No credit for U-turn Cam: No good deed: Dodgy drivers: High tea: Pompey Penguin: and Spearmint strip.

Not sure about the meteorology at the Castle this morn-too dark to see, but I can tell that there is a lot of fast moving air about.

But the good news is that it is warm-ish.

Up to where the non elected government is this week

Apparently David Cameron will today warn the British public that turning round the economy will be a long haul but he will insist that the country should not be "paralysed by gloom and fear".

In his closing speech to the Conservative Party conference in Manchester, he will concede that the flat lining economy is in a worse condition than he expected when he became Prime Minister last year. But he will argue that the pain will be worth it, and end on an optimistic note about the future.

Mr Cameron will say: "The only way out of a debt crisis is to deal with your debts. That means households – all of us – paying off the credit card and store card bills. It means banks getting their books in order."

 Says the multi millionaire....

 No good deed

A couple were forced to allow fire-fighters to cut off the roof of their undamaged Rover after inviting the victim of a car crash to take refuge in their vehicle.

Natalie Brain and her boyfriend leapt to the rescue of the female driver after seeing her clamber out of the wreckage of her overturned Mini.

Fearing the car would catch fire, they invited the shocked woman to sit in their own vehicle while they dialled 999.

But when emergency services arrived at the scene, paramedics decided the driver had possible spinal injuries and insisted she could not be lifted out through the car door.

The incident happened following the crash in Blackwater, Surrey, during the evening of September 25.

Miss Brain, a carer from nearby Yateley, was heading home when she spotted the overturned BMW Mini and realised the driver needed help.

 

......Ever goes unpunished.

Dahn ‘ere in ‘Ampshire

A motorist was caught driving while using a laptop, writing down the answers to a quiz on the radio and drinking coffee all at the same time, police said today.

The behaviour was observed during a crackdown on distracted drivers by Hampshire police, with other offences including a man eating a pear with a knife while driving and motorists using mobile phones.

The force hired an unmarked HGV cab for the initiative in order to get a good viewpoint from which they could observe and video offenders.

As well as the Scania lorry cab, police used two marked cars and a marked motorcycle for the crackdown, called Operation Tramline.

Sergeant Paul Diamond said: "This should send a very loud message out to motorists. If you are caught using your mobile phone whilst driving you will face a £60 fine and three points on your licence.

"Should you crash whilst driving distracted or on your phone, causing death by careless driving is punishable by 14 years in prison and we will seek to robustly prosecute anyone committing these offences

Must have been a woman-well men can’t multi-task can they.......

East many, many, many units of length

A Dubai restaurant has earned the world record for being the highest from ground level.

At.mosphere received a plaque Tuesday from Guinness World Records for the achievement.

The restaurant is located on Level 122 of Burj Khalifa -- the tallest building in the world. At.mosphere is 442 metres above the ground.

The restaurant boasts a grill, lounge setting and "outstanding views of the Arabian Gulf."

 Sod that.......

Back in ‘Ampshire

Day-trippers enjoying the heat wave on a Hampshire beach were stunned to spot a lost penguin frolicking in the waves.

Visitors to Southsea beach, near Portsmouth, filmed the penguin diving in and out of the waves.

Joanne Gordon, 35, of Aldershot, said: "I couldn't believe it when I saw it swimming around away just six feet from me."

Earlier, the bird is said to have been seen waddling around the harbour to the surprise of onlookers.

It's believed it was a jackass penguin which normally makes its home in South Africa, 6,000 miles away, reports The Sun.

I haven’t had a frolic in Pompey for years......

 And finally:

Up a bit

The boss of lap dancing company Spearmint Rhino has suggested hard-up students should consider stripping as a way to pay for university tuition fees.

John Specht, UK vice president of the company, said female students could earn good money while having "fun" working in lap dancing clubs.

His comments have sparked fierce criticism from student leaders who blame the government for forcing undergraduates into stripping to make ends meet.

Mr Specht said: "These girls earn a lot. Some of these girls are on their own and their parents can't help them or are unable to help them. 

Wonder if they are looking for daft old farts?

 That’s it: I’m orf to study the Sun-if I can find it.......

