Pie in the sky gas: Dahn Unda Army for sale: Scary skateboarding: Pancake machine: and a helium bridge.

A touch of skywater, a whimsy of white fluffy stuff, a memory of lack of cold, an absence of atmospheric movement and less solar stuff than you could shake an icicle at, at the Castle this morn.

Just returned from the stale bread (still £1.45) gruel (now 89p) and his Maj’s food (up to £3.68) run dahn dobbin’s deli (otherwise known as Tesco), usual mayhem, many, many interweb robots cruising about grabbing everything in sight for those too idle to get orf their arses and do their own shopping.

 

Apparently the shit for brains Millionaires Club Coalition

And especially Energy Secretary Ed Davey wants us to provide up to £4bn to meet the cost of any of the six leading energy suppliers going out of business, although the collapse of one of the major groups is rated as highly unlikely the Government wants contingency plans in place to safeguard against the risk of consumers being left in the dark and the economy suffering.

“Four of the six – EDF of France, E.ON and Npower of Germany and Scottish Power, owned by Iberdrola of Spain – are subsidiaries of powerful global groups, while UK businesses Centrica and Scottish & Southern Electric are big players in their own right.

The commitment of the foreign-owned groups to the UK market is not being questioned but analysts feel the Government does not want to find its self helpless if the parent faces a crisis and the UK subsidiary suffers.”

But a cost recovery programme outlined in an Energy Department consultation paper on the issue, open for comments until March 15, shows how the rescue costs could trickle down and leave consumers saddled with paying for the rescue for five years.

Under what the department says is the worst case and least likely scenario household bills could rise by between £7 and £32 a year on average over the period, equivalent to a maximum contribution of £4bn on the basis of 25.5m households in the UK.

 

Nice: Now who was it that sold orf our nationalised Gas and Leccy companies-oh yes it was the Conservatives under Thatcher the snatcher....

 

Dahn Unda

Starting in March, up to 12,000 vehicles including Land Rovers, trucks, semi-trailers, tankers, motorcycles and trailers, valued at more than $100 million, will be sold by Sydney-based firm Australian Frontline Machinery.

Most are about 25 years old with 125,000km on the clock and not a bullet hole in sight, in either khaki or camouflage paint scheme.

They range in quality from rolled-over write-offs to near-pristine vehicles fitted with premium accessories.

Defence is buying a new vehicle fleet for $7 billion with phase three of the project to deliver about 4600 light and heavy vehicles worth $3.1 billion. During the coming years the government will also sell hundreds of planes, ships, helicopters, armoured vehicles, explosives and weapons as it moves to replace 85 per cent of military equipment.

The sale of combat equipment is subject to strict rules to prevent it falling into the hands of potential enemies or dodgy dictators. Countries such as Fiji, Syria, Yemen and Iran, and companies dealing with such regimes, are on the banned list.

 

Maybe Blighty’s Piss Poor Policies Millionaires Club Coalition will be interested.

 

Up a bit to Sarf Africa

 

A professional skateboarder is potentially facing jail time after uploading a video that purports to show him skating at an astounding 68 mph through the middle of traffic.

South African skater Decio Lourenco faces the charges after Cape Town city officials say his high-speed skating actually triggered a speed camera. The speed limit in the town Lourenco was skating through is reportedly 37 mph.

“All that was needed was for one of those motorists to panic and swerve into the oncoming traffic and you have a large number of deaths, as we have already had on that road, safety spokesman Jean-Pierre Smith, told the New York Daily News. "If we don't take action against him, every other aspirant skateboarder will try it and one of them will come to a sticky end."

 

Numpty-or otherwise known as a donor....

 

With shrove thingy arriving tomorrow

 

Here is something that could prevent all those ceiling adornments and overdone pancakes, four design engineers, commissioned by The Happy Egg Company, spent more than 200 hours to construct the Pancake–omatic and another 100 hours to test it.

To ensure the pancakes are as fresh as can be designers installed a luxury nest throne for the hen to lay her egg in.

It then travels along a spinning gramophone record before being mixed with other pancake ingredients and flipped on to a plate.

 

“Don't worry, Gromit! Everything's under control!”

 

And finally:

 

From Tatton Park in Cheshire, England

Cometh the helium bridge, created by French artist Olivier Grossette for a 'Flights of Fancy' themed outdoor sculpture exhibition, Picture: Olivier Grossette/ Splash News.

 

Like it....

 

That's it: I'm orf to go retro

 

Today’s thought:

That's mine done, now how many do you want?

