Non à referendum: Rubbish “art”: Flesh eating bananas: Dead end motor: Marshmallow moron: and how to solve the Euro crisis.

Bloody cold and damp at the Castle this morn, and apparently the Met Office has decided that “winter” is on the way, as we are in December I am not surprised.

My first day as a benefit scrounger was “interesting”, I spent a while filling out forms and talking to an “advisor” who seemed to be about 12 years old and was more interested in how much his pension would be in fifty years time than my lack of employment.

Then I wasted a bit more of my free time checking out the “jobs” on the government computers, it seems that if I want to be a carer, cleaner or a call centre chappie at minimum wage then all is well.

Or not.....

Up in the Smoke to the house with no front door lock

It seems that U-Turn Cam is physic, even before the changes are made to the Euro treaty we have been told by the Prime Monster's spokesperson that a "significant transfer of power from the UK to the EU" was not being discussed in this week's talks on how to resolve the eurozone crisis, so a referendum was not required.

Allegedly Downing Street made clear that the adjustments currently being discussed did not constitute a major shift.

"That's not what's set out in the Act," U-Turn’s spokesperson added.

"The position is set out very clearly. What the Act says is where there is a transfer of powers from London to Brussels, that should trigger a referendum... we have a coalition government and we have a government policy."

Har bloody har...

Up North a bit

Martin Boyce, the artist who transforms gallery spaces into modernist urban landscapes, has won the 2011 Turner Prize.

The ceremony was held at the Baltic Centre for Contemporary Art in Gateshead, where photographer Mario Testino presented the award.

Boyce's installation on display there for the Turner Prize exhibition, Do Words Have Voices, recreates an autumnal park scene with geometric leaves suspended from the ceiling and a stylised rubbish bin in the corner. His attention to detail was so great that he even redesigned the room's ventilation grills to complement his installation.

The judges praised Boyce's "pioneering contribution to the current interest which contemporary artists have in historic modernism". They said his work "uses his knowledge of historic design to create distinctive sculptural installations while opening up a new sense of poetry".

My brain hurts.....

Over to the lack of light continent

Rumours of flesh-eating bananas in Mozambique have sparked a plummet in the sale of the fruit, prompting the health minister Friday to reassure people of its safety.

"From the work conducted by the Ministries of Agriculture, Health and Trade and Industry, it was concluded that there is no record of entry of any infected banana in the country," according to a joint statement.

An email and text message hoax warning people against eating bananas for the next three weeks went viral as people feared being infected by necrotising fasciitis, or skin-eating disease.

In a separate statement South Africa's agriculture ministry denounced the messages as a hoax. It strongly advised against burning the skin around the supposed infection, as suggested in the message.

No worries-can’t afford bananas.

Left to the land of gas guzzlers and the home of the used car salesman

In a lawsuit filed in Oakland County Circuit Court, Margarita Salais of New Baltimore alleges the second hand car dealership's staff sold her a 2006 Ford Expedition last March without telling her it once held a dead body, The Detroit News reported Monday.

"They bought the car while it was still cold out in March," her attorney, Dani Liblang, told the News. "The warmer it got, the worse the smell got."

Salais said when she brought the car back to the dealership someone told her the smell came from a dead animal. She said she filed a claim with her insurance company, whose investigators determined odour was of human origin.

The insurance company later learned the car had been stolen three times, something Salais said the dealer also failed to tell her.

Her efforts to return the car were fruitless and she now seeks $25,000 plus court fees.

Probably be OK after a valet....

Still in the non colonies

A central New York man faces prison time after admitting he threw flaming marshmallows at his neighbour’s house.

The Auburn Citizen reports that 18-year-old John Munger pleaded guilty Thursday in Cayuga County Court to third-degree felony arson.

He admitted tossing the blazing balls of sugar at a gas meter on the side of his neighbour’s house. Although the meter wasn't seriously damaged, Munger admitted that it could have been.

He noted that he was drunk at the time.

No shit...

And finally:

East to the place where one for all and all for one no longer applies

The European Central Bank has launched an iPad and iPhone game that allows the public to see how they would cope with an economic crisis.

The Bank, now battling to save the euro, has produced a computer game in which players set interest rates to keep inflation low and growth steady.

Economia, where the first E is the euro symbol, is promoted with the line: "Will you be a hawk or a dove? Have you got what it takes to be among central banking's best?"

It is unclear how much the game cost to develop, reports the Daily Telegraph.

But sales of the game will not raise the billions needed to bail out bankrupt states - it is being given away free.

That gives me confidence....

That’s it: I’m orf to check out a couple of “supermassive” black holes and I’m not talking about the economy and the place where the deputy prime monster’s nose resides.

And today’s thought:

Angus