Who gives Le Bollocks: Nickelarse in the poo: Panic at Gothenburg: Cardboard man: Cool headlights: and the Sweep festival.

One guess as to the meteorological conditions at the Castle this morn-yes, it pissed dahn all night and it is still urinating from the sky as I write.

The saddest picture of the year so far-my sundial which is turning rusty.

And a happy picture of his Maj hunting for worms.

And here’s one he managed to bag.

Just returned from my favourite retailer on the stale bread, gruel and his Maj’s food run, I arrived at 8 of the am, it is now 8.55 of the am, I finished my meagre purchases at ten past 8 of the am and then spent 40 minutes waiting at the pharmacy for the computer (who definitely said no) to update itself, whist leaning on the counter waiting I noticed that the biggest (and richest) every little helps provider is still running Windows XP (which came out in 2001) no bleedin wonder they cock up so many prices.

And not only have they managed to move everything about again but have changed the packaging on all their own brand stuff so that this daft old fart is even more confused than ever.

Over the Chunnel thingy

Apparently the new “Socialist” Pres Francois Hollande is not happy with us in Blighty, it seems that “Britain is "indifferent to the fate of the euro area" and "In addition to relative indifference to the fate of the euro area, Britain is more protected because of speculation the central bank may intervene directly to finance the debt,"

According to what’s his name Nick Clegg "France is one of our oldest, strongest and most important allies".

"Hollande wants to put emphasis on growth. Who's going to disagree with that? But he knows you can't create growth on the shifting sands of debt."

He added: "Any emphasis on growth from whatever direction on the political spectrum has got to be good."

 

Blightyites "indifferent to the fate of the euro area"? Too bloody right...

Meanwhile the ex Pres of our “close allies”

Nickelarse Sarcozy could soon be called for questioning – either as a witness or potentially as a suspect – in several corruption cases when he loses presidential immunity a month after leaving office on May 15.

Judges are likely to want to summon him over an investigation into who ordered French intelligence to unlawfully seek to uncover the source of journalists working for Le Monde. France's intelligence chief is currently under investigation over the affair in which Le Monde exposed embarrassing links between Mr Sarkozy's government and Liliane Bettencourt, the l'Oréal billionaire caught up in a tax evasion and illegal party financing inquiry.

Allegedly Nickelarse is suspected of benefiting from brown envelopes of cash to help fund his 2007 campaign from Mrs Bettencourt and her late husband, André, whose former bookkeeper has told judges she withdrew 150,000 euros earmarked for Mr Sarkozy's then campaign treasurer. He also faces questioning over allegations he personally accepted cash from the Bettencourts during a visit shortly before his 2007 election. Mr Sarkozy denies wrongdoing on all accounts.

Do they still have the Guillotine in France?

Up a bit to ABBAs place

A Ryanair flight attendant was hospitalised with head injuries this week after falling from an aircraft in Sweden.

The cabin crew employee from the Irish carrier was left bleeding from the head after falling to the tarmac during a panicked late departure from Gothenburg City Airport, The Local reported.

She was finalising the process of securing the plane for take-off when a rear door was pulled open and she fell about 10 feet (three meters).

A passenger told the Expressen newspaper of the rushed loading of passengers for the flight, which was almost an hour late, "It was very confusing and unprofessional. It was almost like a state of panic when everything had to be done really quickly."

"The stairs had been removed and the door to the plane was closed. What made her open the door we don't know. I find it hard to believe that she took a step out, it is more likely that the door flew open while she was holding the handle. It is rather windy today," airport boss Annika Nyberg told news agency TT.

You pays peanuts.......

Up North

Mark Pearson, a 44-year-old repairman who loves comic books, has spent 14 months of his life creating an almost perfect replica of Tony Stark’s Iron Man suit, from sheets of cardboard covered in fibreglass.

”I don’t know why I did it”, the repairman from Bradford, West Yorkshire, says, “I guess it was just a moment of madness. I decided on making the helmet then I said to my partner – I’m going to make the full suit.” The comics fan bought himself a 12ft cardboard model of Robert Downey Jr. in his iconic superhero suit, started work on the helmet, but simply couldn’t stop. He downloaded the templates from the Internet, and made them into cardboard moulds. Once those were all created, he was able to create the fibreglass parts of his Iron Man suit.