 

  

And today’s mellow melody:

As mellow as you can get

 

 

Angus

 

Cough up your Airfix: Flying de-daws: “Racist” duck: Killer Seal: and the Tel Aviv rip-orf:

Visible drizzle, invisible lack of cold, risible atmospheric movement and sod all solar activity at the Castle this morn, after the saga of the hot water debacle a while ago it has gorn tits up again, so I had a nice cold wash and shave followed by a nice warm electric shower, luckily the fat, carbon neutral teenagers inserted into the furnace are keeping me nice and warm.

Why do these things always happen on a Sunday...?

 

All across build it Blighty

There are old farts holding onto Airfix models that they made back in the thirties, forties, fifties and beyond but now you can get a bit of use from them, the Royal Air Force Museum will chart the history of Airfix since the company began in 1939 and is due to feature kits, as well as artwork from the boxes.

However, the curators are struggling to locate several models, especially from the firm’s heyday in the 1950s and 1960s. They are seeking any toys, either still in their boxes, or fully built, from that period, either from the company’s military range, or some of its more diverse collections.

Among particular requests it has made are for: the first kit of a Massey Ferguson tractor; its first Spitfire; models from its historical figures range, which included Joan of Arc, Henry VIII, Oliver Cromwell and Charles I; ships, including HMS Endeavour — Captain Cook’s vessel — and a Hawker P1127, a prototype of the Harrier jump jet.

Although most of the toys which the museum, in Hendon, north London, wants to display should be immaculately assembled and well decorated, it also wants to feature several less successful efforts, which may have been preserved.

Airfix was founded in 1939 by Nicholas Kove, a refugee from Hungary who originally manufactured rubber inflated toys. The name was chosen because part of the process involved fixing air into products and so the company would appear at the front of business directories.

After the Second World War he switched to producing plastic combs, before the company started to produce toy kits, with the first Spitfire appearing in 1953. By the mid-1970s, the firm was selling about 20 million kits a year. But fell into decline in the 1980s as computer games became more popular. However, the company — owned by the train set maker Hornby since 2006 — still sells about 3.5 million kits a year and features up to date kits from the current conflict in Afghanistan.

 

You can contact the museum HERE if you are so inclined.

 

I’m orf to the loft....

 

West to the land of pubic haircuts

 

The Brazilian town of Santo Antônio da Platina, spiders known as Anelosimus eximius were shot ( in the photographic sense) by Erick Reis as they showered the sky. Marta Fischer, a local biologist, is quoted as saying (translated), “…They are usually in trees during the day and in the late afternoon and early evening construct a sort of sheet webs, each makes his and then they come together. The goal is to capture insects.” She also says this phenomenon is normal.

 

Fuck that...more than a lot....

 

Up a fairway to the warm non-snowy bit of the Americas

 

Allegedly a second family in as little as a week has come forward with allegations that a Disneyland character snubbed them because they were black.

The White family said they took their son, Ryder, to Disneyland to celebrate his birthday in December.

The day was going well until Razzi White, 5, walked up to a performer in a Donald Duck costume at the park's Main Street.

'He was sitting there with his arms open, saying, 'Donald, Donald!' said mother Nastasia White.

Nastasia claims that rather than play with her son, Donald deliberately walked away from him to play with a white baby in a stroller.

The Whites said they waited patiently for their turn - long enough that even the baby's parents urged Donald to play with Razzi - but Donald ignored them.

Nastasia asked for picture, but says Donald instead went to a young white girl on a bench and hugged her.

 

Time to get the orange sauce out methinks....

 

East many-many imperial units and dahn just as much

Apparently a voracious cape fur seal has been boldly snacking on large sharks; as dozens of blue sharks gathered around and gorging on an enormous ball of bait fish.

Chris Fallows said: "There were eight guests aboard our vessel; many of them seasoned wildlife enthusiasts. None had ever seen anything like this as sharks of this size are certainly not usually considered food for seals.

"In more than 2,000 expeditions working with sharks over the last 21 years, this is the only time I have ever seen a seal kill several sharks and I can find no record of such an event happening elsewhere."

The seal consumed the stomach and livers of the first two sharks, before killing three others.

And the moral-don’t mess with the seal.

 

And finally:

 

Norf a bit and East a bit

 

Road workers have been caught on camera towing a car away in Tel Aviv - after painting a disabled parking space around the vehicle.

Hila Ben Baruch was ordered to pay £170, plus towing costs, after being accused of illegally parking in the Israeli city.

