I give up

Or rather I didn’t; some two weeks and quite a few dark things ago I had an aberration, and decided that after forty five years I would give up the nicotine thingies.

Having absolutely no will power, and being allergic to the patch do-dahs and finding that the E-fag things are about as much use as a floppy on a porn set I had a word with the nice people dahn at the Tesco chemical dept and they “persuaded” me that the best way to go was a whatsit called Tampax Champix which I could start on immediately without having to go and see my general medic.

So orf I went home to the Castle Champix in hand and an appointment in a week’s time with an “advisor”.

I tried to read the "instructions" but as they were the size of a roll of wallpaper I lost the will to read about halfway dahn the second paragraph and unfortunately never made it to the "side effects" bit.

I started the next day on the little white ones, and after about half an hour the nausea started, then the headache, then the indigestion, then the dizziness, by day five I was confined to bed, bucket in hand, the room spinning, head throbbing, stomach heaving and joints aching, but I said to myself “self it will be worth it”.

On day eight I started on the blue ones-double amounts of nausea, dizziness, headache, constipation, bad dreams and urine production dahn to zero but I said to myself “self it may be worth it”.

By day ten I was still in the four poster, room spinning, head about to explode, stomach empty of all sustenance, nightmares, not a piss in days and then it happened, I started to go blind, I kid you not, the world slowly became fuzzier and fuzzier and then disappeared, so I said to myself “self it isn’t worth it”.

So I stopped the Tampax Champix ten days ago and have only just managed to find my left handed brain cell and regain a partial set of the alphabet, still have a whimsy of falling dahn and lying in vomit, still knackered, but I am now able to pee and eat. 

So I have given up-giving up, and as I sit here on the sofa with a nice cup of milky coffee and a smoke watching his Maj galloping around the garden I realise that there are far worse things in life than smoking.

 

But while in my vomit soaked, head bursting, spinning, arid bed I did come up with a few alternative pressies for those who may not be your favourite people.

 

The Ex-box

 

The Wee

 

And the Eye-pad.

 

 

Angus

 

 

Crimbo spirit: Eurostate: Keep it in your pants: Sleeping Policeman: A bit more street art: and the Unipiper.

Vast amounts of scrapey, scrapey stuff, very little atmospheric movement, vanishing amounts of solar stuff and not even a vapour of skywater at the Castle this morn.

Just returned from the stale bread, gruel and his Maj’s food and Dreamies run dahn Tesco, even more infested with Crimbo interweb thingy robots than Monday, and the prices are creeping up as “that” day nears.

 

Staying with the Season of goodwill

Parents criticised St Ann's C of E Primary School in Rainhill, Merseyside, after it announced they must pay £1.50 to watch five to seven–year–olds in the play this week.

Rebecca Wilkinson, head teacher, defended the move, saying the play will be held in the village hall for the first time.

She added that the cost will include refreshments.

Mrs Wilkinson said the decision to move the nativity play to the village hall was taken because parents complained that the school hall was too cramped for the production.

She said: "This will be a community event and the charge is non profit–making.

"We are charging less than we normally do for the juniors' play and that cost will incorporate mulled wine and mince pies."

But one parent said: "We regularly put our hands in our pockets already and the school is not short of money. It just had a big fund–raiser."

Another parent added: "It's a bit 'bah humbug', if you ask me."

 

Ah; the old Bah-Humbug defence....

 

Right to bit to what is left of the Euro thingy

Allegedly Eurozone countries would lose the right to set their own budgets and end up surrendering economic sovereignty to Brussels under a blueprint to “complete” the European Union’s single currency.

A master plan for “completion of economic and monetary union” has been set out in a confidential document to be discussed by EU leaders at a Brussels summit next week.

In the nine-page paper, seen by The Daily Telegraph, Herman Van Rompuy, the president of the European Council – the monthly summits of EU leaders – charts a series of steps from ongoing financial reforms to overall political union for the eurozone. “The general objective will be to aim for a progressive pooling of economic sovereignty at the European level,” the paper states.

Mr Van Rompuy expects the EU to have agreed an “operational framework” to give the European Central Bank (ECB) the role as single eurozone banking supervisor by March next year, despite continuing splits between France and Germany over the policy.

Then, by 2014, the plan requires all eurozone countries to “enter into individual arrangements of a contractual nature with EU institutions on the measures and reforms they commit to undertake and on the means for their implementation”.