 And today’s thought: Do you have trouble making up your mind? Well, yes or no?

 

Angus

Credit easing: Speak English: Oreodont ban: Bear faced Prius: and a load of old balls.

It seems that the Indian autumn has gone the way of the economy-dull, dingy and drizzling at the Castle this morn.

The study is filling up with objects in need of a re-boot, the garden is still in need of a medium, fettling and his Maj is sitting by the rear exit with the hump.

Apparently son of a B...aronet and reptilian alien in disguise George Osborne has come up with a Plan A and a bit-he wants to bypass Britain's foot-dragging banks by injecting tens of billions of pounds into struggling small firms in an attempt to head off a "double-dip recession".

I think I have got this-we “gave” the banks tens/hundreds of billions to bail them out so that they could lend money to businesses to help dig us out of the hole that the banks created.

And now “we”; not the “treasury” are going to lend businesses tens of billions to help dig us out of a possible double dip recession. 

Spot the flaw in logic......

Allegedly

 The NHS will introduce mandatory language tests for doctors moving to Britain after training elsewhere in the European Union.

The decision follows a series of cases in which patients have died or suffered poor care as a result of doctors speaking sub-standard English. The issue was brought to national attention three years ago when Dr Daniel Ubani, a German-trained GP on his first out-of-hours shift in Britain, killed David Gray, 70, by giving him 10 times the normal dose of diamorphine.

In his speech to the Conservative Party conference, Andrew Lansley will say that the Medical Act will be amended so that doctors must speak good English to practise in Britain.

There are more than 88,000 foreign-trained doctors registered to work in Britain, including 22,758 from Europe. They account for almost a third of the total.

 

Part “B” of the plan to empty hospitals?

Over in Portland

A Longview, Wash., man accused of digging up the skull of a hog-like animal that predated humans by 20 million years has been banned from national park lands for a year.

The Oregonian reports (http://bit.ly/oWBYtN) that 48-year-old David Wixon also must pay $4,500 in restitution for the misdemeanour crime of depredation of government property.

The fossil was from an Oreodont, one of a number of stout, hooved, plant-eating animals now extinct.

Court records say an off-duty interpretive ranger saw Wixon using a rock hammer at a site at the John Day Fossil Beds National Monument in May 2007, leading to an investigation by federal agents. Authorities say they searched his house, and he returned the skull.

Prosecutors say the penalties were imposed Friday.

Lucky it wasn’t a new one.......

Down a bit and left a fair way

The McCarthy family of Pleasanton, California, have an unusual explanation for how their 2002 Toyota Prius got totalled over the northern summer.

In short, a bear took the vehicle for a spin from the driveway of their west Lake Tahoe cabin, the Contra Costa Times said.

It seems the bear got into the car easily enough, but once inside became stuck, and got mad about it - ripping seats open, biting a chunk out of the steering wheel and damaged the gear box, which shifted the car into neutral.

Awakened by noise from the 3.30am raid, the family watched from the safety of the cabin as the Prius slowly started rolling out of the slightly sloped driveway. Picking up speed, it rolled across the street, hopped a small rock wall and finally came to stop on the porch steps of a neighbour's house.

Brian McCarthy, 61, said he did not know why the bear, which escaped back into the woods, would want to get in the car in the first place.

It probably wanted somewhere clean to have a crap because the woods are full of Bear shit....

And finally:

Back in Blighty

A county council has been criticised for spending £40,000 on 68 giant granite balls to protect its new headquarters from ram-raiders and terrorists.

Tory-run Staffordshire County Council has positioned stone bollards costing £587 each outside its £38 million Staffordshire Place offices.

They have been described by the council as part of "an essential security package" - yet regular upright bollards are on sale for less than half the cost of the balls.

But Councillor Tom Harris, whose Forebridge ward takes in Stafford town centre, said: "I would have expected a cheaper option than the spherical bollards.

"The council says it will make savings from the move but they are spending nearly £40 million to save £10 million.

Councillor Mark Winnington, cabinet member for environment and assets, said: "The stone bollards surrounding Staffordshire Place are part of an essential security package designed to protect the building and its occupants from threats, including ram raids.

"Some of the options we were given were more expensive than the one we decided on while others were less expensive.