The angry motorist, who had parked near her apartment, later uncovered surveillance footage of the shocking incident and posted it on Facebook.

"You just see it and can't believe it," she wrote on the social network where the video received hundreds of likes.

"Within five minutes they turned me into a criminal. But who cares? The important thing is that Tel Aviv sucked some more blood."

Ms Ben Baruch has since received an apology from the local city hall who waived the fine after admitting it was a 'serious error'.

But that was not enough to satisfy Ms Ben Baruch who is now threatening legal proceedings.

"I don't plan to keep quiet, not even for a moment" she insisted.

 

As U-Turn Cam would say “calm dahn dear”.....

 

That’s it: I’m orf to check out my anti-virus

 

Today’s thought:

Oh shit that’s not the bloke from Tesco is it?

 

 

And today’s mellow melody

A bit of moon lute

 

 

Angus

Feeling a bit horse: Surviving-at a price: Women wear the pants in Paris: Fast chuff-chuff—big brakes: and Dear, dear Mr Bean.

The suns not out, the sky’s not blue, there’s loads of clouds to spoil the view but who gives a shit, I’m warm and dry at the Castle this morn.

Not posted properly for a while, my one remaining left handed brain cell seemed to have run out of alphabet and went into standby mode, but after eating a couple of Findus lasagnes from Tesco my “mind” is racing I seem to be back on the gallop with the bit between my teef, full of unbridled enthusiasm and it looks like you are saddled with me for a while.

 

And talking of equine entrées

 

It seems that the secretary for the environment is to meet representatives from the Food Standards Agency and meat retailers and suppliers to discuss the horsemeat scandal.

Owen Paterson said investigations into how beef products had been contaminated with horsemeat were ongoing but "the evidence so far suggests... its either criminal activity or gross negligence".

Tesco, Aldi and Findus have all had to withdraw food products.

Food minister David Heath said frozen food should not be discarded, and advised consumers to carry on eating meat unless told otherwise.

The FSA has asked UK firms to test all processed beef foods, but said it did not "suspect there is any health issue with frozen food".

And Mr Heath said the government's advice was "exactly that" of the FSA.

 

That’s good because I like horses-roasted, grilled, fried, minced and especially anti inflamed....

 But if you are into dobbin dinners here are a couple of cheap, tasty recipes:

Pot-au-feu de cheval (horse stew)

Take meat of the second class (flank, topside, collar), place in cold water and cook over a gentle fire, removing the foam and grease as you bring it to the boil. Add salt, a clove of garlic, caramelised onion and a colouring of vegetables, such as leek, turnip, celery, cabbage etc. Leave to cook for seven or eight hours on a moderate fire.

Cheval à la Parisienne

Cook turnips in horse grease; add boiled horsemeat in thin rashers, with salt and pepper; wet with a little horse bouillon; add parsley, chives or shallots, and a dash of vinegar.

 

Num,num, num....

 

West to the home of the second amendment and the land of the citadel

A group of survivalists is inviting people to apply for places in a walled, medieval-style city it wants to build in the woods of northern Idaho.

The proposed fortress community, where residents would be required to own weapons and stand ready to defend the compound if society collapses, would have room inside for up to 7,000 families.

The citadel's promoter, Christian Kerodin was convicted in 2004 on federal extortion charges, and on charges that he illegally possessed a firearm when he posed as a counter-terrorism expert trying to coerce shopping mall owners to hire him to improve security.

He served 30 months in federal prison.

Apparently the compound's primary goal is defending "against a grid-down economic collapse scenario".

Residents would be required to stock enough food and water to last a year.

A 1,200sq ft house in the citadel would cost $686 (£438) a month, whether it was located within or outside the compound's walls.

Allegedly several hundred people have already paid a $208 (£133) fee to apply to live there.

The on-site gun factory would manufacture semi-automatic pistols and AR-15-style rifles, the type of weapon used in the December massacre at Sandy Hook Elementary in Connecticut,

 

Ah, the old Idaho survivalist I want your money ploy....

 

East to the capital of neighburgers

It seems that after many, many years “ladies” will finally be allowed to wear trousers in “gay” Paris.

A French politician has now decriminalised potentially thousands of Parisian women by saying that the law is incompatible with modern French values.

Najat Vallaud-Belkacem, the minister for women's rights, said in a statement that while the order had not been taken off the statutes, it had been made irrelevant by changes in French law.

She said: "This order was aimed, first of all, at limiting the access of women to certain offices or occupations by preventing them from dressing in the manner of men.