In the final stage, all eurozone countries will essentially surrender fiscal sovereignty with an “increasing degree of common decision-making on national budgets and an enhanced co-ordination of economic policies”.

 

I blame Osborne....

 

Left to the home of the law and the land of the knob

A US judge has ordered a man with nine children to stop procreating until he can afford to pay for them.

Corey Curtis, 44, of Racine, Wisconsin, was told to stop breeding as a condition of probation until he can financially support his nine children from six different women, The Smoking Gun reported.

Racine County Judge Tim Boyle sentenced Curtis to the rare punishment as a condition of a three-year probation order for failing to pay $50,000 in child support, plus another $40,000 in interest.

"Common sense dictates you shouldn't have kids you can't afford," Judge Boyle said. "I will make that a condition of the probation."

Curtis told CBS 58 that he planned to comply with the condition.

 

 

That’ll stop him lying around in bed....

 

Dahn to the place that is now called Mexico

 

A member of Mexico's Presidential guard flies off his motorcycle while leading the Presidential convoy when he failed to notice a speed bump.

 

Bet that stung....

 

From all over everywhere; some more street art.

 

 

 

And finally:

 

Left again to Oregon

 

 

Comes the Unipiper.

 

That’s it: I’m orf to batter the moon

 

And today’s thought:

That’s all I am going to leave you in your pocket

 

 

Angus

12 Days of Crimbo

 

Climate Aid: Vandals cancel Crimbo: Bangers and Crimbo: Brain puzzle: Nyasasaurus parringtoni: and driving Dogs.

A whimsical layer of white fluffy stuff, a whatnot of atmospheric movement and nary a glimmer of solar stuff at the Castle this morn, the butler is running out of fat, carbon neutral teenagers to feed to the furnace and his Maj is in the study clinging to the radiator.

 

 

And as we all sit here clenching our sphincters in anticipation of the “Autumn Statement”

It turns out that the Piss Poor Policies Millionaires Club Coalition has managed to find £2 billion squids to give to foreign projects including wind turbines in Africa and greener cattle farming in Colombia.

Allegedly the inhabitants of every Castle in backward Blighty will “contribute” £70 to schemes to tackle climate change in developing countries before March 2015, under plans championed by Ed Davey, the Liberal Democrat Energy Secretary.

At a United Nations climate change talks in Doha, Qatar shit for brains Davey gave details of £150 million in new projects as part of Britain’s £1.8 billion in “climate aid” for poorer countries within three years – the equivalent of £70 per household.

Mr Davey said the money should be spent because “climate change is a global threat and with every passing year, the nature and the extent of that threat grows clearer”.

 

Apparently what’s his name-the Deputy Prime Monster hailed the cash as “fantastic news”.

 

Oh fuck, fuck, fuck, fuck, fuck, fuck, fuck---ing hell.

 

Still in Elfandsafety Blighted Blighty

 

Up Norfish in Stanley Durham a nice eight foot metal Crimbo tree with thousands of twinkly blue lights was taken dahn because it was running on 240 volts, Durham County Councillor Carl Marshall, who helped organise the festival, said: 'The tree was metal and covered in LEDs.

'If anyone was to open up a junction box or was messing about with it then there was good risk that they would not just get a little shock.

'It would be a fatality.

 

Just like every lamp post in the land then....

 

Still in the up bit of our white and freezing democracy

A butcher has created a festive dinner – all in one sausage.

James Taylor, 32, and his wife Heather have created Santa’s Grills, which includes sprouts, bacon, chestnuts and sausage meat.

And the sausages, which cost £8 a kilo, have been a hit with customers at their market stall, Bobbys Bangers, in Oldham, Greater Manchester.

“They’re going like hotcakes,” James said. “We’re selling around 2,500 sausages a week.”

He has even made a mince pie banger: “They’re sweet, but a nice change from the norm,” he added.

 

That’s me sorted for Crimbo then.....

 

West to the home of allergies and the land of leaks

Aundrea Aragon had complained for months about her runny nose was horrified to find out that fluid was leaking from her brain.

Several doctors had reassured Aundrea Aragon from Tucson, Arizona, that the clear liquid was simply caused by allergies.

"I was scared to death and desperate," the 35-year-old mother said. "I knew it could not be allergies. The fluid would come out like a puddle."

The steroids and antibiotics she was prescribed had no effect.

"I was walking around with toilet paper shoved up my nose and changing it every ten minutes," Mrs Aragon recalled.