Twat.......

The company that never made cars or motorbikes

Has come up with a spiffing invention to help the ladies through our hot summer- a new bra which comes equipped with refrigerated cooling gel pads.

The brassiere can also be worn with a skirt made of a mosquito net or bamboo shades, adding to its ability to offer relief in hot weather.

Both versions come with a small hanging wind chime that in Japan is believed to sound refreshing. There is even a little bamboo ladle added for good measure, in case the wearer wants a splash of water.

 

Shan’t be needing that then....

 

And finally:

Still in indifferent Blighty

The three day annual Sweeps Festival in Rochester, England dates back 400 years and was originally the one day in the year that the chimney sweeps could afford time off to celebrate the coming of spring. This year marks the festival's 32nd year since its reintroduction in 1980, with traditional activities including Morris dancers, who parade to Rochester Castle, and a Jack-in-the-Green ceremony. 

That should cut dahn on yoof unemployment...

 That’s it: I’m orf to draw a stroke.

And today’s thought:

Indifference.

Angus

           

Every little broadband: Up and dahn-again: Opaque transparency: Big Bougainvillea: I like to ride my Ferrari: Cyclegen in Brockenhurst: and Kung fu nuns.

Chucking it dahn (again) at the castle this morn, but it did turn out nice yesterday and I managed to sort out the hanging baskets, wall boxes and pots with nice new compost and liners, and even a spot of sitting in the sun for a while.

The arm is still OKish, the partial toof thingy still make me vomit and his Maj has become fussy over his grub-I think that a certain neighbour is slipping him “posh” food...

My favourite retailer

Has apparently come up with a cunning plan to entice us into a broadband “revolution” by offering up-to-20Mbps, unlimited web stuff at £2.50 per month.

Snags are-

You need to buy line rental from Tesco at £13.75/month and switch your phone service to them, with inclusive evening and weekend phone calls. Total price: £16.25/month.

The standard contract is 12 months, or there’s a £40 one-off charge to join on a 30-day rolling contract. You also have to be on a telephone exchange fitted with Tesco broadband equipment.

After 12 months, the service reverts to Tesco’s full price of £6.50/month plus line rental.

 

And probably price increases every month because every little helps-their profits.

After scuttling our aircraft carriers and grounding our Harrier jump jets

The Piss Poor Policies Millionaires club Coalition has decided that when (if) we get new carriers the Government will now purchase the jump-jet model of the F-35 Joint Strike Fighter plane instead, reversing one of the central decisions in the Coalition’s controversial defence review.

Defence Secretary no nuts Phil Hammond will claim the decision will save hundreds of millions of pounds and help the Armed Forces.

Apparently ministers will argue that the change could bring some military benefits to the UK. In particular, buying the jump-jet could mean the next generation of carriers is ready to sail

The decision to install catapults on the new carriers was expected to delay the arrival of the new vessels until at least 2020. Delays in completing the conventional variant plane could have pushed that date back to 2023 or even later, leaving the UK without a working aircraft carrier for at least a decade.

By contrast, the development of the jump-jet fighter is proceeding more smoothly than expected, meaning the aircraft could be ready to fly from the new carriers as early as 2018.

Adopting the jump-jet could also allow the Navy to have two operational carriers. Under the review, one of the new carriers is to be mothballed to save money.

Downing Street confirmed a statement on the carrier programme was imminent.

Err didn’t we already have carriers and jump jets?

Meanwhile the Secretary of Elf

Has decided to veto publication of the paper exposing the dangers of the latest health service shake-up in defiance of a tribunal, which said it should be released under the Freedom of Information Act.

Tosspot Lansley invoked a rarely used veto saying that, while he believed in ‘greater transparency’, it was essential to retain ‘a safe space where officials are able to give ministers full and frank advice in developing policies and programmes’.