"Our main priority was to provide value for money for taxpayers. We wanted to provide sturdy protection while also ensuring that the area surrounding the building was aesthetically pleasing.

Load of old Spherical Bollards....

That’s it: I’m orf to send BT a stiff letter on a bit of cardboard.

 

And today’s thought: Books have knowledge, knowledge is power, power corrupts, corruption is a crime, and crime doesn’t pay; so if you keep reading, you’ll go to prison.

 Angus

Brown nosed Silly Billy: Brown nosed George O: Hairy Ants: Shopping Obama style: and The Bikini parade.

Lovely and warm and dry yet again at the Castle this morn/afternoon, very, very late posting, mainly because the Angus internet connection went tits up until eleven of the am.

Been to Tesco for stale bread, gruel and pussy food, and saw this outside the entrance, I can’t work out if it is “topiary” or a piss poor attempt to disguise Crimbo.

So much for “their” ‘every little helps’, I bought this pack of washing powder which was labelled as a “price cut”, the last one I bought (admittedly about six weeks ago) cost about a quid, this one cost £1.68-same packaging, same weight, same product....

 

And I stopped and took this on the way home.

 

I see that Silly Billy Hague

Has inserted his facial protuberance into Nick (who?) Clegg’s rear exit, while mumbling-“Faced with a necessary but difficult decision over tuition fees, Nick Clegg stuck with it," "In May, the British people affirmed…that first past the post is the best way of running our democracy. He stuck with our agreement all the same.

"We should always have the generosity of spirit to recognise the contribution he makes in turning this country around." 

Fetch me a bucket.....

And

Son of a B...aronet and reptilian alien in disguise George Osborne has somehow managed to find more than a few quid (£800,000,000) lurking in his piggy bank to fund another year of Council Tax freezes.

Mr Osborne has told Sky News the key to the Government's economic policy remains debt reduction: "We are able to take measures - like on council tax - that can provide help for families.

"But the biggest help I can provide families is to sort out the British economy and sort out the mess that this Government inherited and above all keep interest rates down.

 Har, har fucking har.....but I won’t say anything about job, cuts, tax rises, fuel costs or benefit cuts.

Over the sea to....America

Apparently Hairy, crazy ants are on the attack in the US invading Florida, Texas, Mississippi and Louisiana.

The flea-sized critters are called crazy because each forager scrambles randomly at a speed that your average picnic ant, marching one by one, reaches only in video fast-forward. They're called hairy because of fuzz that, to the naked eye, makes their abdomens look less glossy than those of their slower, bigger cousins.

And they're on the move in Florida, Texas, Mississippi and Louisiana. In Texas, they've invaded homes and industrial complexes, urban areas and rural areas. They travel in cargo containers, hay bales, potted plants, motorcycles and moving vans. They overwhelm beehives — one Texas beekeeper was losing 100 a year in 2009. They short out industrial equipment.

If one gets electrocuted, its death releases a chemical cue to attack a threat to the colony, said Roger Gold, an entomology professor at Texas A&M.

"The other ants rush in. Before long, you have a ball of ants," he said.

Better start putting the kettles on then...

Still over the sea in America

Michelle Obama caused barely a stir in a suburban Target, loading up like a regular mum, casually dressed in a floral-print shirt, yoga pants and sunglasses.

At the Alexandria outlet, just 15 minutes drive from the White House, manager Maria Panagopulof said President Barack Obama's wife shopped almost unnoticed. "People did not approach her - she was very incognito," she said

"The cashier recognised her but she was very unassuming."

A spokeswoman said that Mrs Obama liked to live normally and "it is not uncommon for the First Lady to slip out to run an errand, eat at a local restaurant or ... enjoy the city outside the White House gates". 

Every little helps.... 

And finally:

Dahn Unda

357 bikini-clad women set a new world record for the largest bikini parade on the Gold Coast in Australia.

The event was organised by a local newspaper, the Gold Coast Bulletin.

The bikini-clad women started the parade at a Gold Coast shopping mall, after which the women paraded for the required distance of 1 mile (1.6 kilometres) along Surfers Paradise beach.

Officials from the Guinness Book of World Records were there to confirm that with 357 women in the procession, a new record had been set.