Surgeons at the University of Arizona eventually noticed two small cracks in the back of her sphenoid sinus, which were caused by cerebral pressure.

Using an endoscopic procedure, doctors were able to avoid invasive surgery and fix the condition with a minimal recovery period.

They used tissue from her nose and belly to repair the cracks.

 

I wondered what that grey stuff was last time I sneezed....

 

Back in the bowels of London's Natural History Museum

“They” have apparently discovered the first dinosaur to have walked the Earth, a mysterious fossil specimen that has been in the museum's collection for decades has now been identified as most likely coming from a dinosaur that lived about 245 million years ago - 10 to 15 million years earlier than any previously discovered examples.

It has been named Nyasasaurus parringtoni after southern Africa's Lake Nyasa, now called Lake Malawi, and Cambridge University's Rex Parrington, who collected the specimen at a site near the lake in the 1930s.

The creature was about the size of a Labrador dog.

That’ll help the economy....

 

And finally:

 

Dahn Unda and right a bit

 

A New Zealand animal welfare group has spent eight weeks teaching three of its shelter dogs to drive.

The Auckland SPCA says it wanted to show how intelligent dogs were to encourage more people to adopt them.

Three dogs were chosen from a group of seven and given daily training exercises to familiarise themselves with the mechanics of driving.

After just eight weeks Porter, Monty and Ginny were put behind the wheels of an adapted Mini Cooper and reportedly managed to put it in gear, accelerate and steer.

So far, the dogs have been driving with the help of an assistant inside the car, but their next challenge is to drive solo on live television.

Auckland SPCA Chief Christine Kalin said: "They will hop in, start the car, put it into gear, and use the accelerator.

"It's an off-road raceway track and at all times we have a remote capacity to stop the car should we need to."

Ms Kalin described the three pooches as "highly adoptable", adding: "They are very intelligent, but they aren't any more special than any of the other SPCA dogs.

"Our dream would be throughout our major cities and across Australasia will be people will be proud of owning a rescue dog."

 

That can steal your car.....

 

That’s it: I’m orf to press the red button

 

And today’s thought:

Think I prefer cold weather

 

Angus

Willy Windsor: A grand (and a bit) Days Work: Private Finance Idiot: Tesco Bird Bandits: Scum Villages: Treegonometry: and an Eight year old snack.

More than a lot of lack of warm, minimal amounts of atmospheric movement, minus amounts of skywater and missing solar stuff at the Castle this morn.

 

 

Allegedly Pippa’s sister has been banged up by some tall bald bloke and is in ‘Orspital with a touch of morning sickness, that’ll teach em.

 

All across up the duff Blighty

Doctors are earning £1,200 for a single day’s work due to high demand for out-of-hours GPs.

Some are even being paid bonuses for going out and visiting patients rather than dealing with them over the phone according to the Daily Turdygraph

Younger GPs are shunning the traditional route of working their way up in a practice, they say, in favour of locuming which enables them to earn up to £20,000 a month.

Carmen Marshall, who runs The Locum GP Consultancy in Luton Beds said hourly rates, had risen in the past five years because of a paucity of GPs.

She said the £1,200 figures tended to be for 12-hour shifts on bank holidays.

A spokesman for the British Medical Association said locums were in general paid less than partner GPs. He added: “Locums have always been part of the workforce.”

 

No wonder the NHS is going tits up...

 

Son of a ........Baronet

And alien reptile in disguise George (I have an IQ lower than a turd) Osborne is to announce a new generation of PFI schemes, but allegedly he will introduce safeguards to ensure the taxpayer shares in any profits.

Companies involved in the private finance projects will also be forced to disclose their profits following fears that unjustified “windfalls” have been made at the expense of taxpayers because of poorly designed schemes.

In his Autumn Statement tomorrow, the Chancellor will announce a programme called PF2, to replace the original scheme. It will be used to finance a new generation of hospitals, schools, roads and other taxpayer-funded projects.

“Mr” Osborne will also disclose that he will save £2.5 billion by helping Whitehall departments and local authorities to renegotiate their current PFI deals.

The Government is committed to paying £229 billion in the coming decades for PFI schemes that were agreed by previous administrations to build public services. The schemes have been undermined by allegations that taxpayers are forced to pay hundreds of pounds for basic maintenance such as changing a light bulb.

More than 20 NHS trusts are facing serious financial instability and resultant problems with paying for medical services because of the costs of the schemes.

