rides hands-free, he is occupied with the various mundane activities of life. Numerous items make an appearance, such as frying pans, shaving kits, laptops, telephones, Rubik cubes, and even musical instruments.

If you are tired of life watch the video-but beware the music is really annoying...

Tosser.....

Right a lot to the place near Edam

Dutch artist Leon Keer is exhibiting at the latest art show RawExpo in Rotterdam from 8 February – 4 March 2011.

The harbour area and abandoned warehouse forms the backdrop for the exhibition of more than 60 sculptures and installations curated by Piet de Jonge.

The 3d painting measures 45 square meters and is made directly on the concrete.

Spiffing.

And finally:

Dahn in Welsh Wales

Bosses at Swansea University have put up signs instructing students how to use the toilets properly after some were found in a mess.

They have blamed "cultural differences" in the way that the toilets are used by foreign students.

A university spokeswoman said: "The posters were produced to help address cultural differences that were unfortunately causing damage and hygiene issues.

"Swansea University is a multi-cultural campus community and the informational posters were produced, for use in both male and female facilities.

"The information was produced in conjunction with the International College Wales Swansea and displayed in key areas around the campus.

Students....

That’s it: I’m orf to have a look at Steve Jobs FBI file and then back to the four poster.

And today’s thought:

Angus

Pissed and broke: Nudge-nudge #2: Domestic tax breaks: Quackers: Bottled smoke: Two old farts: Dog parking: and Top Totty defeats Kate Green.

A nice fresh layer of deep, crisp and even at the Castle this morn, his Maj has re-attached himself to the radiator, and the butler has been in the dungeon so long shoving fat, drunk teenagers into the furnace that he is sending out sonar to find his way about.

The over the channel lurgy has reached new heights-I fancy building a big metal tower in the garden.

Over the frozen salty thing to the left

Allegedly an American-Indian tribe in South Dakota has sued some of the world's biggest beer firms over severe alcohol-related issues in the community.

The Oglala Sioux Tribe is asking for $500m (£316m) for healthcare, social services and child rehabilitation.

Tribal elders say the lawsuit is a last resort after efforts to curb abuse through protests and policy failed.

On the Pine Ridge Indian Reservation one in four children suffers foetal disorders caused by alcohol abuse.

The lawsuit, filed in the district court of Nebraska, targets Anheuser-Busch InBev Worldwide, SAB Miller, Molson Coors Brewing Company, MillerCoors LLC, and Pabst Brewing Company.

Self inflicted?

Back in deep, crisp and even Blighty

Knobhead David Halpern, a senior No.10 aide and the director of the No 10 Behavioural Insight Team, known as the “nudge unit” thinks that Elderly people should be encouraged to go back to work and move into smaller homes.

In a presentation, Mr Halpern said pensioners should be encouraged to return to work because of the benefits of social interaction for the elderly.

He told delegates at the Stockholm summit that more than half of those older than 75 in Britain described themselves as lonely “all or most of the time”.

“Work matters, particularly for older people, not just for money, but absolutely for social contact,” he said.

Not to mention all the tax they would pay, and stamp duty, and the pensions that wouldn't...

And just to prove that “we are all in this together”

Families could be given tax breaks for hiring cleaners and cooks to help with household chores, under a scheme to be considered by ministers.

The proposal could save middle-class families thousands of pounds a year in fees for domestic help and encourage more women to return to work after having children.

It would also act to cut the number of illegal workers, who are often paid “cash in hand”.

The idea would be modelled on a successful scheme operating in Sweden which has caught the eye of the Prime Monster.

Snag is that the Swedish economy is heading the same way as Blighty’s

East to the land of crispy birds

A farmer was spotted marching hundreds of ducks along a busy motorway in China.

Xu Ling promptly marched the beaked birds along a 70mph highway in Changde, Hunan.

Mr Ling was transporting his herd of ducks back to his land from a nearby lake where they had been feeding.

Despite the risk of a fine and a caution from the police, the farmer took the superfast highway to avoid taking the long route home.

'I know I shouldn't do it and that the police will fine me if they see me, but I have more than 200 birds and you need a wide road to herd them all along at the same time,' he explained.

'The only other way home is through lots of small alleys and you lose too many birds like that.



Pass the orange sauce....

Left again

Jim Dingilian uses candle smoke to paint images on the inside of empty bottles.

According to Jim “The miniature scenes I depict are of locations on the edge of suburbia which seem mysterious or even slightly menacing despite their commonplace nature. The bottles add to the implied narratives of transgression. When found by the sides of roads or in the weeds near the edges of parking lots, empty liquor bottles are artefacts of consumption, delight, or dread. As art objects, they become hourglasses of sorts, their drained interiors now inhabited by dim memories”

Yeah right, but the “pictures” are 'interesting'...

Still on the left

Arnie and Sly “bumped into each other in ‘orspital, in an amazing coincidence the two action stars had been booked in to have treatment on their shoulders at the same medical centre, on the same day.

Writing online Arnie said: ""After all the action, stunts & physical abuse shooting The Expendables 2 and The Last Stand, it was time for a little tune up on my shoulder.

"Look who was coincidentally waiting in line behind me for his shoulder surgery. Now we're ready for another round of great times and action when we shoot The Tomb."

 Obviously we're not suggesting this is a publicity stunt for 'The Tomb'

No shit....

Back in Nordic Blighty

For a small fee, UK pet owners will be able to drop their dogs off in a specially designed cage complete with its very own cooling fan for those hot sunny days.

It has been a massive hit in Europe and is now set to be launched in the UK later this year.

The 45 inch, plastic device was designed by a Norwegian company in 2004 after the introduction of a new law stopping owners from tying their pets to the front of public entrances following a spate of dog attacks across the country.

Norsk Hundeparkering now wants to bring their product to the UK following its enormous popularity in Norway.

Oh joy...

And finally:

Still in feminist Blighty

A campaign which led to "Top Totty" beer being banned from the House Of Commons bar has backfired - after sales increased across the country.

Family-run Staffordshire brewer Slater's revealed it has seen sales jump since one of its ales upset a MP Kate Green and attracted headlines around the world last week.

Slater's sales director Fay Slater announced that the firm has been bombarded with phone calls and emails from landlords wanting to get their hands on barrels of Top Totty.

The welcome boost for the popular ale comes after the four per cent beer was removed from sale at the Strangers' Bar, in the Houses of Parliament, after shadow equalities minister Ms Green said the pump clip, which features a half-naked lady, was offensive.

Now Slater's says it has sold around 50 more barrels than it shifts in an average week, with around half a dozen pubs saying they want to start selling the controversial ale too.

Up yours minister.....

That’s it: I’m orf to freeze some gruel.

And today’s thought:

Tax break

Angus