The previous record was set by the Cayman Islands in June 2010 with 331 participants.

 I knew I should have used my air miles up.

That’s it: I’m orf to heal my cracked lawnmower. 

And today’s thought: If a stealth bomber crashes in a forest, will it make a sound?

Angus

Wrong type of heat: Atos demo: Isle of loos: “well done” rubbish: and some “interesting” pictures.

Warm and calm yet again at the Castle this morn, the garden is in need of a medium fettle-if the grass ever dries out, the Honda is covered in dust and I need to get the hose out. 

Up in the bit above Suffolk

Passengers donated bottles of drinking water to get their train working again after it broke down because of the heat wave.

The National Express East Anglia train ground to a halt under the baking midday sun outside Ipswich, in Suffolk, after coolant levels dropped causing the engine to cut out.

Bemused passengers sitting in the stuffy carriages heard a desperate plea over the tannoy from the driver for bottled water as temperatures “soared” over 21 degrees (70f).

One passenger reported the message as: ''Has anyone got any bottles of water we can use to get the train going again?''

The water was collected and fed into the coolant before the train restarted to finish the journey at around 12.30pm on Tuesday.

When the train returned to Ipswich there was found to be a leak in a pipe which was fixed by a technician to return the train to normal service.

Shame “they” didn’t inspect the train before it set out....

Up and down Blighty

Sick and disabled benefit claimants took to the streets nationwide on Friday to protest against welfare privateers Atos Healthcare.

Activists picketed outside Atos offices in Birmingham, Bristol, Chatham, Chester, Edinburgh, Glasgow, Leeds, Manchester, Norwich, Nottingham, Oxford, Plymouth, Sheffield and York, condemning the company's controversial business model.

The £100 million-a-year scheme, which began trials late last year, pays private contractor Atos Origin to examine claimants using a computerised points-based programme.

Those awarded less than 15 points are automatically deemed "fit for work" and lose their right to incapacity benefit.

The trials have seen a 70 per cent drop in full benefits paid and a 30 per cent drop in "unfit for work" assessments.

Demonstrators in London rallied outside the British Medical Association annual recruitment fair, where Atos reps were busy hiring their controversial "disability assessors."

 Sign of the Coalition.....

Over the Solent

 A block of public toilets is on the market for a whopping £150,000 – chain-free.

The brick building, at Ventnor, is one of five council loos being sold off on the Isle of Wight. It comes with planning permission for conversion to six two-bedroom flats.

Gavin Chambers, of Gully Howard estate agents, said: “We’ve had a lot of interest.”

Mainly from people bursting for a pee...

Up North

A council is spending £100,000 to send congratulatory text messages and "interesting recycling facts" to people who put their bins out on the right day.

The scheme by Bolton Council has been branded 'patronising' and 'preaching to the converted' as the messages, designed to improve recycling rates, are being sent to people who do it anyway.

However the Department for Environment, Food and Rural Affairs (Defra), which has paid for the scheme, praises it as 'innovative'.

Bolton have been given £110,000, a fifth of what was available from a national pot, when more than 70 local authorities applied for a share.

The borough-wide project will send texts or emails to residents who regularly put out their recycling bins on the right day.

As well as reminders and positive reinforcement, people will also be sent information by text about what can and cannot be recycled as well as "interesting recycling facts".

 Expensive bollocks....

And finally: 

Some “Interesting snaps”

That’s it: I’m orf to have a frack in Wales.

 

And today’s thought: "Traditionally, most of Australia's imports come from overseas." - Keppel Enderbery

Angus

Compassionate Conservatives: No Tax cuts: No parking space: Fat coppers: and Driving away.

Yet again there be sun at the Castle this first morn of October, His Maj is getting his exercise by doing laps-out through the window in through the back door-out through the window-in through......

I have just watered all the wall boxes, hanging baskets and pots in preparation for the “Indian autumn” weekend and the sun lounger is placed on the dry side of the garden.

 

Up in Manchester

Where the blue bit of the Piss Poor Policies Millionaires Club Coalition starts its conference tomorrow, allegedly U-Turn Cam will tell the rest of the Tory know nothings that the Cons stand for “strong leadership and compassion”.