The first PF2 project is expected to be a £1.7 billion scheme to rebuild and renovate 219 schools. Work is expected to begin in the spring.

The “Chancellor” will also outline plans for an expansion in gas-generated power stations, with 30 plants to be providing electricity by 2030.

This marks a victory over the Liberal Democrats, who wished to move towards greener energy.

 

Oh good, can’t wait, mainly because I will be dead by 2030......

 

Norf of the border

A 24-hour Tesco store has resorted to closing late at night in order to evict a couple of persistent visitors.

Two birds – a robin and a 
pigeon – have been making themselves at home at the Tesco Extra store in Inshes, Inverness, defying repeated attempts by managers to bar them. The pair has taken to circling the checkouts and loitering in the cafe window, searching for scraps of food dropped by 
customers.

Managers have now been reduced to cutting the store’s opening hours in an attempt to deal with the birds as effectively as possible, while keeping the inconvenience to customers at a minimum.

An assistant at the supermarket said: “We’ve had to start closing the store for a while at 11pm, when it’s quiet. All the staff has to go to the staff room and wait while the birds are chased out of the store.”

 

Morrisons has better fruit and veg.....

 

Right a bit to the land of the “Dam”

Amsterdam is to create "Scum villages" where nuisance neighbours and anti-social tenants will be exiled from the city and re-housed in caravans or containers with "minimal services" under constant police supervision.

Social housing problem families or tenants who do not show an improvement or refuse to go to the special units face eviction and homelessness.

Eberhard van der Laan, Amsterdam's Labour mayor, has tabled the £810,000 plan to tackle 13,000 complaints of anti-social behaviour every year. He complained that long-term harassment often leads to law abiding tenants, rather than their nuisance neighbours, being driven out.

"This is the world turned upside down," the mayor said at the weekend.

The project also involves setting up a special hotline and system for victims to report their problems to the authorities.

The new punishment housing camps have been dubbed "scum villages" because the plan echoes a proposal from Geert Wilders, the leader of a populist Dutch Right-wing party, for special units to deal with persistent troublemakers.

"Repeat offenders should be forcibly removed from their neighbourhood and sent to a village for scum," he suggested last year. "Put all the trash together."

There are already several small-scale trial projects in the Netherlands, including in Amsterdam, where 10 shipping container homes have been set aside for persistent offenders, living under 24-hour supervision from social workers and police.

Under the new policy, from January next year, victims will no longer have to move to escape their tormentors, who will be moved to the new units.

A team of district "harassment directors" have already been appointed to spot signals of problems and to gather reports of nuisance tenants.

The Dutch Parool newspaper observed that the policy was not a new one. In the 19th century, troublemakers were moved to special villages in Drenthe and Overijssel outside Amsterdam. The villages were rarely successful, becoming sink estates for the lawless.

"We have learned from the past," said the mayor's spokesman. "A neighbourhood can deal with one problem family but if there are more the situation escalates."

 

Take note Piss Poor Policies Millionaires Club Coalition---"We have learned from the past,"

  

Back in almost Crimbo Blighty

 

The formula for decorating the perfect Christmas tree has been cracked.

Getting the correct ratio of lights and tinsel is also crucial to lighting up your life, say students at Sheffield University's maths society.

Their calculations suggest the tree-topping angel or star should be precisely one tenth the size of the tree. The number of lights required is found by multiplying the mathematical constant Pi (3.14) by the height of the tree in centimetres.

For example, a 183cm (6ft) tree needs 574cm of lights (183 x 3.14) or 18ft 9in. But perfection is only obtainable with 37 baubles and 920cm (30ft) of tinsel.

'The formulas took us about two hours to complete,' said formula creators Nicole Wrightham and Alex Craig, both 20. 'We hope they'll play a part in making Christmas a bit easier for everyone.'

The work was commissioned by department store Debenhams.

Christmas decorations buyer Sarah Theobold said: 'The formula is so versatile it will work for a tree large enough for the Royal Family at Balmoral but also on trees small enough for modest homes.'

 

Nah: the picture is what the perfect Crimbo tree looks like-still in the ground....

 

And finally:

 

Left to the place where mammals are kept in captivity

An eight-year-old girl has had a lucky escape after a dolphin she was feeding bit her at a US theme park.

Jillian Thomas was holding out fish to feed to dolphins at Orlando's SeaWorld when she got an unexpected surprise.

While she was feeding the usually friendly mammals, a dolphin lunged at her and nipped her hand.