Apparently it seems that according to “Mr” Lansley “The public had all the information it needed to decide on the reforms”

Except for the bits they don’t want us to see.......

 

East to the land of lots and lots of people

A big Bougainvillea is set to become top of the crops as it nears the 100-ft mark.

Planted more than 10 years ago, the monster plant has become a unique feature of a university campus.

And now the creeper has reached such a height that officials are applying to Guinness World Records for recognition.

One student at the college in Nanning, southern China revealed that occupants of the building have been taking time out of their studies to care for the plant.

"We all help to keep the plant healthy from the windows of our room with some leaf pruning or feeding," he said.

"We don't mind that it blocks out the light - it's beautiful to look at when it's in flower."

Hope they don’t have a hosepipe ban there....

Left to the land that isn’t Italy

Austrian artist Hannes Langeder spent a year creating the Fahrradi Farfall FFX based on the Italian sports car manufacturer's £1million track-only Ferrari FXX.

Very nice, but sadly it is pedal driven, made from a combination of plastic and light-weight steel, the unique bicycle weighs just 100kg and is steered using pedals which control 11 different gears.

Langeder even claims the vehicle actually lifts off the ground when ridden by a fast enough cyclist.

The eco-friendly car is currently on display at an automotive exhibition in Austria where it is considered road-safe.

 Wonder if it is congestion charge free?

Dahn in the New Forest

Guests in the “Standing Hat” room at Cottage Lodge in the village of Brockenhurst, can now keep fit, watch their favourite programmes, and do their bit for the environment using the novel device.

The room also features low-energy lighting, solar panels and a wood-burning stove to produce hot water, and a low-flow toilet and shower to reduce water use. The publicity also boasts that environmentally-friends paints and low-impact building materials were used throughout, while the room’s bed, bedside table, dressing table, wardrobe and mirror were crafted by a local tree surgeon from a single beech tree which fell in the village.

Christina Simons, the hotel’s owner, has spent nearly eight years turning it into a green retreat, but explained how the 360-year-old property has recycling in its heritage.

“The building dates back to 1650, and was actually constructed from a reclaimed ship,” she said.

Nothing new-the butler has been using one of those for years.

And finally: 

East again to Kathmandu

A prayer of nuns arrange themselves into lines around a golden Buddhist shrine to undergo a rigorous and aggressive martial arts routine as the world's first order of kung fu nuns.

The sisters of the Amitabha Drukpa Nunnery - aged from nine to 52 - come from across Nepal, India, Tibet and Bhutan to learn the ancient Chinese discipline of kung fu, which they believe will help them be better Buddhists.

Every day, they exchange their maroon robes and philosophical studies for an intense 90-minute session of hand chops, punches, shrieks and soaring high kicks.

"The main reason for practising kung fu is for fitness and for health, but it also helps with meditation and self-defence,'' 14-year-old Jigme Wangchuk Lhamo, who was sent to the nunnery from Bhutan four years ago, said.

"When we practise kung fu we are doing something which gives us not only strong bodies but also strong minds.''

 

Bet they don’t get nun....

 

That’s it: I’m orf to put the speed gun on a glacier.

And today’s thought:

They might get some.

Angus

Water-water everywhere: Thunderstorm asthma: Upside dahn in Austria: Bye Bye breakfast: Himalayan bungee swing: and Bridging the recession.

Dark, dank, dingy and dismal at the Castle this non bank holiday morn, the arm is still OKish, my front toof fell out (again) to be replaced with a “partial” false thingy which I can’t use because it is painful and makes me vomit, and the Castle now has a water meter.

And staying on the subject of H2o

It seems that despite oodles of sky water and huge increases in the cost of the wet stuff more than half of water companies will not be required to reduce leakages before 2015, despite the worst drought in 25 years.

Data obtained by the Guardian from the regulator Ofwat also shows the entire water industry will cut leaks by only 1.5% in that time.

Every day 3.4bn litres of water leaks from the system, almost a quarter of the entire supply.