"This order is incompatible with the principles of equality between women and men. From that incompatibility stems the implicit abrogation of the order."

City chiefs had originally issued the order in 1800 forcing women to seek permission from police if they wanted to "dress like a man".

The order was later amended in 1892 and 1909 to allow women to wear trousers if they were "holding a bicycle handlebar or the reins of a horse."

 

Or a burger, lasagne, sausage or any other part of an  equus ...

 

Even further East to the land of non-existent radiation

 

A Japanese railway company on Friday unveiled a new Shinkansen bullet train featuring an improved brake system that can reduce the stopping distance to 300-400 meters while speeding at 270 kilometres per hour.

The Central Japan Railway Company said the upgraded brake system would enhance safety during emergencies like earthquakes.

A large number of railway users witnessed the departure of the company's first upgraded train -- N700A -- from the Tokyo station on Friday morning, Japan's NHK broadcaster reported.

The new model's top speed remains at 270 kilometres per hour, but its improved brake system can reduces its stopping distance from top speed by 300 to 400 meters while the current model requires three to four kilometres to stop.

The railway has been focusing on faster speeds to reduce travel time between Tokyo and Osaka, but the new model instead emphasizes safety in the event of earthquakes or other contingencies, when stopping time is crucial in avoiding serious accidents.

The new model's computer-controlled system also maintains a constant speed regardless of terrain. The company plans to operate the new train between Osaka and Hakata in western Japan also from March 16.

 

Spiffing 167.77 MPH to zero in 437.445319 yards; hope they have installed airbags....

 

And finally:

 

A year after Mr Bean piled up his £3.5 million motor

And more than 900,000 pounds Rowan Atkinson’s McLaren F1 is back on the road, Ben Stagg, specialty insurer with RK Harrison, said the quality components used to make an F1 are one reason the repair costs were so high.

All modern supercars are predominantly carbon fibre - most Lamborghinis, most Ferraris - and the smallest ding in carbon fibre is a big repair job," he said. "And part of the engine bay is gold, that's the best heat conductor. It's the materials they used compared to everyday cars that make it so expensive."

He said many owners baby their expensive cars, driving them only a few times a year in perfect weather conditions, but Atkinson actually drives his McLaren extensively.

The unusual repair job, thought to involve one of the largest car insurance settlements in British history, is extensively documented in Classic & Sports Car magazine, with a picture of the burgundy McLaren on the cover.

Atkinson, last seen by many playing piano as Mr. Bean during the opening ceremony of the London Olympics, told the magazine he believes supercars should be used, not sequestered in garages.

"It depresses me when great cars are hidden away," he said. "It's a crime not to use it."

 

Funny that, the last motor I had that was damaged had a crack in the bumper-and was written orf, must be using the wrong insurance company...

 

That’s it: I’m orf to avoid some Elephants

 

Today’s thought:

one way to cut the cost of funerals

 

 

 

And today’s mellow melody-or neigh as the case may be

 

 

Angus  

The Mid-Staffs killing fields

After many years and unbridled effort from relatives and carers Robert Francis QC has managed to produce about a couple of thousand pages of “report” and quite a lot of “recommendations” regarding the Mid Staffs Massacre and the rest of the ailing NHS.

Apparently patients who were killed and tortured by lack of water, food, medication and being left to lie in their own faeces and urine were treated thus not because of piss poor treatment but “a systemic failure”, and according to Robert Francis QC “it is clear that the primary responsibility lies with the Trust Board but he is also adamant that scapegoating individuals would be a mistake. To do so merely allows others to duck responsibility. The main purpose of the Inquiry was to learn lessons for the future rather than perpetuate a cycle of 'defensiveness and concealment'.”

And goes on to say that “At the core of the failure was a culture of defensiveness to complaints and a lack of openness. Management was distracted by organisational churn and meeting targets rather than seeing what was happening to the patients in their care.”

 

Interesting but bollocks, as with “Ms” death at the hands of an almost Foundation Trust (at the time-2005) the “blame” was put on “system failures”-NAH:

Yes the “board” and the CEO are ultimately responsible, but the Medical Director and the Nursing Director are directly responsible for the Doctors and Nurses under them as the Consultants and Sisters are directly responsible for those on the front line who are responsible for the treatment given to patients.

These aren’t “systems” they are people who should and do know better, they are so called “professionals” who are happy to take the kudos and money but lack basic humanity and morals.