The girl, whose parents posted the video on YouTube to make other people aware of the dangers, suffered three small puncture wounds.

Jillian's father, Jamie Thomas, told local media the family were angry at the theme park for not warning them of the dangers of dolphin feeding.

"We felt powerless," he said.

"We thought, look, we've got this video, let's make it public, and let's try to put some pressure on SeaWorld to make some changes."

 

How about realising that feeding a large mammal with teeth by hand could be a bit chancy you twonk....but did it do it on Porpoise.....

 

That’s it: I’m orf to bung my flash memory in the oven

 

And today’s thought:

One dahn one to go.

 

 

Angus

Dorries does the Lash: Up your executive pay: One is amused: Skiing Santa’s: and Moved to move.

A whimsy of skywater, a breath of atmospheric movement, a rise in the lack of cold and not a bleedin sign of solar stuff at the Castle this morn, just returned from the stale bread, gruel and his Maj’s food run dahn Tesco, more than usually infested with internet robots, apparently there is something called Crimbo on the horizon.

 

Ex Dahn Unda Dorries

Has sadly come back  to blighted Blighty and is apparently going to return to the Turdyparty lash very soon.

Nadger Nadine who met with Chief Lash Sir George for a brief 15minute meeting last week reckons that she was given permission to take a holiday by the former chief whip Andrew Mitchell, although Mr Mitchell said he did not know why she need the time away from the Commons.

But allegedly senior party sources said that, while it was a matter for Sir George Young, the chief whip, she had not done enough to make amends with fellow Tory MPs.

 

Oh dear; maybe if she chewed on a few more lamb’s testicles and ostrich anus’s they will relent...or not....

 

According to The High Pay Centre think tank

The average pay of chief executives trebled over the past decade, in the face of the banking crisis, recession and public anger over bonuses.

And.......the pay of company executives has increased by an average of 12% in the last financial year.

Deborah Hargreaves, director of the High Pay Centre, said: "There has been no clear change in the boardroom culture and no recognition that these pay awards are unacceptable.

"It's wrong that Britain's bosses are taking home more and more money as their companies shrink, their employees are squeezed and jobs are being lost.

"Chief executives are hoping that their big bonus and their inflated rewards culture will escape attention now that the banking crisis has passed.

"These pay increases are damaging to the economy and to the morale of Britons struggling to make a living."

Most of the growth in top pay in recent years has been in bonuses, shares, long-term incentive plans and new "innovative" wage structures, the report said.

A Department for Business spokesman said: "We have taken firm action to reform the framework for executive pay, so that shareholders have the right tools to challenge companies when pay is excessive.

 

Yeah right: so why is Andrew Morris the CEO of Grimly Dark Orspital earning more than the Prime Monster?

 

And the old Nags hubby

 

Is famous!

A photo of Prince Charles trying his hand at DJ-ing has been voted the funniest royal picture of all time.

The snap of the heir to the throne wearing massive headphones and spinning the decks topped a poll.

 

Oh joy....

 

Left to the home of the ski slopes and the land of Crimbo

A bunch of Santa’s has hit the slopes at a Maine ski resort.

Nearly 300 skiers and snowboarders decked out in red and white were gathering at the Sunday River resort for the annual "Santa Sunday" event. Spokeswoman Darcy Morse says 292 of them pre-registered.

The 13th annual event raises money for the Bethel Rotary Club's annual holiday toy drive.

Those who participated showed up in a Santa outfit and donated $10 or more to the toy drive. Participants got to ski free for the day and receiving another lift ticket good through to Dec. 14.


I would like to point out that these are not the real Santa; he prefers to use a Stardust Antimatter Propulsion Engine to get about.

 

And finally:

 

A while ago I posted on a road built around a house in China

 

Now it seems that the defiant elderly couple who refused to leave their home, forcing planners to build a motorway around their apartment block, has admitted defeat.

The five-storey building, which stood in the middle of the highway as a symbol of resistance, has been demolished by authorities in China.

Planners in Wenling, Zhejiang province, wanted the apartment block demolished so they could build an access road to a new railway station

The house was eventually bulldozed yesterday after its owner, elderly Luo Baogen and his wife, agreed to accept 260,000 Yuan (£26,000) in compensation.

 

Less tax of course....

 

That’s it: I’m orf to drill a fracking hole in the garden

 

And today’s thought:

 

Angus

Exorcise your demons: Another Boris balls up: Brazil’s bums: Fake plane crash: Real plane crash: and the Unicorn Lair.