After two years of low rainfall, drought has been declared across southern and central England, with no end in sight for the hosepipe ban imposed in many places. The wettest April on record has revived rivers, but groundwater reserves remain low as the water runs off hardened ground.

The worst-performing company, Southern Water, which supplies Sussex, Kent, Hampshire and the Isle of Wight, missed its latest leak target by 16% and had to pay £5m back to customers, but will be allowed to increase its leakage by 6% by 2015.

The average annual customer bill for water has risen by £64 since 2001 and is now £376, while the companies collectively made £2bn in pre-tax profits and paid £1.5bn in dividends to shareholders in 2010-11.

Germany's RWE sold Thames Water, Britain's largest water company, to Macquarie, the Australian bank, for £8bn in 2006. At the time, Macquarie also owned South East Water, but it was sold on to Australia's Hastings Funds Management when Macquarie bought Thames. South East then merged with Mid Kent Water in 2007, and the new group is owned by Hastings Diversified Utilities Fund and the Utilities Trust of Australia.

This is of course revenge by them Dahn Unda for sending all our ne’re do wells there back in the dark ages....

 

According to ‘experts’

The recent record rainfall has triggered a spike in the number of "thunderstorm asthma" admissions to hospitals, visits to doctors’ surgeries and emergency out-of-hours calls.

Medics say the heavy rain stirs fungal spores, especially one identified as alternaria which can cause a life-threatening asthma attack.

Dr Prasanna Sankaran, a specialist registrar in respiratory medicine at the Norfolk and Norwich hospital, said:"The new cases are often after heavy rain and thunderstorms which can trigger an attack.

"The fungal spores are released by the heavy rain and come up from the soil anywhere that it is damp. It is sometimes difficult to pinpoint the exact cause but this is a very under-recognised cause of asthma.

"The advice to sufferers is to stay indoors during thunder storms and keep doors and windows closed.

That’ll keep the little shits orf the streets.

Right a bit to non Germany

Two Polish architects have spent eight months building a “house upside down” in Austria.

What’s his/her name upstairs knows why but the Poles probably had the plans the wrong way up.

  

Right even more

A small treat for those of you who enjoy watching others being terrified.

Right a lot more

Another small treat.

And finally:

 

Left a fair way

Thieves in the Czech Republic have made away with a ten-tonne steel pedestrian bridge in the latest case of scrap metal heists plaguing the country, police said.

"The police know the identity of thieves, an investigation is underway," local police spokeswoman Katerina Bohmova told AFP.

Using a crane, a crafty group of thieves dismantled the bridge and about 200 metres (218 yards) of railway track using a crane, SZDC, a company managing Czech railway infrastructure confirmed.

The thieves even managed to dupe police officers during a routine check as they were dismantling the booty, showing officers forged documents saying they were working on a new bicycle path.

The stolen metal is valued at around 4,800 Euros ($6,300), according to the SZDC.

Ah, the old bicycle path ploy....

That’s it: I’m orf to build a PC with magnetic bacteria

And today’s thought:

British politics.

Angus

Focus, delivery and hard work: Up your salary: Bad idea Dahn Unda: Spanish Hiriko: Kawatta Bukken: and Electric bollocks.

There is a large, hot shiny thing in the sky at the Castle this morn, not sure what it is but I am sure it will go away before long, orf to Tesco on the stale bread, gruel and his Maj’s food run later, the arm is OKish, and the worst things about only being able to use one upper limb were-having a wash, shaving, washing up and sorting out the rear exit... 

After finding out that the electorate isn’t too keen on the Piss Poor Policies Millionaires Club Coalition.

U-Turn Cam has decided that he will not move to the right or left and is sceptical of those who think the answers to the problems can be found in what he calls "loud ideologies", and that focus, delivery and hard work is the cure for all of Blighty’s ills.

On Wednesday, what is laughingly known as “the Government” will outline its agenda for the next year in the Queen's Speech, as it tries to regain the initiative after both the Conservatives and the Liberal Democrats suffered heavy losses in local elections

The Tories lost 405 council seats in Thursday's poll, while their coalition partners lost 336.