 

I don’t accept that no one should be held to account, forget the NHS “complaints” system which never worked and never will, forget the RCN and the piss poor GMC, what we need are criminal prosecutions, not for revenge or “scapegoating” but justice, if I held someone against their will and starved them, left them in agony and abused them until they died I would be hauled up before the beak at a rate of knots, so what is the difference between that and nurses and doctors who took oaths not to do harm treating the old and sick in the same way.

 

We need a purge, it is time to hold all those gutless, cruel, uncaring killers to account, prosecute the murdering bastards, don’t just strike them off from the “registers” throw them in prison for the statutory sentence they deserve, and bring charges of corporate manslaughter against the CEO, the board and all the other managers that allowed the culture of see no, hear no, speak no evil to propagate.

 

The Hospital allegedly has “a vision”:

Our Vision is to be recognised as the safest & most caring Trust in the NHS. This vision sums up everything we want to achieve and supports the Trust’s 5 strategic Themes which continue to be the focus of our effort and measurement of improvement.

Creating a culture of caring

Seeing zero harm as our target by keeping patients safe

Listening, responding and acting on what our patients and community are telling us

Supporting our staff to become excellent: giving responsibility but holding to account as well

Continuing to do what we need to do to satisfy our regulators

 

Far too fucking little far too fucking late....

 

And let’s not forget that this isn’t an isolated case, torture and murder are rife in our NHS, your local Foundation Trust is killing patients as you read this, mothers, fathers, sons, daughters, brothers and sisters are dying because of lack of “care”, bad decisions by doctors and nurses, the focus on financial targets instead of care of the sick, the need to cover up, lie cheat and deceive so that they can continue to advance their careers, the old boy’s GMC club and the “non disclosure” letters that help to keep the truth from us.

 

Is most of the NHS doing a wonderful job-probably, are there an undisclosed number of Foundation Trusts that manage to maim, ruin people’s lives and kill-definitely.

Is there proper redress for patients and relatives of those harmed by the “caring” professions-NAH, will there ever be-probably not; will the all pervading culture of “not my problem” change-I hope so, can we look forward to being treated with dignity, care and professionalism when we are unfortunate enough to end up in hospital-you tell me.

 

Because if it wasn’t for the efforts of Julie Bailey and others who had the balls to stand up and confront the “system” we would be none the wiser.

 

Angus

(normal service will resume when I can be arsed)

Still alive but not gay

Just a quick one to let All and Sundry know that I am not in the underworld, this daft old fart’s health is fine and dandy, an even his Maj is slowly recovering his confidence, although he hasn’t been near a window for weeks.

 

The reason for my fleeting return is the waste of time, money and common sense that has occurred in the bit next to the leaning tower of Westminster. 

Now, I am in no way averse to those who wish to shove shit or pummel pussy with members of their own sex, to be honest I really don’t give Homo’s erogenous zone or a dykes do-dah what they get up to in the privacy of their own abodes.

But it now seems that Dick will now be able to give Tom’s ring a legal standing whilst Harry stands in as best man or “Luce” can wed “Corky” thanks to Dave (my god this closet is very dark) Cameron and half  the rest of the 100% non gay coalition.

 

What does make me a bit miffed is the fact that when “M” and I (who were/are in no way religious) married it was a “civil” ceremony in an albeit “posh” manor house we considered it to be legal and binding between two people who wanted to spend the rest of our lives together, and as the big wordy book says “a union between man and woman”, but now it seems that anyone can “marry” anyone who bears the same genital configuration with the blessing of the state which in my humble opinion has reduced the status of the 37 years we spent together to that of a “second class” event.

I am probably wrong being of a very different generation but it doesn’t seem to be about “equality” it seems to be about U-Turn Cam and his cronies trying to up their percentage of the vote by pandering to the PC twats who seem to run the country by proxy and keep coming up with “ideas” designed to sate the needs of a very small minority while the rest of us slip dahn the plughole of despair penniless, homeless and jobless.

 

Apparently we now live in a democracy that is about as “by the people, for the people” as the ex-Nazi El Papa’s “religion” whose followers live in a constant state of fear and depression.

 

That’s what I think anyway... 

Back to my hibernation; until the Mid Staffs thing explodes.

 

Angus

Standards of EU existence: Tone and the Poles: EU child benefits: Tatler Bollocks: “In Vitro” Meat: Going dahn in China: and Power Gnomes.

Medium amounts of skywater, middling atmospheric movement, minimal lack of warm and the threat of solar stuff at the Castle this morn, his Maj seems to be well on the way to being well, the butler is out scouting for fat, carbon neutral teenagers and I am orf dahn the tahn to get some things.