Even more layers of scrapey-scrapey stuff, even less lack of cold, just about the same amount of atmospheric movement, quite a lot of Keats and sod all solar stuff at the Castle this morn.

The battery in the Honda is a bit low on charge (lack of use) and it needs a good run to get it charged up, if I can raise the funds for go juice.

 

East to the land of Latin stuff

The Catholic diocese of Milan has doubled the number of priests who practice exorcism and set up a hotline to deal with the volume of calls.

In an interview published on a Church-affiliated news website, it said it had increased the number of specially trained priests from six to 12.

It has also published the names and mobile telephone numbers of priests able to deal with such requests.

The number, set up in early November, will run for a few hours each day.

People calling it will be able to book an appointment to see a local priest with specific training.

Monsignor Angelo Mascheroni, who has trained priests to carry out exorcisms for the past 15 years, said demand had soared recently.

"Often, parents call me saying that their son or daughter doesn't go to school, that they are taking drugs or rebelling. There's no demon there but, at the age of 18, young people don't want any more limitations. It's important to be able to discern the different situations," Monsignor Mascheroni said.

 

Well; bugger them.....

 

Barmy Boris is well on his way to the Prime Monster’s job

His latest cunning plan while cycling around India is to lower the top rate of income tax for those who are not “all in this together” to 30pees in the squid.

Speaking yesterday on the final day of his tour, bonkers Boris said: “You’ve got tax rates here of only 30 per cent – a point George Osborne might like to brood on.

Asked later whether he would stand for parliament and eventually launch a Conservative Party leadership attempt, balls up Boris said: “Three-and-a-half years in politics … we will have to see what will happen.” However, he then added when asked about becoming Prime Monster: “I can assure you that it is about as likely as me being decapitated by a Frisbee.”

 

Look out Boris incoming Frisbee....

 

West to the land of pubic services

 

Next Friday is the grand finale of Brazil's annual Miss Bumbum pageant in Sao Paulo. Fifteen curvy young ladies are competing after surviving an online eliminatory round that drew representatives of the country's 26 states and the federal district Brasilia.

The contestants worked hard to prepare for the final, including taking surfing and jungle training courses to tighten their buns.

 

Should have gorn to Specsavers....

 

Up to the home of the news and the land of the cock up

 

A Chicago TV station spent about 15 minutes reporting on a plane crash that turned out to be simulated for the TV series "Chicago Fire."

WGN-TV reported on the crash, which was a simulated scene around 8 a.m. Friday for NBC series "Chicago Fire," complete with a small plane with its left wing splintered off, police cars and ambulance and extras acting as spectators, WMAQ-TV, Chicago, reported Friday.

Police said they did not receive any calls about the fake plane crash, but the Chicago Fire Department sent out an alert asking residents to disregard the scene.

Had the same sort of thing at the Castle a few years ago-almighty explosion from the “common” just up the road-shook all the windows, turned out to be a scene from a Bond film that “they” didn’t want anyone to know about....

 

And now a real plane crash

 

A Venezuelan Air Force jet performed for crowds during an air show at the Maracay-El Libertador airbase.

Video footage filmed by a bystander shows the Chinese Hongdu K-8 jet-trainer making a low pass over the airfield when the nose of the plane dips suddenly.

The crew make the split-second decision to eject from the aircraft. Their parachutes can be seen deploying as the aircraft slams into the ground, where it is quickly consumed by a fireball. Both crew members survived the crash.

 

That’s the way to do it...

 

And finally:

 

Up a bit from the country of dodgy jets

According to “researchers” the existence of the unicorn has been proven.

Archaeologists "reconfirmed" the existence of a "unicorn lair" in Pyongyang, once used by an ancient Korean king.

The report quotes Jo Hui Sung, director of North Korea's history institute, explaining how the find tallies with information in history books from the 16th century.

He says: "Korea's history books deal with the unicorn, considered to be ridden by King Tongmyong, and its lair.

"The temple served as a relief palace for King Tongmyong, in which there is the lair of his unicorn."

The Korean Central News Agency reports that archaeologists made the extraordinary discovery when they spotted a rectangular rock carved with the words "unicorn lair" 200m from the city's Yongmyong temple.

 

There’s a bit of luck a signpost...

 

That’s it: I’m orf to do a bit of [biomimicry] with a bottle

 

And today’s thought:

Move over “Dave”

 

 

 

Angus