In his Telegraph article, Mr Cameron writes: "The message people are sending is this: focus on what matters, deliver what you promise - and prove yourself in the process. I get it."

So that’s nil for three then....

Still in Coalition buggered Blighty

Whist we are struggling with the lack of money and services it seems that according to research average salaries rose by more than £1,000 for thousands of directors and executives at local authorities and NHS trusts in 2010-11.

The highest paid NHS trust chief executive was Jan Filochowski, at West Hertfordshire Hospitals trust, who received £282,500 including a bonus for the previous year.

Among local authorities, Joanna Killian was paid the most, with £239,000 to run Essex County Council and Brentwood Borough Councils.

IDS examined the salaries of thousands of executives classed as "tier 1" because they are on the boards of councils, and those of the assistants and deputies working for them, classed as "tier 2".

The analysis found that those in tier 1, earning up to £200,000, saw pay rise on average by 1.3 per cent – an increase of £1,400 on their typical salary.

Thousands more assistants and deputies were paid up to £180,000 after salaries rose by an average of 1.8 per cent, a rise of £1,341 on the average salary for the group.

The highest paid was Peter Lewis, who received £200,000 as director of children and young people's services at Haringey Council, in north London, in 2010-11 after being hired the previous year, in the wake of the scandal over Baby P.

Next was Stuart Smith, director of children and young people's services at Liverpool City Council, paid £198,568 in 2010-11, as well as a payment of £147,000 when he was made redundant. Mr Smith saw his basic pay rise by 23 per cent in 2010-11, after the council axed bonuses for most of its executive team.

The findings show that while the highest earnings were for those running children's services, directors of environmental services were paid up to £187,000, while heads of corporate services received up to £178,000.

Eric Pickles, Local Government and Communities Secretary, said that despite the Coalition's efforts, too many executives remained on "unacceptable bumper pay packets" and should be taking cuts to their salary.

Nice to know that “we are all still in this together”, so get orf your big fat arse Pickles and do something about it......

Dahn Unda

There is a plan afoot by mining billionaire Clive Palmer, one of Australia's richest men   to build a 21st Century version of the Titanic.

The plan, he added, was for the vessel to be as similar as possible to the original Titanic in design and specifications, but with modern technology.

The new vessel is scheduled to sail from London to New York in late 2016, if all goes as planned.

Bet that gets an icy reception....

Back in the remnants of the Eurozone

Spain welcomes the Hiriko electric two-seater which is just 100 inches long (about the size of a Smart).

It can fold itself up into itself so that when parked, it is only 60 inches long. Since that is the width of a typical car, three of these tiny urban EVs could conceivably fit into a parking spot.

The Hiriko will be available to hire and also be sold for around $16,350, according to reports.

And the car’s robotic wheels have the ability to tilt, such that the car can spin around its own centre.

And disappear up its own battery with a bit of luck...

East to the land of no nuclear power

Some dopy sod with a radiation laden brain cell has come up with a range of odd-shaped homes for adventurous individuals.

Apparently these odd properties — known as “kawatta bukken” in Japanese — were designed to meet the demands of people who want to live in modern abodes, or just something different.

The different properties available include an egg-shaped house, which is located in Tokyo. An advertisement states that it is “from another dimension.”

If you want to get an experience that is really out of this world, try renting a narrow rocket-shaped house in Tokyo.

Or you can rent this house, located in Nagano Prefecture, which is advertised as the house of a James Bond villain. 

Sadly the reception from the market is cold. 

Can’t think why…

And finally:

Back in the land of annoying cars

A 53-year-old man has survived being struck by lightning in the scrotum while walking down a street in Madrid.

According to Spain's El Mondo newspaper, the unnamed man lost consciousness after being struck by lightning in the groin on Thursday night, with the bolt travelling down his leg and striking the ground.

His son called paramedics who later treated him for burns to the scrotum and feet at the scene in Madrid's suburb Tres Cantos.

He was then taken to Madrid’s Hospital de la Paz where tests showed his heart and brain functions were not affected by the lightning strike.

The man is said to be in a stable condition in hospital.

His balls are cooling dahn in the fridge....