And to prove his point the Health Secretary, Andrew Lansley, announced last night that a new, free, 24/7 NHS phone line for non-emergency care and advice would be rolled out nationally by April 2103. The Tories said it would abolish the concept of "out-of-hours" care.

And; Ministers will announce policies designed to end the "something for nothing" culture that they say built up under Labour. People who "play by the rules" and "work hard for their families" will be rewarded while those who contribute "little or nothing" will get less help from state. 

“Leadership and compassion”-har fucking har.

Just to reinforce U-turn Cam’s mantra

Son of a B...aronet and alien reptile in disguise George Osborne has all but ruled out the possibility of tax cuts before the next general election, saying it depends on "how things develop".

George Osborne was cautious about the prospect of tax bills coming down, ahead of this weekend's Conservative Party conference.

It has been thought that, having reduced the deficit by the end of the Parliament, Mr Osborne would want to offer some kind of pre-election sweeteners by 2015.

He indicated that his primary focus was for now on promoting private sector growth and that he would only want to introduce tax cuts that would be permanent - "not just for Christmas".

Can’t afford Christmas this year......

Over in the land empty of Plumbers and Builders

A woman in Warsaw, Poland, abandoned her car after she jammed it between two walls trying to reverse away from a car park.

Wiola Nowicka, 67, attempted to turn around in the car park's narrow driveway once she noticed the high prices she would have to pay.

The driveway was blocked for five hours, as her car was wedged between the driveway walls.

'I didn't mean to be a nuisance,' said Nowicka. 'After a few turns I couldn't go backwards or forwards anymore.'

Engineers were able to get the car out from the tight space, with careful inch by inch precision.

 

Wish I could get the Honda in a space as tight as that.

Along with Nicholas Cage

It now appears that John Travolta has been alive since the 1800s, the seller is asking for $50,000 for the ruby glass ambrotype photograph, which he says could be proof that John Travolta has been 'reincarnated' (not into a new being but an identical body, presumably).

'I believe this is the photograph of a very young John Travolta taken around 1860,' said the eBay seller.

'Of course, time travel can't be ruled out as well.'

The seller, from Ontario, Canada, claims the man in his picture has 'identical' eyes and hairline to Travolta, as well as his 'very unique trademark chin'. 

'It hasn't been changed, tampered with or altered in anyway. It is clear and is as nice as the day it was taken roughly 151 years ago,' he said in the description listed on the auction site.

Earlier this month an eBay seller listed a photo of a Nicolas Cage lookalike from 1870, which he said may have been proof that the actor was a vampire.

One born every minute.......

Back in bollixed up Blighty

Police officers are likely to be spared compulsory annual fitness tests because chief constables fear too many would fail.

They fear front-line posts would be left vacant by officers found to be overweight and unfit, reports the Daily Mail.

Instead officers making up the not so 'thin blue line' will be encouraged to keep fit through a healthy lifestyle and diet.

Under the current system only new recruits must undergo a compulsory fitness test to make sure they are up to the job.

Earlier this year research by academics at Birmingham City University showed almost half of recruits to one force were overweight or obese.

Professor Craig Jackson, an occupational health expert, said: "Unlike the military, there is no annual medical - once you are in you can let yourself go to rack and ruin."

A national review of police pay and conditions raised the question of whether compulsory annual fitness tests should be introduced.

But police chiefs said there was no evidence that fitness testing would justify the cost. 

Maybe they should extend this thinking to Degrees, Doctors and Driving tests-just in case they fail.......

And finally:

Dahn in Tadworth

Sharon Gould, 52, from Spindlewoods, Tadworth, returned home on Wednesday, September 21, and was horrified to find that a large section of her original York stone driveway, dating back to 1910, had disappeared.

With prices averaging £100 per square meter, the stolen driveway could have a value of up to £12,000, according to Rock Unique, UK suppliers of York stone paving.

Mrs Gould, who lives in a period Georgian home shielded from the road by a row of trees, said: "I think they must have had a truck, backed it in and loaded it up.

Drive away drive...

 

That’s it: I’m orf to try out ripple power.

And today’s thought: Live each day like it's your last . . . one day, you'll get it right.