 

According to Pimco chief Mohamed El-Erian

Broke Blighty risks seeing its standard of living hit if it leaves the European Union, the Pimco top knob reckons that beyond 2017, Poland rather than the UK will be among the three largest economies defining the scale and scope of European regional integration. “Let’s hope that he also has a Plan B that would limit the potential downside to Britain’s standard of living.”

Pimco is among the world’s most influential investment funds, managing assets worth nearly $2 trillion (£1.3 trillion). Andrew Balls – brother to shadow chancellor Ed Balls – is an executive in Pimco’s European unit.

Mr El-Erian said that while the promise of an in-out EU referendum was likely to “score some internal political points” it risked “some reduction in the country’s growth”.

 

Oh har fucking har, what growth, what standard of living, what a plonker...

 

And talking of the land of plumbers, builders and bathroom fitters

Ex Prime Monster Tone (I have run out of walnut varnish) Bliar has been given an award by businessmen in Poland to thank him for opening up the UK to Polish workers.

Tone was given the award at the annual Polish Business Leaders' Awards in Warsaw.

But he didn’t even “bovver” to turn up to attend the ceremony and his award was accepted on his behalf by Robin Barnett, Britain’s ambassador in Poland.

Bliar was given the award for backing the country’s efforts to join the EU and well as opening up the British labour market to the country in 2004.

A message of thanks featuring was reportedly screened at the ceremony in which the former prime monster said he has “a lot of admiration for Poland and the Polish people”.

 

Old coat hanger gob will probably have it on EBay by Thursday...

 

And even more “news” from one of the three future largest economies

 

 

 

 

Allegedly Poland is home to the highest number of children in the EU and beyond who are receiving benefits claimed in Britain with– 25,659 – receiving welfare.

Just under 30,000 families with 50,000 children are claiming child benefits and tax credit for offspring who live outside the country but within the EU, as well as Iceland, Liechtenstein and Norway.

Parents can claim child benefits of £20.30 a week for their eldest child and £13.40 a week for each of their other children, while child tax credit is worth at least £545 a year.

Treasury minister Sajid Javid said: ‘The main purpose of child benefit and the child tax credit is to support families in the UK. Consequently, the rules for these benefits generally do not provide for them to be paid in respect of children who live abroad.’

He said Britain was forced to pay out the sums to children living overseas under a European regulation which protects the social security rights of nationals of all EEA member states.

The data will add to concerns about the impact of an expected wave of immigration from Romania and Bulgaria when temporary controls lapse at the end of the year.

 

That’s something to look forward to....isn’t it?

 

According to “Tatler”

The Duckess of Cambridge’s dog has been voted the 50th most fascinating person in Britain.

The pet cocker spaniel was awarded the accolade by Tatler magazine, which compiled the honours from the most searched individuals on its online ‘Tatler List’ of notable figures.

Owner Kate was placed seventh in the list while the Duck of Cambridge Prince William came in at 16th.

Her old Maj was the highest ranking royal, Kate’s sister Pippa Middleton was placed fourth in the list, second out of the royals, while Prince Harry was awarded sixth place.

Other members of the Royal Family who made it onto the prestigious list include Princesses Eugenie and Beatrice, ranked ninth and 15th respectively, and Prince Philip who was voted in at number 36.

Sports presenter Clare Balding was voted the most fascinating person in Britain in the list, which will be published in Tatler on Friday.

 

Can’t wait for that....

 

Allegedly there is a $1 million prize for those who can concoct fake meat

People like to eat meat despite the “personal health impact of frequent meat consumption, such as heart disease, obesity and cancer, or even the welfare of animals”.

But now there may be a solution: - scientists may have come up with artificial meat. Also known as ‘in vitro’ or ‘cultured meat’ and occasionally as ‘Franken-meat’, biological researchers are trying to find ways to make this “desirable” food product sustainably in laboratories.

The People for the Ethical Treatment of Animals (Peta), who have put up hefty cash reward to anyone who can successfully produce and bring to market in vitro chicken.

They have offered a $1m (£630,000) reward to the fist scientist to come up with in vitro meat. They launched the incentive in 2008 and the deadline has just been extended to June this year.

According to “someone” ‘We’re running out of water, land and time and our health budgets for meat-related diseases are through the roof. What a dream come true if you can give them meat without cruelty, environmental damage and clean as a whistle.’

 

Oh num fucking num, meat that isn’t.