That’s it: I’m orf to the playground

And today’s thought:

French politics.

Angus

Tory regret: Welfare to fraud: Another daft old fart: Exploding cows: Big Crab: and Playing Possum Dahn Unda.

I think we have now reached the fortieth day (and night) of falling skywater at the Castle this morn, his Maj doesn’t seem to mind and comes in every half hour or so to curl up on my lap for ten minutes to dry out and despite generous amounts of H2o we still have a hosepipe ban.

There was the expected drubbing for the Piss Poor Policies Millionaires Club Coalition at the “local” elections, I don’t think it was ‘midterm blues’ but the very few members of the populace that could actually be bothered to make their mark telling all politicians that we don’t trust them and no matter who is in power they are all the same.

And talking of one of the Piss Poor Policies Millionaires Club Coalition

Son of a B.....aronet and alien reptile in disguise George (the quail I have just had for lunch has a bigger IQ than me) Osborne reckons that mistakes in handling the Budget may have added to the Government’s problems.

And that the so-called ‘granny tax’, ‘pasty tax’, and ‘charity tax’ and cutting the 50p top tax rate overshadowed his moves to take less tax from the low-paid.

Writing in today’s flailing sail on Sunday, he says: ‘The way the Budget was presented meant this message wasn’t heard. I take responsibility for that.’

But despite this and the big Conservative losses on Thursday, he would not abandon the Coalition’s tough austerity programme.

However he does “understand the voters' pain”....

Oh no he fucking doesn’t, he doesn’t have to worry about paying the heating, Leccy, water, go juice and food bills or the rip orf mortgage rates because WE pay them all for him and if he needs anything else he can claim it on expenses or as a last resort dip into one of his bank accounts for some of his millions-arrogant bastard.....

And while unemployment creeps toward the ten percent mark

Allegedly Welfare-to-work providers are facing fraud checks after investigations into wrongdoing.

One in five investigations into alleged fraud at welfare-to-work providers over the past six years had "evidence of false representation" – such as forging client signatures to claim fees – with 10 cases referred to the police, the Piss Poor Policies Millionaires Club Coalition has revealed for the first time.

The figures help to uncover the full extent of misconduct in the industry and suggest wrongdoing could go beyond crisis-hit A4e, which is in the middle of a police investigation into alleged fraud.

A further 17% of 126 cases investigated by authorities since 2006 had "evidence of procedural non-compliance", the Department for Work and Pensions (DWP) disclosed in an answer to a written parliamentary question.

In total, 24 cases were found to have involved false representation and 22 had procedural non-compliance meaning almost 40pc of the 126 cases investigated had evidence of wrongdoing.  

The Dept of Witless Pillocks couldn’t organise a lazy lob in a brothel....

North of the border and North a bit more

It seems that Angus isn’t the only daft old fart about, John Macdonald, from Eriskay in the Outer Hebrides, celebrated his 80th birthday at the weekend by throwing himself 40 metres off Garry Bridge in Perthshire.

Mr Macdonald said: “I wasn’t afraid at all. I just wished I could have had a swim in the River Garry as well.

I have had diabetes for 48 years and, when I was lying in hospital in Rio in 1964, I reckoned I would be very lucky to live past the age of 60.

“To do this then was special and I hope this gives younger ones who have diabetes something to encourage them a bit: an old guy like me managing to do a bungee jump.

 

Nice one, I hope he had plenty of Fixodent in place.....

Left a lot to one of the high bits

The US Forest Service is considering explosives to move a bunch of frozen cows that died after getting stuck inside a cabin at 11,000 feet in Colorado’s Rocky Mountains.

The Aspen Daily News reported that agency officials are worried about the high fire danger and are looking at other solutions such as using helicopters or trucks.

The carcasses were discovered by two Air Force Academy cadets when they snow-shoed up to the cabin in late March. Officials believe the animals sought shelter during a snowstorm and got stuck.

The cabin is located near the Conundrum Hot Springs, a hiking area near Aspen in the Maroon Bells-Snowmass Wilderness area.