Angus

Reoriented NHS: Benefits of the EU: Survival hotel: Sexy farming: and a Whale of a field.

Same again at the Castle this morn, sunny, warm and calm, the study is still empty of non functioning thingies, and the garden is beckoning.

I have been testing out the VTEC (Variable Valve Timing and Lift Electronic Control) on the Honda, bought £20 worth of go juice-14.8 litres, and have travelled 140 miles so far-trip to Gatwick and back plus general running around and have discovered that the Civic is doing around 43mph on average, I love it when the “econo” light comes on.....

Which sort of brings me to the half arsed “idea” of Phil Hammond to increase the speed on motorways to 80mph.

On the trip to Gatwick and back I managed to reach seventy for about five minutes, the rest of the time was 50; or 40 when going round a bit of the M25, around town I am lucky to get to 20.

I remember the days when there was no speed limit at all on motorways-sigh.....

Conspiracy theory-raising the speed limit to 80 (if that speed can be attained) will increase fuel consumption by 20% thus pouring extra £billions into the exchequer in tax plus VAT.

Apparently

The NHS will have to "radically reorient" itself away from hospital-based treatment to avoid sleepwalking into a "financial crisis", the head of the NHS Confederation has warned.

Chief executive Mike Farrer warned in an article for the Guardian newspaper that the biggest money problem facing the NHS was the £20 billion of efficiency savings required by 2015.

Either the NHS will maintain standards but go bust while doing so, see standards slip but maintain its finances or manage to keep improving and stay in the black.

The independent membership organisation for all NHS employees fears the NHS will "salami-slice its way out of financial trouble" by using less effective treatment and cutting services as a result of the efficiency savings.

Recent research among NHS workers found over half expected patient access would get worse. Forty-two per cent said they thought their organisation was in its worst financial situation in their experience. 

Lot over overpaid, arrogant whitewashing surgeons will be on the dole then.....

And

The European Commission has threatened to take legal action against Britain if ministers do not water down rules limiting foreigners’ ability to claim benefits.

Ministers fear the move could leave taxpayers handing out as much as £2.5 billion to EU nationals, including out-of-work “benefit tourists”, a new cost that could wreck Coalition plans for welfare reform.

Iain (irritable bowel) Duncan Smith, the Work and Pensions Secretary, says the commission’s move is part of a “wider movement” by the “unelected and unaccountable” European authorities to extend their power over the UK.

Look who’s talking.

Right a bit to the flat land of very tall, very old wacky baccy smoking people

Holidaymakers are now being offered the chance to stay in hotel rooms - made from oil rig survival capsules.

The bright orange pods have undergone an incredible transformation and are now available to visitors to Den Haag, Holland, for about £50 a night.

They have been kitted out with lights, a survival suitcase and sleeping bags and guests can choose between simple hammocks or a normal bed.

Creator Denis Oudendijk even made one with a James Bond theme, which comes complete with silk sheets on the bed, champagne and a vodka martini bar.

The 44-year-old designer stumbled across the pods for sale on the internet while looking for a boat.

He explained: "I was planning to travel over Europe's waters by boat looking for waste to turn in to re-usable objects.

"I was looking for an enclosed boat for me which could function as a house and a research laboratory.

"Then I found the survival capsules on the internet and had the idea for the hotels."

 

Not really a hotel is it; more like a survival caravan site.

A bit further to the right

Organisers of a farming calendar are denying claims they are 'sexing up' the countryside by featuring glamorous models.

The Swiss calendar features a dozen scantily clad models in poses with farmyard animals including sheep, goats, horses and chickens.

But critics have accused organisers of exploitation and say they are shamelessly using sex to sell copies of the 2012 calendar.

However editor Mike Helmy said all of the girl’s featured worked on farms of lived in the Swiss countryside.

"It's sexy but not seedy and the girls really are from the farms and the mountains," he said.

"They're not just pretty models - they're ambassadors for farming."

She can come round and stack my hay anytime she wants....

 And finally: 

Up North

A young whale which died after it beached in the Humber Estuary is probably of a species rarely found stranded on the British coast, conservationists have said.