 

East to the land of big holes

 

An entire building complex in China's southern Guangdong province has gorn dahn a sinkhole, the group of buildings was totally swallowed by the hole which appeared near the construction site of a new underground train station in Guangzhou, one of China's biggest cities.

The first building collapsed at 1620 local time (0820 GMT). The other three buildings then fell into the ten metre hole later that evening, according to China state television CCTV.

Around 300 residents from the surrounding area had to be evacuated and nearby roads were closed off.

No one was injured in the incident and an investigation was launched into what caused the hole to appear.  

“Near the construction site of a new underground train station” I wonder......

 

And finally:

 

West to the home of non-small people and the land of power

Small paintings of gnomes that have popped up on utility poles have become a community sensation in Oakland, prompting Pacific Gas & Electric Co. to say Tuesday that it will keep them in place for now.

The hand-painted portraits on 6-inch blocks of wood began going up last year in an apparent effort to brighten up the blue-collar California city. There are currently more than 2,000 of the images on utility poles, with many screwed to the bases.

The gnomes have red hats, white beards and brown shoes. Some of the images contain a mushroom.

Word that PG&E planned to remove the paintings sparked an outpouring of support from residents who said the gnomes add character to the city.

PG&E spokesman Jason King planned to meet Tuesday with the artist, who requested to remain anonymous, and a member of the City Council. The utility hopes to eventually relocate the gnome paintings from the poles to other spots in the same neighbourhoods.

"We've received a lot of feedback from residents who love the gnomes," King told The Associated Press. "We're looking for solutions. We'll keep them where people can enjoy them."

King said PG&E did not want to encourage such installations, explaining a proliferation of such images could cause damage or make it difficult for crews to access the poles.

Magnanimous of them.... 

That’s it: I’m orf to have a quantum sniff

 

Today’s thought:

Polish plumber

 

 

And today’s mellow melody-eventually.

 

 

Angus

Mali marauder: Go Debt goes over the top: £150 Bacon butty: 15 Women and Jesus: Bad investment: Herr Boobs: and The Kitchen Thing.

Massive amounts of lack of warm, monumental amounts of atmospheric movement, more than enough skywater and miserly amounts of solar stuff at the Castle this morn, you may be pleased to know that my “mellow” period is now over and all is back to “normal” or not.

 

His Maj had a bit of a relapse over the weekend and I had to take him back to the nice Vet chap yestermorn who gave him another “once over” jabbed him with some anti inflammatories and antibiotics and shoved the equivalent of a broom handle up his rear exit (his Maj not the nice Vet chap), and sent us away with some bug killer that I have to “administer” either into his Maj’s mouth or on his food.

 I do like an optimist, but the snuffling is getting better and his Maj isn’t doing too badly either.

 

Allegedly the Prime Monster is all for giving the French even more of a helping hand in Mali

U-turn Cam has assured Francois Hollande, the French president, that he “fully” supports his government’s attempt to oust Islamist militants in the North African state.

An “official spokesman” indicated that the UK could now send more military assets to Mali.

Apparently “we” are ready to offer logistical, intelligence and surveillance help to France, as well as troops for a proposed EU mission to train the Malian army - although he has ruled out a combat role for British personnel.

Downing Street reiterated that no UK troops will be put into a combat role in Mali.

 

That’s nice: it must be recompense for all the help the French gave us in the Falklands.....

 

Dahn ‘ere in ‘Ampshire

Widow Brenda Caines, from Warsash was chased for a £97,000 debt which had grown from a £3,600 car loan originally taken out by her late husband.

Phil Caines started an agreement in 2004 for a 1998 Vauxhall Vectra with Yes Car Credit; returning the car when he fell behind on repayments.

Yes Car Credit closed and the debt was transferred to a purchasing company.

Shortly afterwards, Mrs Caines remortgaged her home to pay for a new kitchen and added her husband's name to the deeds.

She was unaware he was in financial difficulty and about to be declared bankrupt.

Mr Caines died suddenly in 2009 and his debt was transferred to his wife.

Go Debt, who bought the debt from the Yes Car Credit and began pursuing Mrs Caines for the money.

By this time, solicitor and trustee fees had seen the debt grow to £97,000.

The BBC's Inside Out programme took Mrs Caines' case to consumer lawyers who, following months of negotiations, managed to save her home.

Solicitor Dean Dunham said: "a £97,000 fee on a £6,000 bankruptcy is not right”.

Mr Dunham has also managed to reduce her debt to £20,000, including trustee fees of £10,000.