Or...they could use chainsaws and get the barby out.....

Dahn Unda and dahn a bit more

Claude the Tasmanian giant crab was saved from death when the fisherman who caught him sold him to a British aquarium for £3,000.

Now, after a 29-hour plane journey from Australia – where giant crab meat is a delicacy – and two weeks in quarantine, Claude is ready to meet his public.

He is the biggest crab on display in the UK and weighs a mighty 15lb with a 15-inch shell – enough to make 160 crab cakes.

Claude is 100 times bigger than a standard UK shore crab. Yet he is still a juvenile and will grow to double his weight.

Claude was caught off the coast of Tasmania last month, but was sold to the Sea Life group along with two other Tasmanian giant crabs.

He will go on display at the Sea Life centre in Weymouth, Dorset, on Thursday, and his two companions will be moved to other centres in Birmingham and Berlin if Claude responds well to his new home.

Currently he is being kept on his own in a specially made cylindrical tank, ten feet tall and six feet wide, but the aquarium will introduce some coldwater fish once he is settled.

Despite being saved from the pot he doesn’t look very happy-a bit “crabby”?

 

And finally:

Up a whimsy to “proper” Dahn Unda

Staff at a Dunedin park has voiced concerns about a drinking game called "possum," where players sit in trees and drink alcohol until they fall down from drunkenness, the Otago Daily Times reported.

Dunedin City Council spokesman Alan Matchett told the newspaper that local students started playing "possum" at the city's botanic gardens roughly four years ago, but the game has since gained popularity and it was not uncommon for garden staff to have to chase people away.

The gardens are located close to the University of Otago, a school with more than 20,000 students.

A university spokesman confirmed that university security staff had assisted the local council in keeping an eye on drunken students.

"There have been two occasions earlier this year where students have been located by Campus Watch [staff] in trees, drinking and causing a public nuisance in the Botanic Garden," the spokesman told the Daily Times.

"Because Campus Watch was involved in both cases, the students were required to clean up their litter and to meet with the proctor for disciplinary action."

For a proctology exam to see what happened to their brains....

 

That’s it: I’m orf to see if there are any Chicken Frogs in the moat.

And today’s thought:

The latest Coalition giveaway.

Angus

Once upon a time

In a land known as "dahn 'ere in 'Ampshire" lived a daft old fart who thought it would be a jolly jape to play chase with his young pussy.

Whilst chasing said young pussy up the garden he slipped on some wet grass and went arse over tip crash landing on his right elbow on what was part of the patio and is now crazy paving.

As the elbow swelled the daft old fart being of the male gender decided that if he ignored it, it would go away, three days later the elbow was the size and colour of a small pumpkin and the wiggley things on the end of his handie went numb he reluctantly went to see his general medic bloke who wrote a note saying how silly the daft old fart was and sent him (with note) to the most feared place in the area just over the border in Surrey-Grimley Dark.

The daft old fart managed to drive his carriage to the most feared place called Grimley Dark 'orspital and after many. many, many hours whilst watching the ransom on his carriage reach vast proportions was taken to have a magic picture taken and was relieved to find that the hard bits inside his elbow were still intact which meant that the organic mechanics didn't get their chance to slice and dice the damaged portion of his anatomy.

So after many, many many more hours (whilst the ransom on his carriage almost matched the deficit) the daft old fart was sent back to his Castle with a large paper bag full of pills and things and his arm encased in what seemed to be a drainpipe just to make it even more difficult to do "things".

What followed over the next four weeks were several more trips to his general medic bloke, more than three times several trips to the physiotherapy do-dah a couple of injections to the damaged elbow and the inability to blog.

Finally the drain pipe was removed, the pills ran out and his general medic bloke told him to sod orf the daft old fart was able to once again put fuctioning fingers to keyboard and produce his normal load of old bollocks.

So the rumours of my demise are greatly exagerated, and unfortunately for you I am still here...



And the moral of this sad tale-if you are a daft old fart and want to chase young pussy-wear spiked running shoes.


Angus

Aunties high cost rail: Most money-least tax: Bubble houses: Mac flashback: and an Elephant on mars.