Experts examining the 33ft (10m) long animal, which died about 875 yards (800m) from the shoreline, say they are 95% sure it is a female sei whale.

The animal was trapped in shallow water near the East Yorkshire village of Skeffling, on the north bank of the River Humber.

Andy Gibson, of the Yorkshire Wildlife Trust, said Sei whale strandings were very rare.

He said there had only been three strandings of this species in UK waters in the last 20 years.

''It is sad. It was in shallow water of about 1.2m (4ft) to 1.6m (5.25ft), making contact with the bottom,'' Mr Gibson said.

 

Very sad....but how did it get into the middle of a field?

That’s it: I’m orf to watch red footed tortoises yawning. 

And today’s thought: Exercise is a dirty word. Every time I hear it, I wash my mouth out with chocolate.

Angus

Risky Elfandsafety: Hard time: say What?: Crash test dummy: and Baa-limey! a £1.4 million sheep.

‘tis sunny, warmish and calm again at the Castle this morn, the replacement parts for the suicidal computers should arrive this day, all I have to do is summon up the courage to enter the study again.

The Virginia Creeper is in full flow, as are the wall boxes and the pots and the Honda has been cleaned and polished, glad I didn’t retire-what would I do?

Up in Northamptonshire

Police refused to raid a travellers’ camp where suspected thieves were hiding because the officers were worried about breaking health and safety rules.

They declined to enter the camp and seize the van, insisting that they first had to carry out a “risk assessment”.

Northamptonshire Police yesterday admitted that no arrests had been made and that the vehicle and stolen property had not yet been seized following the alleged burglary on Sunday.

Allegedly detectives are investigating the matter and have now taken a full statement from the victim. A complaint has been made by the victim about the decision not to recover the vehicle and this also is being investigated.

“We are reviewing whether the decision made was proportionate to the information we had been given.”

Bollocks.....

Dahn in Welsh Wales

An addendum to yesterday’s item: inmates are threatening legal action because they only get one Sky Sports channel in their cells.

The luvvies have complained that not having other channels breaches their human rights.

One of the matches they missed out on was Manchester City’s victory over Everton on Sky Sports 2.

David Davies, MP for Monmouth, said: “What next? A box at the Millennium Stadium? I haven’t got Sky TV.”

Bosses at Parc jail in Bridgend, said Sky TV was a “privilege” for good behaviour.

More bollocks...

Remember those exams taken back at the dawn of time?

Click on the link above for the full list of “interesting” answers.

A small selection:

H2O is hot water and CO2 is cold water.

A magnet is something you find crawling all over a dead cat.

Three kinds of blood vessels are arteries, veins and caterpillars.


The total is when you add up all the numbers and the remainder is an animal that pulls Santa on his sleigh.

A line is a length of breath.

A centimetre is an insect with a hundred legs.

Symmetry is a place where you bury dead people.

If it is less than 90 degrees it is a cute angle.

And my favourite: The Prime Minister has the power of disillusion.

Seems to be a bollocks day.....

Over in the land of well made motors

A 77-year-old motorist wrote off five brand new cars in a showroom while she was trying to take one out for a test drive.

Marlies Schiller shot backwards and forwards across the Volkswagen garage in Apolda, Germany, ploughing through everything in her path.

Her £150,000 destruction derby only came to halt when she smashed through a display window and hit a parked car outside, say police.

"The coffee machine seems to be the only thing she missed," said a police spokesman.

Hope they carried out a risk assessment....

And finally:

East more than a multitude of non metric units

This year's prize bauble in China is a £1.4 million sheep bred in the ancient Silk Road city of Kashgar.

Only 1,000 Dolan sheep exist in the world, according to breeders, and their extraordinary features have made them the latest collectors' item for ultra-rich Chinese.

"Big bosses come here in their luxury cars and load the sheep into the back seat," said Liu Fenghua, a 48-year-old sheep breeder in the city of Aksu, in the far western region of Xinjiang.

"Usually the bosses are Uighur Muslims who have made their money in the sheep industry and want a prize sheep for a pet," he added.

No wonder mutton is so bloody expensive.

That’s it: I’m orf to educate my windows. 

And today’s thought: LOL or . . . I don't want to talk anymore.

 Angus