In a statement, the trustee's office said: "Since being appointed in June 2010, the trustee has taken every step to fulfil his statutory duties as sensitively as possible.

 

Go Debt declined to comment-now there’s a surprise, no wonder Blighty is such a shit hole....

 

But if you are not being chased by the “financial sector”

You could throw caution to the wind and treat yourself to a nice bacon butty at the miserly cost of 150 squids, Made from rare breed bacon topped with black truffle, it is finished with saffron and a dusting of real gold on the bun.

The snazzy snack – dubbed Bacon Bling – was created by restaurateur Paul Phillips, 41.

He got the idea from TV shows about pimped-up street food in the US, where a New York restaurant sold a hamburger for £2,839.

“I’ve never seen a bacon butty on these shows so I decided to make one,” he said.

Now he hopes he will get into Guinness World Records with the super sarnie, which is on the menu at Tangberry’s in Cheltenham, Glos – with proceeds going to charity.

 

Piggin expensive though.....

 

West to the home of God and the land of robbers

 

 

15 women gathered at Jacquie Hagler’s house for a jewellery party when a gun wielding “intruder” burst in, "It's only a water gun," one attendee reportedly said, while brushing away the firearm allegedly brandished by Derick Lee, who entered the home wearing a ski mask and bandana across his face.

Witnesses say Lee then held the gun to the woman’s head and announced, "I'm not joking, I'm going to shoot someone, give me your money." He even showed the women some of the bullets loaded into his gun before they could be convinced the robbery attempt was real.

And the bible bashing ladies response:

"When I realized what was going on, I stood up and said, 'In the name of Jesus, get out of my house now,'” Hagler told WJXT-TV. And he said, 'I'm going to shoot someone.' And I said it again, real boldly," Hagler continued. "Everybody started chanting, 'Jesus, Jesus, Jesus,' and he did a quick scan of the room, and ran out the door as fast as he could go."

Lee, 24, was arrested Friday night at his home and identified by several of the jewellery party attendees during a police photo line-up. He’s currently being held on a $200,000 bond.

 

Don’t mess with the “word” especially when there are fifteen women chanting it.

 

Dahn in Dorset

Karl Baxter snapped up a bargain batch of 10,000 DVDs about one of the world’s most famous sportsmen hoping for nice profit.

Unfortunately he is facing a £10,000 loss on the deal – because the star he planned to cash in on was shamed cyclist Lance Armstrong.

Karl, 36, has been unable to sell a single DVD since the American confessed he used drugs to win his seven Tour de France titles.

Having bought the DVDs for £1 each wholesale, he hoped to sell them for £3. Now he has slashed the asking price to 30p, which would still leave him £7,000 out of pocket.

Karl said ““I bought them at a good price for about £1 each about four months ago”.

“The idea was to sell them in small job lots of 100 for about £3 each, so traders could go on eBay, Amazon, or car boot sales and sell them on. There was a slight amount of risk and a gamble because there was a suspicion, but he wasn’t admitting to it, so I put them on the website last week.”

The Science of Lance Armstrong, made in 2006 by the Discovery Channel, tells how Armstrong’s “winning strategies” were developed and looks at technology cyclists can use to help them go faster.

 

Especially the kind of “technology” that comes in tablet form.....

 

East to the land of odd office carpets

Members of an elite German military Guards battalion have been presenting to the doctor with an unusual problem: man boobs.

Dozens of soldiers in the Wachbataillon unit are said to be suffering from gynecomastia, on the left side only, reports the German Herald.

The problem is said to be caused in this case by the repetitive slamming of heavy rifles into the soldiers’ chests during drills.

The action stimulates glands to produce hormones which lead to growth of breast tissue. A positive diagnosis of gynecomastia has been made in 74 per cent of cases where battalion members presented with concerns.

Director of plastic surgery at the military hospital in Berlin, Professor Bjorn Krapohl, confirmed: "There is a very significant link between the activity in the Guard Battalion and the development of the breast on the left side.

"They need to change the way they drill. The constant slamming of the rifles against the left hand side of the chest is clearly a significant factor," he added.

Army officials are investigating and say they will modify the drills if necessary.

 

Or they could invent half a bra for the Herr boobs.

 

And finally:

 

From somewhere in the world

Comes the essential gadget for your culinary space-the Kitchen “thing”.

 

 

That’s it I’m orf to check out my Twatter page-just in case

 

Today’s thought:

Bacon rules

 

 

And today’s mellow melody:

 

 

Angus