A slight lack of warm stuff at the Castle this morn, but Dawn’s crack was quite impressive and the big yellow thing is climbing into the sky.

The garden is looking much better with more than a whimsy of wet stuff and I have been ‘spring cleaning’ the large cupboards-yet another trip to the “recycling centre” in due course, but I did find a sundial which has lain in repose for about thirty years (since the 1980s) and will go into the ‘new corner’ of the Castle grounds-pics to follow.

In “austerity” Blighty

According to the Torygraph the BBC has spent more than £2 million ferrying and flying staff and guests between London, Manchester and Salford in two years, despite promising to employ more people locally.

New figures show the public service broadcaster paid for more than 24,000 train journeys and at least 500 flights between the capital and the North West, where its new media centre is based.

The train travel bill totalled more than £1.84 million while air mileage cost licence fee-payers nearly £77,000.

The corporation’s bill for rail journeys increased by nearly 30 per cent in 12 months, the figures released under Freedom of Information laws show.

The statistics cover journeys made through the public broadcasters “central booking agents” for the financial years 2009/10 and 2010/11.

It covers journeys made by staff from all BBC departments and also includes travel undertaken by guests.

I can’t afford to use the chuff-chuffs anymore; still it is nice to know that Auntie is so generous...

Parallel universe time

Apparently alien reptile in disguise George (I have so much money that I need several bank accounts) Osborne is "shocked" that some of the UK's richest people have organised their finances so that they pay virtually no income tax.

George (oh god we have been rumbled) said he had seen "anonymised copies" of tax returns which showed him that some of the highest earners paid an income tax rate averaging at just 10%.

He said he would take "further action" but did not outline any new proposals.

At least not until he has managed to have a word with his accountants....

West to the warm bit of the ex-colonies (and back more than half a century)

The Bubble Houses are two historic bubble or airform houses located next to each other in Florida.

Completed in 1954 by Air-form, the Bubble Houses were designed by Eliot Noyes using the airform monolithic dome system developed by Wallace Neff, which consists of reinforced concrete cast in place over an inflated balloon to establish the house’s shape.

The original interiors of the houses consisted of a bathroom and open concept living, dining, and kitchen area on the 569 square feet (52.9 m2) main floor, with a loft-style, raised sleeping space above.

They were built to sell for $6,500. Shortly after their completion, it was stated that more than 3,000 people had toured the newly constructed bubble houses.

The two bubble houses were featured in Life magazine in its February 22, 1954, issue, which described them as “both hurricane-proof and bugproof”.

Not “inflation” proof though.....

A message to all those smug Mac users

Last Thursday the computer security industry buzzed with warnings that more than a half-million Macintosh computers may have been infected with a virus targeting Apple machines.

Flashback Trojan malware tailored to slip past "Mac" defences is a variation on viruses typically aimed at personal computers (PCs) powered by Microsoft's Windows operating systems.

The infections, spotted "in the wild" by Finland-based computer security firm F-Secure and then quantified by Russian anti-virus program vendor Dr. Web, come as hackers increasingly take aim at Apple computers.

"All the stuff the bad guys have learned for doing attacks in the PC world is now starting to transition to the Mac world," McAfee Labs director of threat intelligence Dave Marcus told AFP.

"Mac has said for a long time that they are not vulnerable to PC malware, which is true; they are vulnerable to Mac malware."

Dr. Web determined that more than 600,000 Mac computers may be infected with Flashback, which is designed to let hackers steal potentially valuable information such as passwords or financial account numbers.

Hackers trick Mac users into downloading the virus by disguising it as an update to Adobe Flash video viewing software.

  

You have been warned....

And finally:

There is an Elephant in the cosmos

The image above is actually of the dried flood of lava over the Elysium Planitia volcanic region of Mars, as captured by the Mars Reconnaissance Orbiter.

Wouldn’t want to have to clear up after that...

That’s it: I’m orf to look for goldfish in the moat

And today’s thought:

I hope u-turn Cam has the right clothes with him.

Angus